October 02, 2007

The Dodo Awards

This month's Dodo Award is presented to Senator Harry Reid for his outstanding stupidity in questioning the patriotism of conservative Talk Radio host Rush Limbaugh via an obviously trumped up charge of calling our troops "phony soldiers."

Not only does Reid know better, he damn sure ought to know that we know he know's better. Know what I mean?

Senator, I not only question YOUR patriotism, I question your ethics, your judgment and your intelligence.

Harry Reid.jpg

Posted by GM Roper at 08:18 AM | Comments (3)

October 01, 2007

Why did the chicken cross the road? Explained by...

Some Monday Morning Humor:

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of
the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the
road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting
by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life,
I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across
the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road,
or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no
middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see
the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other
side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about
the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!
You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my
eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave
me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see
the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like, the 'other side'.
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will
be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents,
and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is a integral part of
eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never
cra...#@&&^( C .. ... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did
the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black

Posted by GM Roper at 11:49 AM | Comments (10)

September 28, 2007

Mahmoud & Evo

"There are no gays in Iran"


A tip O' The GM Derby to Fausta

Update: More at Spanish Pundit and at Lamplighter

Posted by GM Roper at 11:35 AM | Comments (4)

September 20, 2007

Hillary and the Cowboy

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, on an airliner bound for Texas, finds herself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap shirt, faded jeans, and a cowboy hat. Thinking herself above the old cowboy, she decides to make sport of him.

"You know," she says, "I've heard these flights go much more quickly if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger. So, let's talk."

The cowboy looks at her wryly and says, "Well s'pose that'd be all right, m'am. What'd ya like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says Hillary with a slight hint of sarcasm. "How about Iraq?"

"Hmm," says the cowboy, sensing an attempt to perhaps belittle him, "That
could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: Horses, cows, and deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet a deer passes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse makes muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

Dumbfounded, Senator Clinton replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me, then," says the cowboy with a smile. "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss Iraq when you don't know s**t?".

Posted by GM Roper at 12:46 PM | Comments (1)

September 14, 2007

It's Jihad

Found this at The Gathering Storm... just a little humor, but posting it before (as WC says) it gets pulled in the name of political correctness!


Posted by gmroper at 03:27 PM | Comments (1)

September 12, 2007

A Thinking Blogger Thinks I Think and Awarded Me The Thinking Bloggers Award

My very dear friend Fausta Wirtz of Fausta's Blog was awarded a Thinking Bloggers Award complete with logo:


Now, Fausta is one of the really good bloggers around, and she has been on my Favorites List from way back when she was on blogspot and called her blog "The Bad Hair Blog." But, I digress, Fausta then posted the following:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you Think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award" with a link to the post that you wrote.
Since the Nice Matters Award was for women bloggers, now it's time for the guys:

1. Siggy, for his blog and for his invaluable support and help with my podcasts.

2. Ed Morrissey, for his excellent blog and for being a true friend.

3. GM Roper, because his posts make me laugh and Think.

4. Rob Bluey for his blog, for his support, and for his work at the Heritage Foundation, which is an invaluable source of well-researched, well-explained information in all economic matters affecting our contry.

5. Jeremayakovka, for his excellent commentary on arts and politics.

Thinking it through, I Thinkthat she gave a lot of Thought to the process and nominated four really good bloggers/Thinkers and she also nominated me. I've been nominated before by some really good folk, and I'll add this one to the score for a Triple Play of Thinking Blogger. At least I Think I can do that. I even Think I may be able to do this without too many gripes. I don't Think too many folk will Think it inappropriate.

thinkingbloggerpf8jw8[1]-769643 copy.bmp

So, who to nominate? First, they must either be Thinkers or make me Think. OK, so here goes:
1. Yaacov Ben Moshe who writes Breath of the Beast A Thinker if there ever was one.
2. Lawrence Harris who occasionsly blogs at GM's Corner. I can't read 5 sentences of his without Thinking about what he has said.
3. The Bald Headed Geek who writes a blog of the same name who in spite of being quite a Thinker has still said some nice things about me. Silly man!
4. Mike at Mike's America - an unabashed patriot. Nuff said!
5. My Aussie Friend Didgeman from Down Under: who blogs at Voice of the Pacific a true Thinker who supports both his country, and unabashedly ours!

Note: Though some of this is said jestfully, the thoughts behind my thanks to Fausta and my feelings about my nominees are sincere and well Thought out.

Posted by gmroper at 02:35 PM | Comments (4)

September 10, 2007

GM Interviews Cindy Sheehan

Cindy Sheehan famously retired from participating in the anti-war movement on May 28, 2007 announcing her decision on her Daily Kos Diary:

I have endured a lot of smear and hatred since Casey was killed and especially since I became the so-called "Face" of the American anti-war movement. Especially since I renounced any tie I have remaining with the Democratic Party, I have been further trashed on such "liberal blogs" as the Democratic Underground. Being called an "attention whore" and being told "good riddance" are some of the more milder rebukes.
Of course, I doubt that she was given a lot of "smear and hatred" until she became the "so-called 'Face' of the American anti-war movement" but that's another story. A short six weeks after "retirement" Ms. Sheehan announced that she was taking on Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) because:
Democrats and Americans feel betrayed by the Democratic leadership. We hired them to bring an end to the war. I'm not too far from San Francisco, so it wouldn't be too big of a move for me. I would give her a run for her money."
Then I read where Ms. Sheehan was arrested today protesting the presence, and presumably testimony of General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker before Congress. It occurred to me that perhaps Ms. Sheehan had thus decided to come out of retirement and perhaps she would consent to an interview. I called around and tracked her down and she graciously agreed acquiesced to an interview I say graciously because I identified myself as a conservative blogger who believes that the war in Iraq and against all of islamofascism is the right thing to do.

The Interview

GM: Ms. Sheehan, thank you for agreeing to this interview.

Cindy Sheehan:

GM: Can you tell us some of the reasons you were on Capital Hill today?

Cindy Sheehan: Wingnut!

GM: Name calling is not necessary Ms. Sheehan. Now, can you answer the question please?

Cindy Sheehan: ?

GM: OK, lets move on so to speak. You've been called an attention whore, and photographs have shown up in the media of you hugging Jessie Jackson, Hugo Chavez and being carried off by the police at various protests, frequently smiling as you are carried off. Do you think your behavior is that of an attention whore?

Cindy Sheehan: ?

GM: Very well, Ms. Sheehan, we'll record that as a "No Comment."

Cindy Sheehan: ?

GM: Clearly Ms. Sheehan, you seem to have some reservations about talking to a conservative, why is that?

Cindy Sheehan: (@&^%*$$)

GM: Wow, I had no idea that you knew such foul words Ms. Sheehan. But back to the interview. What did you think of Hillary and Obama both saying that we may need to keep troops in Iraq for a while longer, that we cannot precipitously pull out?

Cindy Sheehan: *&&^#)(#@*# (&$$#@& )*&*^&%#*(

GM: Ms Sheehan, please, I do have a no cussing rule on my blog - I will have to clean that up a bit. Now, can we ask one final question? What do you think the final vote will be with you running against Speaker Pelosi?

Cindy Sheehan: ?

GM: Well, we tried, so as Edward R. Murrow would say: "Good Night and Good Luck!

Cindy Sheehan: Just who are you calling an attention whore?

Posted by GM Roper at 08:49 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

September 03, 2007

The Mental Health Police


"Guten Tag, ist dis da Polizei"


"Ja, I mean yes, this is mental health officer Moe, how can I help you?"


"Dis ist Herr Doktor Shrinker, und I vant to report ein pozzible depressed patient."


"Oh good, anudder, I mean another one. Hey Curly and Larry, we got another one. Who is the patient Dr. Shrinker, we'll pick him up right away."


"Dis patient is der Herr Johann Edvards, I zink he ist depressed, because his health care plan got passed, but he din't get elected, verstehe?"


"If you mean do I understand, ja, I mean yes! But we can't pick up Edvards, I mean Edwards, it was his medical care plan, that wouldn't be right!"


"Ha, chust because he has a fancy house and SUV's, he ist schtill a member of der zwei Amerikas Ja?"


"Ja, I mean yes, he still is. OK Doc, ve vill, I mean we will pick him up for evaluation."

Two hours later in a large compound in North Carolina


Moe knocks on the door, a man answers.
"John Edvards, I mean Edwards please."


"I'm John Edwards, how can I help you officers?"


"Senator, we're the mental health cops and you've been identified by a psychiatrist as being depressed."


"Depressed? I'm not depressed. Oh sure, I'm a little saddened that the other America didn't nominate me, but President Clinton got my health care bill passed, I'm happy about that."


"Happy eh? Nyuck, Nyuck, then why aren't you smiling?"


"Well, because I didn't get the nomination and didn't get elected President. Isn't that enough to make one not smile?"


"Look, Senator, we don't care why you aren't smiling, you merely look depressed and that's enough. Under the terms of the Universal Health Care Bill, all persons are required to come in for check ups and that includes for mental health. You don't want to break the law do you?"


"But that was meant for normal people, I'm special, you've seen me on TV, you've heard my speeches, you see the kind of home I live in and the kinds of cars I drive, I have my own resources. I even have Dr. Shrinker on retainer."


"Yeah? Well he's the one that called and turned you in. Come with us please."


"Dr. Shrinker called you? Oh My God, that's Depressing!"



Update: Big Dog has more, and so does Ogre

Posted by GM Roper at 11:10 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

August 29, 2007

Something for Each Side

The first poster represents my view of why our nation has the problems that it does and my message to those who put us there. The second is the left's view of how we're solving them now. Same message, different perspectives.


I remember the first guy from college. He's a professor now.

Posted by Woody M. at 05:10 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

August 27, 2007

God Sends In The Marines - Monday Morning Humor

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform.

The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an ass. So, He sent me."

Posted by GM Roper at 05:16 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

August 26, 2007

The Evil of Demon Weed

Every year I become more and more convinced that the so called is a waste of money, of time and criminalizes stupidity. On the other hand, the only reason people take psycho-active drugs such as cocaine, meth, acid, is because of the effect on the thinking, behavior or perceptions that these drugs engender and we absolutely do not need any more intoxicants on the road so to speak. Having said that, there is another reason, that being to keep people from making absolute fools of themselves, though I don't know that is a governmental function. We have public intoxication laws, driving under the influence laws and other such laws, but that doesn't seem to stop people from getting a load on in public of off the streets when they have had too much.

Now, I am NOT advocating legalization or even de-criminalization of drugs, but one reason seems to me to be sufficient to make us think twice before we give up on our . And that reason is as follows: (click on read more)

Continue reading "The Evil of Demon Weed"
Posted by GM Roper at 12:05 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

August 24, 2007

August 21, 2007

Do I Give A Damn

In the thread regarding the Muslim Foundation of America, I have been taken to task for not asserting their rights to march in New York City. Actually, they do have the right to march, to appear to be hapless fools, to be obviously insensitive to their fellow co-religionists actions on September 11, 2001 by holding their "Muslim March" on September 9, 2007 only two days before the anneversary of the 9/11 attacks. Now, let's see,

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

And just in case that message isn't clear enough, try this one on for size.

islamism and 9-11.gif
Posted by gmroper at 03:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

August 17, 2007


Do you ever feel as if arguing with liberals is like playing the arcade game "Whac-A-Mole?" Liberals stick their heads through the hole and say something and you whack them back down with the conservative mallet of truth and logic. A little while later, they think that they have a great come-back, so that head pops up and you whack it again. They just keep coming and we keep wacking 'em. If we got points for whacking liberals, they would have to change the scoring to the millions because it's so easy. But, moles are smarter, so those scores are lower.

Posted by Woody M. at 05:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

August 16, 2007

And I ADORE Grilled Cheese

Found over at my friend Dr. Sanity's place and she got it from The Anchoress.

You Are a Ham Sandwich

You are quiet, understated, and a great comfort to all of your friends.

Over time, you have proven yourself as loyal and steadfast.

And you are by no means boring. You do well in any situation - from fancy to laid back.

Your best friend: The Turkey Sandwich

Your mortal enemy: The Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Oh, and Anchoress, I Adore Grilled Cheese. So, can we still be friends?

Posted by GM Roper at 12:22 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

August 09, 2007

You must be a liberal if

We see lists like this regularly, but occasionally we need an update.

You must be a liberal...by Dave Weinbaum

I must admit, I've been surprised by the amount of vitriol coming from supposedly intelligent rational people when it comes to what they believe about our world and how we should live and govern. They seethe when talking about President George W. Bush. Their hate for him is inexplicable. Those people are known as Liberals, or as some refer to themselves, "Progressives." Below are traits of the above. You can believe in one or two, but if you identify with 3 or more you get the Liberal medal around your neck or as I look at it, the albatross. You must be a liberal:

If you voted for the Iraq war when it was the popular thing to do, then claim you were hypnotized by Bush's "lies" when it became unpopular.

If you say Bush is "dumb" even after he beat you in two elections you were positive you would win.

If you don't want profiling for terrorists even though evidence is overwhelming that most are Middle Easterners.

If you think capitalism should be replaced by Socialism, despite hundreds of years of evidence that our economy is number 1 in the world.

If you think all American corporations are evil.

If you think you can't have a view about foreign policy if you haven't served in the militarythat isunless its' your opinion.

If you believe there is no liberal bias in the media.

These represent selections. For the entire list, go to this link: JWR

Did he leave any out? My list would include "if you are compassionate with other people's money." If you think of any others, add them to the comment section. I'm sure that we can find a few more.

Posted by Woody M. at 02:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Compassion - and Sincerity

Ted Kennedy on why he supports amnesty for
those sneaking across the Rio Grande.

Likewise, he must have felt a personal connection with those who fell with the bridge into the Mississippi River. If only Sen. Kennedy could have been there to help. Maybe twenty people could have used him as a raft.

Compassion and sincerity must define the greatest swimmer ever from Massachusetts.

Via Denny

Posted by Woody M. at 08:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

August 08, 2007

Lying Liberals at Work

When Scot Beauchamp Gets Out

"Pssst, sir, you really don't want to eat here. Let me tell you what goes on in this place...."

[from the back] "Scott, are you talking to the customers again? If you're talking to the customers again I'm going to kick your ass...."

via Are We Lumberjacks? Thanks for this funny post that G.M. will appreciate.

In continuing news on the subject from NewsBusters:

New Republic Refuses to Retract Thomas 'Reports'

Posted by Woody M. at 12:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Bumper Sticker Battles

Yesterday, I was passed by a small car plastered with liberal bumper stickers--ranging from whales to peace to to John Kerry. I counted fifteen on the back of the car as it went by. I once had a formula to compute the IQ of someone based upon the types and number of bumper stickers that he displayed. This guy would have been on the low range.

As the driver went by, he gave me reason to think of a bumper sticker suitable to communicate back to him and other liberals.

Posted by Woody M. at 09:20 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

August 06, 2007

A "Progressive" Keyboard for Conservatives

Posted by Woody M. at 06:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

July 25, 2007

Stupid Liberal Joke

Justin writing over at Right On The Right has got the stupidest liberal joke I've ever heard. You gotta go over there and read it. Click on the link above to take you to Right On The Right. If you ARE a liberal, hope you have a funny bone.

Posted by GM Roper at 08:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

July 22, 2007

Not Photoshopped - Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

First, from Michele Malkin, comes this jewel:


The Democrats can kiss my ass. If the mullah's want to sue me, have at it, can't get blood from a turnip guys. But if I see something suspicious, I'm calling it in.

Next up another warning by C.A.I.R. Just don't understand why they want us to be quiet, do you? You don't suppose it is because they are trying to intimidate western society do you? Nah, can't be that!


I'm sure that the doomsayers are predicting really high gas prices. REALLY HIGH. So, if they do go much higher, lets put the blame where it belongs.


And lastly, for Silkey Pony who believes that the war against islamofascism and terrorism is just a bumper sticker, here is his bumper sticker:

Bumper Sticker.jpg

Posted by gmroper at 10:49 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

July 10, 2007

Compare and Contrast

If This Is Chimpy McBush,

Isn't This Chipmunk McClinton?

And We Know Chimps Are Smarter Than Chipmunks

PETA NOTICE: No Chipmunks were harmed in the making of this post!

Posted by GM Roper at 01:29 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

Come Into My Parlor Said The Spider...

The scourge of drugs has now hit nature with a little assist from researchers. Beware the demon weed and evil crack.

h/t to Morris' Musings via Timothy Birdnow

Posted by GM Roper at 06:45 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

July 02, 2007

Remember The Meme!

I've been Tagged, by Kat of Cathouse Chat, how droll. Normally I don't participate in these things, but in this case I'll make an exception and tell you a little story, then I'll tell you a little about myself. First, however I guess I'm supposed to follow the rules (I hate that) and tell you the rules.

The Rules are: Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
Now, doesn't it seem silly having had this foisted on me that I would even deign to foist it on someone else, but that is another story and I'll get to it shortly.

Now, the story I promised all of you. I've told you all, off and on about my "age discrimination tall tale contest" with my friend Mustang. Mustang is a retired Marine Lt. Col. and he came up the hard way (hence the name Mustang meaning a former enlisted man who was commissioned as an Officer and a Gentleman.) An Officer Mustang certainly was, and a damn fine one too, in fact, Mustang began his career as a Marine enlisting on November 10, 1775. But, I digress, this little story is about Kat. Now, as you all know, Kat is married to David and they have a beautiful little Munchkin who is beginning to reach her teen years and I'm looking forward to the consternation that Kat will face.

What most people don't know is that Kat is considerably older than David, and most people don't know that Kat is much older than either Mustang or I. In fact, rumor has it that Kat is secretly Mustangs Great, Great Aunt. But I've not seen any paperwork that confirms it, besides, there is little family resemblance except when sitting quietly and they think no one is looking, then they tend to pick their nose and drool a little. But, in spite of the actions being almost identical, there is not much resemblance. At any rate, back to Kat. Kat is known far and wide as a maker of Quilts. She has been doing this so long, that some of her quilts hang in the Museum of Ancient History and there are hieroglyphics of King Tut as a very young baby lying on one of Kat's quilts while his diaper is being changed. Kat made me a quilt last year when I was ill and I will be for ever grateful. It is for that reason, and that reason alone that I won't tell you about her blind date with Methuselah when he was a teenager and she a much older woman and getting drunk on elderberry wine. Nope, that story won't appear on THIS blog.

OK, lets now get to the meat of this thing and I'll tell you 8 things about myself:

  • I have broken every major bone in my body, with two exceptions, those being the cranium and the hyoid bone. (I'll let you look up the location of the Hyoid.
  • My favourite sports are para sailing, riding a souped up Ducati motorcycle and playing rugby. I do this 6 or 8 times a year without fail, except when I am actually in traction. (See 1.)
  • I own a 6-foot teddy bear named Theodore Ursus
  • I once ate an entire Thanksgiving turkey without gravy over a two day period, roasted turkey, turkey sandwiches and Turkey A' La King.
  • I am a tetraploid mutant, having 92 chromosomes. I also have two livers.
    Despite that, I am unable to metabolize alcohol. Any alcohol I consume remains permanently in my system, like dioxins do for other people.
  • When asked to provide random facts about myself, I invariably lie.
    H/T Pixy Misa @ Ambient Irony

  • I know that is only 6, but if you think I'm going to divulge the true 7th and the 8th "facts" you are out of your minds.

    Oh, and I'm going to break the rules and only tag Woody. But, I will allow him to get off if he will pay me back all the salary I've given him over the last two years.

    Posted by GM Roper at 03:29 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    July 01, 2007

    What To Do With All Those Damned Forwarded E-Mails

    Don't you get tired of all those forwarded emails that tell you if you send this out to 10 friends Bill Gates will send you a brand new Boeing 747 or some such "prize." How about the one about some poor child with an incurable form of ingrown toenail and if you send this out to at least 10 friends, an email tracker from yahoo will know and will donate 10 cents to research a cure for him. Oh yes my friends, the guilt trip email is most often found with well meaning (but stupid) people relatively new to the internet. They also don't bother to check out this stuff on Snopes.com the slayer of urban legends. Well, worry no more, here is just the thing to send to your friends who send you that junk. Let it load and listen carefully, then forward it to the person that sent you the forwarded email. It'll serve them right.

    The Little Guy On His Soap Box

    Posted by GM Roper at 03:44 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    June 30, 2007



    H/T to Pixy Misa at Ambient Irony

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    After 6 Years Of GW Bush, I Miss Bill Clinton

    slick willy wonka.bmp

    It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious.
    From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.

    "Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton!
    He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

    Number 1 - He played the sax.
    Number 2 - He smoked weed.
    Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

    Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he doesn't!
    And, he gets a check from the government every month.

    Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America 's shelves this week with
    "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations'most distinguished man.
    It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

    Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton.
    The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada .

    When asked what he thought about foreign affairs,
    Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."
    The Clinton revised judicial oath:

    "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it,
    the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."

    Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between Bushes."

    Posted by GM Roper at 04:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    Global Warming Causes Giant Cats!

    Continue reading "Global Warming Causes Giant Cats!"
    Posted by Woody M. at 09:20 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    "Consensus" Explained

    Left: Skeptics ----- Right: Grant Recipients

    Via Matthew at Physics Geek

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    June 29, 2007

    Bush Gets Serious on Global Warming

    Bush Addresses Climate Crisis

    WASHINGTON, DCIn a nationally televised address reminiscent of President Kennedy's historic 1961 speech pledging to put a man on the moon, President Bush responded to the global warming crisis Monday by calling for the construction of a giant national air conditioner by the year 2015. (Continue Reading)
    Posted by Woody M. at 12:10 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    June 28, 2007

    Sell Carbon Credits in Your Sleep

    From The Joy of Tech via John Ray at Greenie Watch

    Posted by Woody M. at 03:20 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    June 27, 2007

    'Nuff Said


    This Picture is worth at least 1000 words, if not 100 times that. Sad isn't it?

    H/T Hugh Hewitt

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:33 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    June 26, 2007

    Global Warming Threat Gets Under Your Skin

    Today's global warming threat is sponsored by America's pharmacies, who are itching to serve you.

    Climate Changes Are Making Poison Ivy More Potent

    Poison ivy, the scourge of summer campers, hikers and gardeners, is getting worse.

    New research shows the rash-inducing plant appears to be growing faster and producing more potent oil compared with earlier decades. The reason? Rising ambient carbon-dioxide levels create ideal conditions for the plant, producing bigger leaves, faster growth, hardier plants and oil that's even more irritating.

    To fight this, we're going to need an ocean of calamine lotion. (Scroll to appropriate song in this nostaligic flash back.)

    Good grief.

    Posted by Woody M. at 04:20 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    June 25, 2007

    Blowing Smoke Over Global Warming


    Al Gore Speech on Katrina and Global Warming
    Now, the scientific community is warning us that the average hurricane will continue to get stronger because of global warming.

    Gives us this:

    Study links hurricane stress to teen smoking
    Teenagers in a southeast Texas county were more likely to smoke cigarettes if they or their family members were affected by Hurricanes Katrina or Rita, according to a university study. ..."The hurricanes had an emotional impact on the youth and we need to recognize that and give them the help they need. Otherwise, they use tobacco as a crutch and then they become addicted."

    Mankind makes global warming worse, which makes hurricanes worse, which makes kids smoke more, which kills them. None of this has anything to do with other factors, naturally. And, it's Bush's fault, too.

    Posted by Woody M. at 02:30 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    A Little Monday Humor

    Monday Humor.bmp

    Posted by GM Roper at 11:09 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    Attack of the Killer Worms

    Obviously, birds are not doing their jobs to eat enough worms. As a result, global warming could be getting out of control because of these wigglers, who seem intent on taking over the world after destroying mankind...if the melting ice caps don't drown them first. I also blame fishermen who spare worms by switching to artificial lures as bait. Note this article from Material Recycling Week.

    Worms are killing the planet

    Worm composting could be doing more harm than good to the environment, a leading researcher claimed today.

    Composting Association research director Jim Frederickson said: Worms produce a significant amount of greenhouse gases. Recent research done by German scientists has found that worms produced a third of nitrous oxide gases when used for composting.

    The wiggly ones naturally produce nitrous oxide gases when they are put into the process of composting.

    ...Frederickson said: Everybody loves them because they think they can do no harm but they contribute to global warming. People are looking into alternative waste treatments but we have to make sure that we are not jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

    ...The emissions that come from these worms can actually be 290 times more potent than carbon dioxide and 20 times more potent than methane. In all environmental systems you get good points and bad points.

    This is a serious problem. Worms represent a group that Democrats can't control by promising amnesty and the right to vote. ...but, I bet that they thought about trying. They each have something in common...they are both slimy.

    Don't think that attacking worms and cutting them into pieces will help. Doing that will allow them to regenerate into even more worms. How sinister can they get?

    Posted by Woody M. at 10:50 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    June 23, 2007

    CNN = "Cannot Name Nations"

    What is wrong with CNN's placement of Afghanistan?

    Nothing more than what is wrong with CNN overall...it's too far left.

    Via Bob Harris

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:50 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    June 22, 2007

    Carrying Global Warming Too Far

    How far would Al Gore go to lower Lady Liberty's carbon footprint?

    Anything so that he can keep his pool heated.

    Posted by Woody M. at 03:20 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    June 19, 2007

    Mustang 'N Me - Part 45,298,483

    Those of you who have been reading this blog for some time, will no doubtedly remember my good friend Mustang who blogs at Social Sense. Well, old (and I do mean really, really old) Mustang and I kid each other about who is older. A contest that I win of course being by far the "truthier" than he (how's that for a convaluted sentence?). If you are interested, you can find the "tales" of Mustang 'N Me here. The tales are funny, poignent and have a ring of truth about them that is hard to imagine in standard fiction writing.

    But, I digress, recently (about 20 minutes ago to be specific) a dear friend named Kinder sent me an e-mail with some "truths" about Mustang 'N Me and lists some fairly well known "truths" about Mustang. Of course, most of what he says about me are dastardly lies. At any rate, I am nothing if not fair and balanced so I will not delete the canards about me, and will show them all. But you my dear friends, my faithful readers will be absolutely certain that you can tell the truth (about Mustang) and the fibs (about me). Now, Kender blogs at Kender's Musings and fancies himself as an ereudite fellow. Of course, the truth is that Kender barely graduated from the 6th grade and can't write worth a darn. On the other hand, he does have a Muse, or someone that feeds him thoughts from time to time and he types them uo (with only two fingers) and after about 6 to 10 hours produces something he calls a Musing. Be that as it may, Kender is really a good friend except I don't know why he would print via e-mail so many nasty things about me. About Mustang I can understand, but about Moi? Perish the thought!

    So, without further ado (I always wondered where the word "ado" came from), I present The Truth About Mustan And GM.

    Continue reading "Mustang 'N Me - Part 45,298,483"
    Posted by GM Roper at 01:10 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    June 18, 2007

    Hurricane Preparedness

    It is never too early to prepare for a Hurricane. So, if you live anywhere on the Gulf Coast, or within 75 miles of the Gulf Coast, or on the eastern Seaboard, this message is for you:

    We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weatherman pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:

    1. There is no need to panic
    2. We could all be killed

    Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be on the Gulf Coast, will we be blown away, or will it miss us this year?

    If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "The Big One." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane- preparedness plan:

    1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least 3
    2. Put these supplies in your car.
    3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

    Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay in their homes. We'll start with one of the most important hurricane-preparedness items.

    HURRICANE INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap & easy to get, provided that your home meets 2 basic requirements:

    1. It is reasonably well-built
    2. It is located in Nebraska

    Unfortunately, if your home is located in the Gulf Coast, or any other area that may actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance. So, you'll have to scrounge for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Georges, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, upon demand, to my kidneys.

    SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, doors... And, if it's a major hurricane, the toilets. There are several types of shutters, all with advantages and disadvantages:

    1. Plywood shutters: Advantage is that because you make them yourself,
    they're cheap. The disadvantage is that because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
    2. Sheet metal shutters: These work well, once you get them all up. But, once you get them up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps that will not heal until December.
    3. Roll Down Shutters: The cream of the crop in shutters, they are very easy to use and will definitely stay up. Sadly, you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

    HURRICANE PROOF WINDOWS: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection. They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane orce winds. You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

    HURRICANE PROOFING YOUR PROPERTY: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like BBQ grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these into the swimming pool. If you don't have one, get one installed immediately. Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

    EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. To determine if you live in a low lying area, look at your driver's license. If the address says La., Tx., Ms., AL, FL Ga., or any of a dozen or so other two lettered abbreviations (you know who you are) you live in a low-lying area.

    The purpose of an evacuation route is quite simple. It is to avoid being trapped in your home when the storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several hundred miles from your home, along with 200,000 other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be alone.

    HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need supplies. Do not buy them now! Gulf Coast tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last bottle of water.

    In addition to food and water, you will need the following:
    A. A $100,000 line of credit at your bank so you will able to purchase gas.
    B. 23 flashlights
    C At least $156 worth of batteries that turn out to be the wrong size for when the power goes off
    D . Bleach (I don't know what for. Nobody seems to know what for but, it's traditional, so get some)
    E. A buggy full of deodorant
    F. A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators (ask anyone who went thru Camille or Audrey there will be irate alligators)
    G. $35,000 worth of cash or diamonds so that you can buy a generator
    after the storm has passed from some man with no discernable teeth

    These are all, of course, just basic precautions.

    As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important to keep abreast of the situation by turning on the TV and watching reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the gulf and tell you over and over and over how important it is for everyone to stay away from the gulf.

    The last item you will need, but definitely not the least, is alcohol. This is the most important item. Make sure you have enough to last from June-November. This is necessary for escape when you are stuck with relatives. But, remember, after season is over, you will need to restock for the holidays.

    (author unknown, but obviously a hurricane veteran)


    Posted by GM Roper at 04:10 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    June 14, 2007

    Fun with Liberals

    Want to get a point across to a liberal and make his head swim for fun? In this order, highlight and copy the script below, scroll to the top of the site, paste the script into the browser's address bar, hit enter, and watch him try to absorb pictoral lessons from this site.

    javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.getElementsByTagName("img"); DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=(Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5)+"px"; DIS.top=(Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5)+"px"}R++}setInterval('A()',50); void(0);

    Now, watch him sprain his fingers as he tries to type really fast commenting about everything that he sees.

    Posted by Woody M. at 05:30 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    June 07, 2007

    Time to Get Serious About Global Warming

    There are times to make jokes and there are times to be serious. This is one of them.

    Adoption Group: Cat Invasion
    Due to Global Warming

    From Live Science

    Droves of cats and kittens are swarming into animal shelters nationwide, and global warming is to blame, according to one pet adoption group. The cause of this feline flood is an extended cat breeding season thanks to the worlds warming temperatures....

    I don't know. Maybe we need those extra cats to deal with the extra mice, who must also be breeding due to global warming.

    I have one question. Why do the cat people want to destroy western civilization with their global warming problem?

    Posted by Woody M. at 05:30 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    June 04, 2007

    You Won't Find This on Other Blogs

    Sometimes I want to post something unique...something that isn't being covered by everyone else. After giving it some thought, I think that I've come up with such a subject. Get ready for fun!

    Do you remember all the neat demonstrations in your science and physics classes? I especially enjoyed the film clips, because it gave me time to sleep. The black and white films of Dr. Baxter was one of my favorites. In case you slept through them, too, and really feel guilty that you graduated without really understanding the subject, then here is your exciting second chance!

    1. Fundamental physics as seen via quantum mechanics:
    Little Things That Jiggle: Richard Feynman and Atomic Physics

    2. Physics taught through clamation:
    Newton's Laws of Motion

    3. Einstein's Space/Time:
    Two Postulates -- Special Relativity (1 of 5)

    And, in case you want a classic reminder of earlier physics clips, here's a great one.

    4. Famous experiment involving laminar flow:
    Fluid Mechanics: Low Reynolds Numbers Flows (Requires RealPlayer)

    Did you watch them all? Good! I told you that this would be unique. Now, let's see if G.M. wonders why in the world this is posted on this site. It should make for an interesting discussion in his science interest--psychology. That'll keep him busy for a few hours.

    Tomorrow, if you like, we might study astronomy.

    Keep looking up! Now, back to your regular blogging.

    Posted by Woody M. at 08:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    Don't Stop Thinking About (?) ...

    Aren't these Democrats some of the same people who made fun of Dan Quayle?

    You would at least think that Hillary Clinton, the smartest woman in the world, would have seen how her husband's presidential theme song was spelled on the record album cover...unless they were sitting around smoking weed, I mean "not inhaling" weed, when they listened to it.

    Maybe they should have gotten someone who is homeschooled to check the signs for them, as the one who made these probably was taught in government schools.

    Via Grouchy Denny

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:50 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    May 12, 2007

    GM for President

    The time has come the GM said,
    To talk of many things!
    Of Congressmen, and Senators; of Governors and Kings!
    And why current candidates aint so hot,
    and whose candidacy has wings;
    Of GM's run for President and other Silly Things!
    ........with requisite apologies to Lewis Carroll

    And with this announcement, yes, yours truly, GM, the master of verse and all things political, the one and only, the brow-beater of all that is ill-liberal and other useless ideologies is running for President of These United States. I will need to have a platform of course, and to make sure that everyone is represented, I hereby adopt as my platform something from everyone else's platform/promises/stupid comments made when they thought no one was listening.

    GM's Platform For A better Maana:
  • From Hillary: I hereby promise to confiscate all profits from the big oil companies (of course, there is no way to do that legally, so I'll have to put a TAX on them -which they in turn can pass on to the consumer driving prices up even further).promise to make any promise that Shrillary makes but do it better!
  • From Rudy The G: I hereby promise to extend the gun control benefits of New York to the rest of the country Join the NRA!
  • From Barrak Obama: I hereby promise to make health care affordable exactly like I propose on my website of course, I don't have a real plan, but neither does he, and like him, I'll put forth mucho good sounding stuff that does really nothing to "make health care affordable for all Americans" but hey, if elected I'll have plenty of time if you don't die in the meantime.
  • From Mitt Romney: I'll point to "the Abu Ghraib scandal as evidence the country was, at times over the past few years, not effectively managed." Of Course, the idiots behind Abu Ghraib don't have any responsibility in managing the country "effectively" because they were low lifes who somehow were in the military and the highest ranking one was a BG who got canned from her job for not paying attention to what her troops were doing.
  • From Dennis Kucinich: I promise to make this the Flag of These United States P.S., it says "We Quit" and I KNOW OBL will like it!
  • From John McCain: I'll ask that every American who blogs, who has something to say about politics, who doesn't work for a major newspaper or MSM outlet be quiet as I take away their rights to open "Political Speech." Of course, I'll deny that that is what the act does, but I'll put your fanny in jail if you cross me on that!
  • From Christopher Dodd: I'll call for a "Surge Of Diplomacy" on Iraq. Of course, the people I will exercise diplomacy with (read, Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Jordan, Egypt, Hamas, Hezbollah) won't do a damn thing, but doesn't it sound really nice, much nicer (and neater) than war could ever hope to be.
  • From Mike Huckabee: I'll support "The Arts!" With so many really important issues before the public, it is absolutely important that we all know the difference between a crayon drawing our kids put up on the refrigerator and say the Mona Lisa. (Well, it sounded important to me at the time)
  • From John Edwards: I'll be as populist as they come, why I'll not settle for 2 Americas, I'll insist on Four and just because he could have stayed in the senate and worked on issues he found important but thought it more important to build a $20,000,000.00 mansion and go to work for a HEDGE FUND where you have to be really, really rich to even think about getting in, I won't do that, I'll only live in a $1,000,000.00 mansion as soon as I scam enough Americans EARN that amount of money via hard work such as oh... say channeling unborn babies who will have cerebral palsy which had nothing to do with the doc's decision not to do a C-Section.
  • From Sam Brownback: I'll appoint a commission to make sure that those video game producers are much more accurate with their rating systems. I mean, after all, with all the really serious stuff I have to talk about, don't you think this is important too? I know that parents won't take the time to supervise their children's purchases so, I guess the mommy state government must.
  • From Joe Biden: I'll show everyone how to control the climate. No, really! After all, as Biden says: "For too long we have abdicated the responsibility to reduce our own emissions the largest single source of the problem we face today. It is now clear that our country's retreat from leadership in global climate talks reduces the effectiveness of international efforts to address climate change, and provides an excuse for China, India, Mexico, Brazil, and the other leading emitters of the future to stay with us on the sidelines." Of course, in my administration, I'll put a stop to all the hot air expended by the likes of Biden... "we have abdicated the responsibility to reduce our own emissions the largest single source of the problem we face today." Oh really Joseph, the largest single source? Gosh, that lets China, India and Europe off the hook doesn't it?
  • From Tommy Thompson:
    "When I look at the country at large I see these huge problems facing us as a country and I don't see any candidate either Republican or Democrat that is offering ideas," Thompson said at the Bedford Village Inn Politics and Eggs forum. "That's why I decided to run."
    and, as his website notes "Thompson says he's only candidate who has answers (Union Leader)." Unfortunately for the rest of us, I'm not sure that Tommykins knows what the questions are. I on the other hand, know all, see all, and can blather much better than "I see these huge problems."
  • From Mike Gravel: "Senator Gravel believes that global climate change is a matter of national security. As President, he will act swiftly to reduce America's carbon footprint in the world bypassing legislation that caps emissions." "BYPASSING" I guess that should be "by passing" but hey, in the rough and tumble of presidential politics, a mistake here and there should get you elected. Isn't that right Senator Obama?
  • From Tab Duncan Hunter:
    I believe the current decisional law on the Establishment and Free Exercise Clauses of the First Amendment is inconsistent and flawed. For example, the recent decisions on the Ten Commandment display, where the Supreme Court ruled that in Texas it is appropriate to have a Ten Commandments monument on the courthouse grounds, but in Kentucky the same display violates the Establishment Clause. The Founding Fathers developed these clauses to guarantee the right of all citizens to worship and to protect the church from the state, not to strip religion from the everyday lives of Americans.
    Uhhh, Congressman, I believe essentially what you do, but you see, I passed 8th grade civics and I know that when two courts disagree about a rule, it is up to the USSC to sort it out and then that becomes the law of the land. And that is in the constitution too Congressman
  • From Guillermo Bill Richardson: I hereby promise to get our troops out of Iraq and engender a blood bath so that I can send them to Darfur to stop a blood bath, of course, we won't ONLY send them Darfur, why, I'll "use our full diplomatic weaponry" (Psssst, Bill, is that better than a MOAB?)
  • From Tom Tancredo: I think running for President is the utmost in civic responsibility. So, I'll be sure that my official website (GM4Prez.yougottabekidding - when and if I get it up) will list, among all of the really important stuff, I'll list my Musical Taste... after all, Tom Did - "Music Tastes of The Candidates."
  • There you have it beloved readers, boys and girls, ladies and germs. This is my platform, taken from all of the other candidates and based on the idea that while all of them have some supporters, they all also have a number of detractors. Because I've chosen the silliest of their stuff from their websites or from the news, I may be either disliked the least (and thus win in a landslide) or not taken seriously at all. And if THAT happens, I won't be any worse off than these two (ahem!) fella's (who really are running, God Bless 'Em!!!)

    Tech Tags:
    Posted by gmroper at 10:56 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

    May 10, 2007

    Science Fiction - Or Truth? You Be The Judge

    Deep outer space, aboard the intergalactic ship Xdfd09*@330er.

    "Captain, you wanted to see me?" said the first officer (*$#@*&^^>

    "Yes, first officer (*$#@*&^^>, we have tracked down the last infestation of this scourge to this little planet in the backwoods of the Universe. This third body from its sun. Earth I believe the primitives call it."

    "Yes sir?"

    "Well, have we prepared the planet buster? As you well know First Officer(*$#@*&^^>, this scum has infested vast parts of the universe and our civilization has, after hundreds of thousands of years finally tracked down, and we are in position to destroy the SDFerldfk*(&@@EE-."

    "Yes sir, the planet buster is ready, but sir, I suggest we take a very careful look. These primitives that we assumed were the scourge, appear not to be who we thought they were. Communications Officer Adfe*&% tells me that they actually have comedy shows if you can believe it."

    "And sir, the SDFerldfk*(&@@EE- are known for many crappy things, but comedy was never one of them, they just don't have the intestinal fortitude for it."

    "First Officer, you may have saved us from an egregious mistake," said the captain. "But I'm not sure I understand, our sensors tell us that the whole planet is infested with these parasites."

    "That's true Captian, but apparantly, our enemy of old has morphed into a different life form here, just to try to evade us. They infest another life form that travels with these so called humans, a life form the humans call "pets," called dogs and cats and puppies and kittens seem to be the most infested."

    "That won't avail them anything First Officer, fire up the alternate life form destroyer, we'll get these parasites yet."

    And so dear readers, our planet was blanketed with chemicals (mostly water vapor and CO2and we experienced.... (click Read More below for the exciting conclusion)

    Continue reading "Science Fiction - Or Truth? You Be The Judge"
    Posted by gmroper at 02:33 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    Things They Don't Teach In Law School!

    Sent by a friend:

    Law of Mechanical Repair:
    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

    Law of the Workshop:
    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    Law of Probability:
    The probability of being seen is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    Law of the Telephone:
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

    Law of the Alibi:
    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    Variation Law:
    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you had been in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    Law of the Bath:
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    Law of Close Encounters:
    The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with
    someone you don't want to be seen with.

    Law of the Napkin:
    The Mayo always falls right next to the napkin on your lap.

    Law of the Result:
    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    Law of Biomechanics:
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    Law of the Theatre:
    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

    Law of Coffee:
    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do
    something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    Murphy's Law of Lockers:
    If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    Law of Rugs/Carpets:
    The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

    Law of Logical Argument:
    Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

    Brown's Law:
    If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

    Wilson's Law:
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop
    making it.

    Technorati Tag(s):

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:02 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    May 09, 2007

    Democrats Explained

    Get an appropriate poster for a friend or yourself from Despair, Inc. Something is bound to fit.

    Posted by Woody M. at 10:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    May 08, 2007

    Punctuate This Sentence

    Give this a try.

    An English professor wrote the words, a woman without her man is nothing on the board, and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

    Here are two possible answers, but only one is acceptable:

    Continue reading "Punctuate This Sentence"
    Posted by Woody M. at 11:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    May 05, 2007

    Telecommuting in a New Field

    Telecommuting may be coming in a new field, left field, to be precise, and it involves G.M.'s favorite team.

    Manny Ramirez Asks Red Sox If He Can Work From Home
    May 3, 2007 Onion Sports

    BOSTONClaiming that a relaxed atmosphere and a chance to create his own schedule would greatly benefit his productivity, Red Sox left-fielder Manny Ramirez has asked team officials if he can play the remainder of the season from the comfort of his own home. ...The Red Sox have tentatively agreed to allow Ramirez to telecommute, claiming that although their offense may suffer without him at the ballpark, their defense in a vacant left field may substantially improve.

    In fact, I think that this is how the border patrol has been doing its job for years. Good luck to Manny, the Red Sox, and Red Sox fans.

    Posted by Woody M. at 11:24 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    April 28, 2007

    For My Jewish Friends

    A Little Humor For Saturday Morning... For my Jewish Friends



    jewish olympic swimmer.bmp

    Jewish Olympic Swimming

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:51 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    April 26, 2007

    Thursday Afternoon Humor Break

    Mr. Johnson had just celebrated his 98th birthday while at the Nursing home. He was a happy go lucky fellow with all his mental faculties intact, just physically old and tired.

    While watching the News, he noticed Harry Reid (Dhimmicrat - Nevada) making one of his talks and got so angry, he felt a really bad headache coming on. Not wanting to disturb the staff, he kept quiet about it until the pain got really bad and called for the nurses as he apparantly passed out.

    The nurses rushed in and began CPR while waiting for the ambulance, which arrived most quickly. Meanwhile, one of the health care aides had called his only granddaughter to tell her that they were taking Mr. Johnson to the Hospital because of an apparant stroke.

    The daughter rushed to the hospital and as she entered the Emergency Room, she saw a Dr. coming out of one of the bays and he said "Ms. Johnson?"

    "Yes," said Ms. Johnson, "How is my grandfather."

    "Not good," said the Doc, "apparantly he had a massive stroke and I'm sorry to say that your grandfather is brain dead, but his heart is still functioning."

    "Oh no" said Ms. Johnson and began to cry.

    "There, there," said the Doc, "surely you expected this for several years!"

    "Yes we did," said Ms. Johnson, "but you don't understand, with him brain dead and his heart still beating, well, its just that we've never had a democrat in the family before."

    Posted by gmroper at 12:27 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    April 22, 2007

    I Think That I Shall Never See...


    On April 11, a white student placed a ham steak in a bag on a lunch table where Somali students were eating. Muslims consider pork unclean and offensive.


    The school incident is being treated seriously as "a hate incident," Levesque said. Lewiston police are investigating, and the Center for the Prevention of Hate Violence is working with the school to create a response plan.

    "We've got some work to do to turn this around and bring the school community back together again," Levesque said.

    I'm sorry, while what the kids did was indeed deliberately offensive, and the kids knew it, but it was not a hate crime and does not rise to the point where the police needed to be involved. What ever happened to the school taking care of the misbehavior with a little consequence such as staying late after school, cleaning blackboards, or even opening a can of WhoopAss on the kids? On the other hand, the only reason this prank worked at all is because of the heightened sensitivity of the Somali kids and the belief that their feelings are more important than the feelings of others. So, let me just say this?

    I think that I shall never see
    A sandwich as lovely as a BLT.
    A BLT near which my hungry mouth is prest
    Against the sandwich, and not turkey's breast;
    A BLT that looks at me at lunch,
    And lifts its lettucey arms to me;
    A BLT that may in Summer wear
    No nest of sprouts anywhere near;
    Upon whose bosom mayo has lain;
    Whose toasted bread in twain doth be.
    Poems are made by fools like me,
    But only a Deli can make a great BLT.

    ....................................................... With apologies to Joyce Kilmer

    Posted by gmroper at 04:44 PM | Comments (30) | TrackBack (0)

    April 20, 2007

    E = MC2; Maybe, Perhaps, Possibly!

    Ask anyone what their favorite subject in school was and you will get answers such as English, History, Science, Reading, German or French or Spanish, and you will seldom (although there are some) get an answer such as Math, Calculus, Algebra or Trigonometry/Geometry. And there is a reason perhaps for that. Math is a difficult subject for many, it requires memorizing which few like to do, logic, which not many have (especially liberals and democrats ), and an ability to think things through. Having said that, many budding mathmeticians have become extremely creative in solving math problems. Here are 7 examples of that creative ability taken directly from actual examinations.

    Continue reading "E = MC2; Maybe, Perhaps, Possibly!"
    Posted by gmroper at 01:13 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    April 17, 2007

    Not For Me, No Sir, No Ma'am, No Way, No How!!!

    This is a picture of a public toilet reportedly in Houston, Texas. Mirrored Surface, nice neighborhood, sunny day.

    Now, let us take a look at the inside!

    Continue reading "Not For Me, No Sir, No Ma'am, No Way, No How!!!"
    Posted by gmroper at 08:34 AM | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

    April 15, 2007

    OK, It IS A Plot!

    I have a very good friend who blogs at Pettifog. She is funny, talented, charming, and a terrific artist and an accomplished web artist/designer. I was admiring some of her artwork recently and she encouraged me to "hatch a plot" against well, not exactly a plot, (more of a Vast Right Wing Conspiracy), but, well, shall we say against a certain female type politico who is running for president? You know the one, that famous "stand by her man," gal that refuses to stay home and bake cookies? Yeah, Hillary, that one. Well, Chrys and I think that her "art" ought to be spread all over the internet, right left and otherwise. If we can ridicule her enough, maybe she will quit running and do what she was meant to do.... BAKE COOKIES! So, with that in mind right click on the cookie sheet, select "Save Picture As" and copy to your hard drive, and STEAL THIS!!! (you can also steal the Steal This bmp)

    steal this.bmp

    Posted by GM Roper at 04:44 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    April 14, 2007

    Democrat's Standards of Justice

    Eight Democrats running for three nominations to be judges in Philadelphia's Traffic Court owe parking fines, and three of those owe over $1,000 apiece. I guess they hope to win so that they can dismiss their own fines.

    Posted by Woody M. at 01:30 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    April 04, 2007

    The Differences Between Dogs and Cats

    A little Wednesday Morning Humor.

    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

    6:00 am - At last! I go pee! My favorite thing!
    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

    Day 983 of my captivity.

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

    In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

    The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

    The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

    For now...

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:44 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    Vote For Scott

    I've found my candiate, to hell with the Democrats and Republicans!

    A tip O' The GM Derby to Greta at Hooah Wife and Friends

    Posted by GM Roper at 04:17 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    March 30, 2007

    Git 'Er Done - Tomorrow Maybe!

    I was going to put up this link on procrastination a couple of days ago, but couldn't seem to find the time.

    Want to find out how serious a procrastinator you are? Then click here to go take the survey. Or, just bookmark this post in order to do it later.

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:38 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    March 29, 2007

    Proof of Global COOLING

    From Jim Treacher writing at The Daily Gut comes this photo:


    AND the information that the word ALGOR is LATIN for "Cold"

    algor, algoris N (3rd) M [XXXCO]
    cold, coldness; chilliness; a fit of shivering; cold weather (pl.)
    Of course, I knew that all along.

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:51 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

    March 23, 2007

    It's Really Sen. O'Bama

    I've been saying that Sen. Barack O'Bama was part Irish and that people were misspelling his name by leaving off the apostrophe. Now, it's confirmed.

    Obama's heritage traced to Ireland

    US Presidential hopeful Barack Obama can now count himself as one of the millions of Americans with Irish heritage.

    Research by the genealogy website ancestry.co.uk reveals that Mr Obama's great great great grandfather was born in Ireland, although it is not yet known where.

    I guess this adds to Rev. Al Sharpton and the liberal media's concerns that Barack O'Bama isn't "black enough." Win one for the Gipper, Barack.

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:30 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    March 21, 2007

    More Cowbell for Al Gore

    Today on Capitol Hill, former V.P. Al Gore testified about global warming.

    In an emotional plea, Al Gore said, "The planet has a fever,"

    ..."and, the only prescription is...more cowbell!"

    Well, he really did say that the planet has a fever, but I might have made that last part up. Maybe keeping the beat with a cowbell will do as much for global warming as many proposals. Come to think of it, aren't cows responsible for a lot of the GW emissions into the atmosphere?

    To pacify Al Gore, do your part for the Earth's fever...buy a cowbell and strike it every time that he says that we are having a planetary emergency. You'll have fun and make a statement...well, forget the statement part. Just have fun ridiculing Gore.

    "I'm tellin ya fellas, you're gonna want that cowbell!"

    Posted by Woody M. at 04:50 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

    March 16, 2007

    Houston, We Have NO PROBLEMS at all!!

    For All of My Beer Drinking Friends - Enjoy!

    Robotic Beer Launching Refrigerator

    A tip O' The GM Derby to American Dinosaur

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:21 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    March 15, 2007

    A Periodic Check on Your Sanity

    In keeping with a psychology theme of this site and to help people who want to improve their minds, live longer, become well rounded, and have already memorized pi to two-hundred places, here is a new challenge--memorize the periodic table of the chemcial elements! Your friends will all be impressed when you use this at parties.

    Well, it's not as hard as you think if you had a teacher like this sick professor, songwriter, and satirist Tom Lehrer, who wrote a song about the periodic table to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan's "Major General's Song". Here's The Elements. Be sure to listen to it and learn.

    If you enjoyed that and other songs from that site, you may like Lehrer's perfomance to a college math class: Tom Lehrer Video

    Despite his politics, I've enjoyed the humor of this guy. In fact, I discovered that his philosophy is much like that of tolerant and caring left-wing people today, as evidenced by his quote:

    I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

    Posted by Woody M. at 12:00 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    March 08, 2007

    So, You Think You Know What's Going On Around You?

    A very dear friend of mine (even if he is a lefty) recently sent me an e-mail asking me to take a little test. He said he got 23 of them right, I got the same number correct, but don't know if we missed the same ones (click read more to find out the answers... no cheating now.)

    Here we go!
    1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?

    2. How many states are there in the USA ? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)

    3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

    4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell 's soup label?

    5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?

    6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg? (Don't you dare get up to see!)

    7. How many matches are in a standard pack?

    8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?

    9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?

    10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?

    11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

    12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

    13. On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?

    14. Which way do fans rotate?

    15 How many sides does a stop sign have?

    16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?

    17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

    18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

    19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

    20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

    21 On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?

    22 On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

    23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?

    24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?

    25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?

    Continue reading "So, You Think You Know What's Going On Around You?"
    Posted by GM Roper at 09:18 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    March 05, 2007


    What if Ann Coulter is an Undercover Operative for the DNC? I mean, has anyone ever considered this? What if her latest bombtoss was designed to get the left in a snit and supportive of John Edwards because he'd been slimed and get the right to apologize for something they had nothing to do with? Can you just imagine what would happen? Oh, wait, it IS happening!

    "Hello, Ms. Coulter? This is Howard Dean"

    "Yes Mr. Dean, what can I do for you?"

    "I have a proposition I'd like you to listen to."

    "Mr. Dean, I'm NOT that kind of girl."

    "No, not THAT kind of proposition, you are too thin for me, besides, I'm happily married."

    "Then what DID you have in mind Mr. Dean?

    "Well, this may sound "odd" but what about doing some work for the DNC?"

    "WHAT You've got to be kidding, I'm a REPUBLICAN and CONSERVATIVE, why on earth would I want to work for the DNC?"

    "Hear me out. We have access to all of Soros's millions and Edwards Millions and Kerry's wifes millions and we could be very nice to you with that kind of dough."

    "Did you say M.I.L.L.I.O.N.S.?"

    "Why, yes, I did, and it would be very easy work... only a word or two interjected into your usual banter at the conservative get together next week."

    "OK, I'll bite, what do you want me to do?"

    "Well, it looks like Shrillary, I mean Hillary or maybe even Obama is off to take the nomination and we want a real populist to have a shot, John Edwards."


    "Well, we were thinking if you call Edwards a name, it would rouse our base, give Edwards a chance and allow him to claim "victimhood" and maybe raise some "Coulter Cash" and that way make for a real race in the Democratic primarys."


    "I mean, it's not like any Democrat has a real chance against Giuliani, and this way, at least we won't look as bad as when Kerry got the nomination."

    "Hmmmm. You did say MILLIONS didn't you?"

    "Yes, and all you would have to do is call Edwards a ohhhh, say a "wimp" or even better, how about a "Faggot?"

    "Well, that doesn't sound too hard. You did say millions didn't you?"

    "Yes, I did and think of all the added publicity it will garner you, why, you'd be doing the Republicans a service by having a bunch of Republicans apologize for your behavior, another bunch defending your right of free speech. Why, the possibilities for you are endless."

    "Well, let me think about it..... OK, I'll do it, but just this once you hear me?"

    "Loud and clear, and I promise, just this once."

    "OK, but you have to do me a favor too."

    "What's that?"

    "The very next weekend, you have to get Hillary to go to Selma and put on a fake Southern Black accent."

    "No problem, that is the kind of thing she'd do anyway. Piece of cake."

    "Great, and you did say millions didn't you?"

    "Trust me on this."

    A tip O' The GM Derby to Wuzzadem for the concept!

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:23 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

    Hillary and her Cajun Frien's

    Much has been made over the last 24 or so hours about Hillary's "fake" Southern accent in Selma. Now, personally, I think Hillary showing up there is the height of pandering for votes, she had/has no connection to Selma though she can certainly go for votes anywhere she likes... but that accent!!!!

    Well, our good friends over at A Second Hand Conjecture has a great post up on imitating Southern Accents, and New Orleans accents especially. It is a good read and the occasion reminded me of an old joke that I learned from a real Cajun many, many years ago which I left on their site as a comment, but which I enjoyed writing again so much I thought I'd leave it here also.

    Boudreaux be sitting at de bar one day and in walk Hillary Clinton down ta Louisianna to get her sef' some votes.

    Boudreaux say "Hey, Hillary, how many doh's you see in dis place?"

    Hillary say "De're be two do'hs Boudreaux, de fron' do'h and the back do' why you ax?"

    Boudreaux he say "You wrong Hillary, de're be tree doh's here. Bet you $20.00"

    Hillary, she slap down $20.00 on de bar and say "You on Boudreaux."

    Boudreaux, he say "Aw-righ," 'n Boudreaux he slap down $20.00 too.

    Boudreaux, he say. "De're be de fron' do'h and de back do'h"

    Hillary say "Yeah!" and Boudreaux, he say "and dis"... reachin' down picking up de spittoon and say "Dis be d' Cuspidoh." Boudreaux he pocket de $40.00 and walk away.

    In walk Thibodeaux 'n Hillary say "Hey, Thibodeaux, how many do'h be in dis place?"

    Thibodeaux, he say "Two do'h, de Fron' do'h and de back do'h." 'N Hillary say "Betcha $40.00 dey be tree do'h in dis place," and she slap $40.00 on de bar.

    Well, ole Thibodeaux he grin big, cause he gonna make $40.00 and he slap $40.00 on de bar too.

    Thibodeaux say "Show me."

    Hillary she say "Dere be de fron' do'h and de back do'h right?"

    Thibodeaux say "Yeah!"

    Hillary she say "And de're be dis..." she reach down, pick up de spittoon and slam in on de bar nex to da $80.00 and say "dis be a .... uhhh, dis be a.... uhhhh... well, I be damn. Dis here spittoon done coss me $60.00 today."

    UPDATE # 1: Classical Values has a good post on this also.
    UPDATE # 2: Commenter Mavis Beacon says Hillary was acting and I've asked him for a link. If so, I will update you further, but at least I still think the joke is funny! ;-)
    UPDATE # 3: Well, Mavis is correct as you can see from this liberal website. But, I found it myself before Mavis could respond. Ignore the trash talk from the website, and watch the video putting the whole thing in context. But Talkingpoints memo is as guilty of trashmouthing as anyone, however, there is a point to be made that Hillary was "quoting" and not "faking" it. Having said that, I still feel she was pandering and I'll tell you why. Hillary could have used the words, and the cadence without mimicking the accent, using the movements and hand gestures and the whole schtick. It would have been just as effective, so, the charge stands, but with a possible dodge for Hillary. One word of advice to Hillary, don't try to do "Southern," even if you are quoting, you botch it when you do.

    Posted by gmroper at 02:55 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    Who Says the Clinton's Are Phony?

    LOL! Make up your own mind if the Clinton's are phony. Here is Thelma Lou Rodham-Clinton speaking in Alabama yesterday. She sure lost her Illinois, Arkansas, New York accent overnight.

    Do you think that Hillary's new found accent will help her to get Alabama's delegates and electoral votes since she is now "one of them?" Next, let's see if she goes so far as to stand up for state's rights against them "fed'ral bu-ro-crats."

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    Who Says the Clinton's Are Phony?

    LOL! Make up your own mind if the Clinton's are phony. Here is Thelma Lou Rodham-Clinton speaking in Alabama yesterday. She sure lost her Illinois, Arkansas, New York accent overnight.

    Do you think that Hillary's new found accent will help her to get Alabama's delegates and electoral votes since she is now "one of them?" Next, let's see if she goes so far as to stand up for state's rights against them "fed'ral bu-ro-crats."

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    March 01, 2007

    Aliens Can Solve Global Warming

    No,I don't think that this means illegal Mexicans. This is about getting space aliens to solve global warming. (Yeah, the "global warming delusionals" really have their heads screwed on right.)

    Alien technology the best hope to 'save our planet'

    A former Canadian defence minister says be believes advanced technology from extraterrestrial civilizations offers the best hope to "save our planet" from the perils of climate change.

    Paul Hellyer, 83, is calling for a public disclosure of alien technology obtained during alleged UFO crashes -- such as the mysterious 1947 incident in Roswell, New Mexico -- because he believes alien species can provide humanity with a viable alternative to fossil fuels.

    "Climate change is the No. 1 problem facing the world today," he said. "I'm not discouraging anyone from being green conscious, but I would like to see what (alien) technology there might be that could eliminate the burning of fossil fuels within a generation ... that could be a way to save our planet."

    "We need to persuade governments to come clean on what they know," he said. "Some of us suspect they know quite a lot, and it might be enough to save our planet if applied quickly enough."

    If there is a consensus that space aliens in flying saucers have visited Earth, then this guy should get a global warming grant just like the rest of the consensus scientists and advocates.

    What other sources can we come up with to solve global warming? How about Ghostbusters or the Abominable Snowman?

    Posted by Woody M. at 04:10 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    February 27, 2007

    When The Museum Is Closed!

    The lights in the museum are dimmed shrouding the exhibits in dark and meloncholy shadows. The last patron has left, and the only living souls are the night watchmen making their rounds. But, if you have seen the comedy/thriller "Night In The Museum" then you know that not everything is as it seems. The sun sinks in the west, darkness falls on the Louvre and dark eyes blink, gathering in the fading light.

    Suddenly, with no one around, The Mona Lisa is by herself with no one to see her in her glory!

    Continue reading "When The Museum Is Closed!"
    Posted by gmroper at 11:48 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    February 23, 2007

    Friday Humor Time


    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?", the teacher asked. "Yes ma'am," Johnny replied. "My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Nancy.

    "She was a pilot in Afghanistan and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of 20 enemy troops.

    She shot 15 of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Al Qaeda with her bare hands."

    "Good heavens," cried the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy give you from this horrible story?"

    "Stay the hell away from Aunt Nancy when she's drinking."

    A tip O' The GM Derby to my good friend Tom Farnie

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:33 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    February 19, 2007

    Terror Alert Raised In Europe

    As a result of the attempted Democratic capitulation over the "Surge" issue, the islamofascists have decided to up the ante so that the rest of the US will also capitulate. Thus, Europe, fearing that they will become fresh targets have increased their terror alerts:

    Subject: European Security Levels

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

    Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

    It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Brought to you by GM's Corner, an equal opportunity offender.

    Author unknown, but never-the-less, a tip O' The GM Derby to Robert Parker who sent it to my brother who forwarded it to me and I put it out for your enjoyment.

    Filed under: HUMOR

    Posted by GM Roper at 11:43 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    February 18, 2007

    Celebrating The Year Of The Pig

    There may be a few of you out there who are not aware that the Chinese New Year has begun and it is NOW the Year Of The PIG... Let me repeat that please, the year of the


    猪的年, jaar van het varken, Jahr des Schweins, Έτος του χοίρου, anne du porc, ブタの年, год свиньи, or, as the video says, ao del cerdu and in any language, a time to celebrate. But it is the Chinese zodiac that gives rise to the name of the year. In Chinese folklore, Budda called all the animals to him and only 12 showed up, he gave them, in their honor, a year named after each of the 12.

    pig5.gifBut, we in this country, and in others, celebrate pigs in different ways. We celebrate them at breakfast with eggs, we celebrate them when we eat pulled pork, we laugh at them when they do something amusing or funny like fly, cause everyone knows that pigs can't fly... can they? I mean, after all, they do have to obey the laws of nature don't they?

    pigs8.jpgI have absolutely no idea if this is true or not, but given the times I don't have any reason to disbelieve it either: recently, some folk at C.A.I.R. or some similar organization have put the word out that they want the Chinese to cancel the "Year of the Pig" celebrations as offensive to Muslims. Well, oh-my-gosh!!!! Offensive to Muslims, huh? Were they offensive to Muslims 12 years ago in 1995? Because that was the Year of the Pig too. How about 1983, or 1971 or even the year my brother was born 1947? Were those years offensive to Muslims too? I don't remember any "riots" back then, I don't remember CAIR or any other organization in the past demanding China cancel the year of the pig. What goes? I mean, as you can see on the left, since the Chinese did NOT cancel the Year of The pig in 570 CE did they? And all them pigs have been making more pigs since then, and those pigs have been making more pigs... Geeze, you'd think that Allah would not have allowed all those pigs in the first place if pigs were to be cancelled in the year 570.

    pig6.gifOf course, pigs do like to wallow in mud, they are not the cleanest of animals perhaps, but they sure do make good eatin' when you are hungry for pig. I wonder if Mohammad ever had a Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato Sandwich, or, as Ogre would say Sammich, but then he is an ogre! But pigs can be clean too, and they make terrific house pets, in fact, for many years the most popular pig pet was the Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig. And of course, we have all laughed at Porky Pig for years. So, all this nonsense about cancelling the year of the pig is just that, nonsense.

    pig2.gifSo, all you folk out there who are so intolerant of the Pig, let me make a couple of suggestions to you. 1.) Relax like that fellow to the left; 2.) Get out your favorite Crock Pot and get the following ingredients and follow the directions to a little bit of heaven.... and no, there are no 72 vegans in this heaven, but the eating is fantastic.

    Ogre's Pulled Pork Sammiches

    (yes Ogre, I named this one for you)

    4 lb pork roast
    2 onions, sliced, divided
    1 onion, chopped
    5 or 6 whole cloves
    2 cups water
    16 oz bottle of your favorite BBQ sauce
    salt and pepper

    1. Place one sliced onion at the bottom of Crock Pot.
    2. Stud pork roast with cloves and season with salt and pepper.
    3. Place roast in slow cooker on top of the sliced onion. Cover with the second sliced onion and add enough water to fill Crock Pot two thirds of the way.
    4. Cover and cook on low 8 to 12 hours.
    5. Remove roast. Remove and discard cloves, bone and fat as well as any water, onions and grease remaining in pot.
    6. When pork roast is cool enough to handle, use a fork or your fingers to pull it apart until the entire roast is shredded.
    7. Return the pulled pork to the crockpot. Mix in the chopped onion and BBQ sauce and cover. Heat on high for 1-3 hours or until the onions are soft.
    8. Serve on large, crusty buns with a mustard based Carolina-style BBQ sauce.
    9. Leave room for desert.

    Can't think of a better way to Celebrate The Year Of The Pig than to celebrate by eating pig. Does a culture that far exceeds that of the Muslams in terms of length of time on this planet have to eliminate every 12th year just to please a bunch of fanatics? Or, more likely, is this merely a ploy to see if someone will bow down (kowtow as it were) while they push their agenda farther and farther. Well crap boys and girls, this ole fellow ain't bowin' down to that most ridiculous demand. In fact, I'm going to do all that I can to include pig in every week for the next 52 weeks. Please pass the Fatwah!


    A tip O' The GM Derby to Kender

    Posted by GM Roper at 01:51 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

    February 16, 2007

    In Case You Missed This....

    UPDATE...UPDATE...Click On Continue Reading And Scroll To The Bottom, Woody Has A rival For The Claim!!!

    Anna Nicole Smith is dead. We wanted to tell you in case you think that there just hasn't been enough coverage on this.

    Also, I am coming forward to say that I might be the father of her daughter. Hey, that reminds me of this joke.

    Continue reading "In Case You Missed This...."
    Posted by Woody M. at 01:30 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    February 11, 2007

    Who Could This Be About? [UPDATED]


    Need I say more?

    UPDATE: Apparantly I need to say more. I don't necessarily agree that Hillary is a bitch, though in many ways I think she is a harpy and a hypocrite and a liar and a ... you fill in the blank. But I thought this T-Shirt was funny and if you will note the Humor column in my catagories page (located on the side bar for those of you who don't know how to find catagories), you will find this post listed there....

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:34 PM | Comments (21) | TrackBack (0)

    February 10, 2007

    And, Spankings for Bad Grades?

    A great borrowed line on this article about Harvard University appointing a woman as its new president:

    Harvard set to make feminist history by naming some broad as its president for first time.

    I guess that they think making a woman president for a university will encourage people to vote for a woman as president of our country, whomever she might be.

    Posted by Woody M. at 10:40 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    February 07, 2007

    The Joys Of Being 60 And Then Some

    I've seen this list a dozen times over the years, and each time one or more of them becomes true for me. How about for you old geezers out there?

    1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

    2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

    3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

    4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you ???? "

    5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

    6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

    7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

    8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm .

    9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

    10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

    11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.

    12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

    13. You sing along with elevator music.

    14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

    15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

    16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

    17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

    18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

    19. You can't remember who sent you this list

    And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

    filed under: Humor

    Posted by gmroper at 07:37 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    February 06, 2007

    Good Boy!

    I've heard that at times some dogs are more intelligent than some humans. This would appear to be positive proof.........

    Continue reading "Good Boy!"
    Posted by GM Roper at 09:11 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

    January 29, 2007

    What A Water Bill They Must Have!

    I'm not sure why I find this so funny. But I do!

    Hate to see their water bill after 30 days of this.

    A tip 'O The GM Derby to Wise Bread

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    January 22, 2007

    Switzerland's Immigration Problem

    For all of our rich readers, you know who you are, and those who think that only the U.S. has an immigration problem....

    Switzerland Considers Tax Increases to Stop Influx of Rich Foreigners

    Switzerland, which has attracted millionaires from Ikea founder Ingvar Kamprad to ex-Formula One champion Michael Schumacher, may raise taxes on rich foreigners after French singer Johnny Hallyday's move to the Alpine nation sparked criticism on both sides of the Franco-Swiss border.

    On Jan. 9, Leuthard launched a Swiss debate by saying the current system was discriminatory.... Montebourg stepped up the tone...by saying ``the paradise for the financial aristocracy in Switzerland'' was ``hell for all working people.''

    Maybe Switzerland needs a border wall along the Alps to keep those rich people from sneaking across. They're making harder to find a good place to stash away milllions of dollars. But, I'll trade our immigration problem for theirs.

    From TaxProf Blog

    Posted by Woody M. at 07:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    January 19, 2007

    Save Melting Glaciers - Donate a Tray of Ice

    I'm sincerely worried about global warming and the melting glaciers, which we have been told is the result of human carbon emissions. We must do something to stop this ice recession and reverse a 14,000 year pattern, that we foolishly used to think was a natural occurrence after the last glacial period.

    Therefore, I am announcing a plan, eligible for federal grants, I hope, to rebuilt the glaciers! We will use ice cubes donated by American people and we will show the world that we care.

    Here's how it works!

    Step 1: Freeze a tray of ice.
    Step 2: Take the ice out of the tray and put it in a large envelope.
    Step 3: Mail the envelope to our collection station in McAllen, Texas. (G.M. has the address.)

    From there, we will put the ice cubes together and send them north to rebuild the glaciers that have retreated soley due to mankind's neglect of Mother Earth. We need to treat our mother better.

    It's as simple as that!

    If you cannot mail the ice cubes but want to make a financial contribution, then mail $50 to our collection station in Atlanta, Georgia (I know that address), and we will make an ice cube for you and will inscribe your name on it, just like they do bricks in parks.

    If someone sends me $50,000, then I will name an entire glacier for you! But, we will accept any contributions for lesser amounts.

    Don't waste your money buying those doo-wop CD's to support public television. Send it to a cause that makes a difference! In fact, you may be able to take a deduction for the cost of the ice as a charitable contribution on your tax return! Call it a gift of a frozen asset.

    We need a name for this program--maybe one that is an acronym. Something like ICE or International Climate Effort. What do you think?!

    Bloggers, spread the word! We'll have a multi-level marketing program that can make you rich if you sign up early and freeze out your competitors. Ha Ha.

    Take this as seriously as I do. To paraphrase John Lennon, give ice a chance!

    Posted by Woody M. at 05:00 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    January 17, 2007

    Military Technology Helps Leftists

    This could come in handy while taking part in those long protests in the hot sun. But, this innovation isn't just for them. It's for the rest of us who may happen to get within smelling distance.

    Self-Cleaning Underwear Goes Weeks Without Washing

    Self-cleaning fabrics could revolutionize the sport apparel industry. The technology, created by scientists working for the U.S. Air Force, has already been used to create t-shirts and underwear that can be worn hygenically for weeks without washing.


    Just think...BVD's, torn blue jeans, and T-shirts of Che Guevara that rarely need cleaning--as though they wash much, anyway.

    Posted by Woody M. at 10:20 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    January 13, 2007

    Alabama Criminal Apprehended

    We can all rest safer now that this sneaky criminal has been apprehended.

    Masked Alabama man robs his 72-year-old grandfather next door

    Hard up for cash, Daniel Brown donned a ski mask and jacket, armed himself with a handle from a hydraulic floor jack and made the 10-foot hike next door to his grandfather's home at about 1:30 p.m. Tuesday, said Detective Kyle Wilson.

    "There's a woman that lives there with his grandpa. He said, 'Sit down, Bernice.' Then he goes to his grandpa's room and he says, 'This is a robbery, I need your money, and I mean it, Pa-Paw,' " Wilson said.

    Walter Brown was lying in bed, Wilson said.

    "So he grabs Pa-Paw's britches off the chair. The wallet was in there. He got out to the kitchen, which is in the next room, and his Pa-Paw tackled him. There was a scuffle, and he hit his Pa-Paw in the head with the handle," Wilson said.

    While Walter Brown picked up the phone to call 911, Daniel Brown went back to his own home, leaving a trail the pants, billfold, $5 and the handle between the two houses.

    How did they ever recognize him behind that ski mask? Surely, he had to be originally from Mississippi or Arkansas.

    Posted by Woody M. at 05:50 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    Pretty Neat

    This has nothing to do with anything except that it's pretty amazing. Watch this short clip in which a guy named Alexander Overwijk draws a perfect freehand circle on a blackboard in less than a second. It would take me at least twice that long. (Click space below.)

    From CollegeHumor

    Posted by Woody M. at 03:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    January 10, 2007

    Just a Diversion - Another Blonde Joke

    A blonde says to her boyfriend, "Please help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

    Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

    The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to help with the puzzle. She shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

    He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He then takes her hand and says, with a deep sigh, "Secondly, let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

    Via Denny

    Posted by Woody M. at 08:50 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    January 06, 2007

    Is Everything About Iraq?

    I found this story somewhat amusing and realized how it can reflect the difference in how different groups perceive the world. Read the story and I'll explain more at the end.

    Begin Story

    Tandem Writing Assignment
    The following is a true story (True? I doubt it, but who cares.) received from an English professor.

    You know that book "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

    First, the Assignment:

    English 44A
    Creative Writing
    Prof. Miller

    In-Class Assignment for Wednesday:
    Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

    Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

    And now, the Assignment as submitted by Rebecca & Gary:

    Continue reading "Is Everything About Iraq?"
    Posted by Woody M. at 12:40 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    December 12, 2006

    Letter From Santa Claus

    To: Everybody in the Southern United States

    From: Santa Claus

    Subject: Change in existing contracts:

    I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama, Texas, Louisiana and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

    Differences such as:
    1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

    2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

    3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

    4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

    5."Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

    6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

    7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

    Sincerely Yours,
    Santa Claus


    P.S. More Christmas magic for Southern kids....

    and, sadly, no more reindeer games for Rudolph....

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:03 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

    Walmart Job Application

    This is an actual job application that a 75 year old Senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .

    They hired him because he was so funny.....

    NAME: George Martin

    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ?

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance Package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.


    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE ...7 miles


    Old People Rock!

    A tip 'O The GM Derby to Seth at Hard-A-Starboard

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:35 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    November 23, 2006

    The Last Ice Age

    Much has been said about global warming, both pro and con and by that I don't mean if favor of or against, but rather is it real or isn't it real. But, there is a tale to be told about the last Ice Age and how my friend Mustang and I were saved from dying in a cold, cold blizzard one summer's night. It was just north of Kiik-Koba what is now the Crimea, and the winds across the steppes was cold, oh so very cold. How cold was it? Why, it was so cold that if you had to take a leak, you'd freeze your ... (well, I won't say because their may be children in the room)...

    Continue reading "The Last Ice Age"
    Posted by GM Roper at 06:31 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)


    You Are Mashed Potatoes

    Oridnary, comforting, and more than a little predictable

    You're the glue that holds everyone together.

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:57 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    November 18, 2006

    Help The RNC Make A Choice

    OK everyone, this is your chance to speak out. Here is the poll, select up to two choices for the next Republican Ticket. Be sure and read ALL of your possible choices then make two selections by checking the appropriate boxe(s) and then voting. Results after two weeks will be sent to the RNC.

    Free polls from Pollhost.com
    Who Would Make The Ideal Republican Ticket (Up to TWO choices Only please)
    Romney & Guilanni Romney & Rice Romney & McCain Guilanni & Romney Guilanni & Rice Guilanni & McCain McCain & Romney McCain & Guilanni McCain & Rice Pataki & Rice Pataki & Romney Pataki & McCain McCain & anybody else Guilanni & anybody Else Rice & anybody else Pataki & anybody else Huckabee & anybody else Anybody BUT McCain in any capacity Anybody BUT Pataki in any capacity GM  & Woody THE ONLY CHOICE AT ALL   

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:48 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

    November 17, 2006

    A Portent Of Things To Come? - UPDATED

    This post is filed under Liberals And Democrats because it is about Liberals and Democrats. So, what else would I blog in a blogsite devoted to the POV of a right wing, knuckle dragging, neandertholic, conservative? But, I digress.

    Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) is the presumptive Speaker of the United States House of Representatives when the next congress convenes in January, 2007. The newly elected Majority Leader is Jack Murtha Steny Hoyer. Hoyer IS is NOT a friend of Pelosi, and in fact, lost to Pelosi in the race for minority leader two years ago. This setback for Pelosi brings to mind a question as to her competence to be the Speaker (not that Denny Hastert was any shining example). Too, Pelosi has proposed a number of folk for leadership positions that absolutely call into question her fitness for the job. She has proposed, as a sop to the Congressional Black Caucus the elevation of Alcee Hastings to the chair of the House Intelligence Committee over Jane Harmon. The CBC wants Hastings because of the (gasp) ethics problems of William Jefferson (D-La). This is compounded by the fact that Pelosi doesn't like her fellow Californian Jane Harmon. Ruth Marcus, commenting in the afore linked Washington Post article a week prior to the election notes:

    Pelosi is in a box of her own devising. The panel's ranking Democrat is her fellow Californian Jane Harman -- smart and hardworking but also abrasive, ambitious and, in Pelosi's estimation, insufficiently partisan on the committee. So Pelosi, once the intelligence panel's ranking Democrat herself, has made clear that she doesn't intend to name Harman to the chairmanship." [emphasis added]
    Insufficiently partisan? For the Intelligence Committee? Isn't that what Pelosi and her fellow Democrats have railed against? What happened to the Democrats cry's for bipartisanship when they lost an election?

    In fact, there is some evidence that a Pelosi "speakership" will be frought with multiple problems in getting her liberal agenda through. There are the so called "Blue-Dog" Democrats, 44 by last count, who represent a little less than 1/5th(19.3832599% to be a little more precise) of the incoming "ruling" Democrats. What are "Blue-Dog" Democrats you ask? Simple, they are moderate to conservative Democrats who ran and were elected as Democrats in spite of (because of?) not running as Liberals. The website Capital Questions states that Blue-Dog Democrats are

    The Blue Dogs, [,,,] are less fiercely partisan, and they do not all hail from the South. They seek to build ideological bridges to the Republican side of the aisle, are known for their independence from the leadership of their own party, and tend to be more pragmatic than partisan.
    This alone presents an interesting connundrum for Pelosi and the other liberals in the Democratic House Heirarchy. Will her hyperpartisanship (despite her photo-ops with George W. Bush and pronouncements to the contrary) cause her to run up against the Blue-Dogs as often as she will the Republicans? Note also, that many of the "defeated" Republicans were what many conservatives called RINOs (Republican In Name Only).

    As I have stated in a previous post, the coming battles may well prove to be a target rich inverionment for this and other bloggers. In fact, my blog-father, a big time "progressive" (he dosen't like the term liberal applied to himself) Marc Cooper, alluding to the missteps by Pelosi regarding her selections and appoitments saying:

    In the end, it's a stupid, pointless fight and regardless of its outcome a dumb first move by Pelosi that focuses the debate on flawed ethics rather than on bold leadership.
    Cooper also noted that his friend (and fellow liberal progressive Doug Ireland had this to say about Pelosi: "...she just ain't all that smart"
    Just who is Nancy Pelosi, the lawmaker from San Francisco with an exagerrated reputation for liberalism? She's an opportunist and a trimmer, who -- just two days after the Democrats re-took both houses of Congress and her Speakership was assured -- proclaimed, "We must govern from the center." When she was first elected to lead the House Democrats six years ago, I investigated Pelosi's background for the L.A. WEEKLY. And one of the things I found out in my digging was that she just ain't all that smart.

    Pelosi is catching it from the right as well. Lorie Byrd said (in an article titled "From Moderate To Moonbat In Less Than A Week":

    Nancy Pelosi said, the American people voted to restore integrity and honesty in Washington, D.C., and the Democrats intend to lead the most honest, most open and most ethical Congress in history.

    In spite of those words, she backed John Murtha over Steny Hoyer for the position of majority leader, even as conservative talk radio hosts played over and over again a decades old tape of Murthas involvement in the Abscam scandal.

    Byrd was not the only one on the right (as can well be imagined) who picked up on the faux moderate => to moonbat transformation, Neo-Neo Con notes:
    We expected her stand to offend Republicans; that's not news. But it offended Democrats as well, not to mention Dana Milbank of the Washington Post, previously labeled "...probably the most anti-Bush reporter currently assigned to the White House by a major news organization" by John J. Miller of National Review.

    And there you have it beloved readers, Nancy Pelosi (DIMocrat - California), incoming Speaker of the United States House of Representatives is an airhead and catching it (and well deservedly so I'm sure) from both the right (which is expected) and the left (which is icing on the cake). I'm sure that this is a portent of things to come and I just can't wait!

    Cross Posted At The Real Ugly American.

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:31 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    November 16, 2006

    Laughter is Good Medicine

    Sometimes you just have to laugh, even if it is at someone else's expense.
    Click on: Gone Fishing, Dadgumit!

    Oh, one addition.... Does this PSYCHO CAT belong to G.M. or does he have one of these HIP CATS?
    Voice your vote.

    Posted by Woody M. at 08:10 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    November 09, 2006

    Politician Postmortem Reward

    While walking down the street one day a U.S. senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

    His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

    "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

    "No problem, just let me in," says the man.

    "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

    Continue reading "Politician Postmortem Reward"
    Posted by Woody M. at 09:10 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    November 08, 2006

    The Real Blame for Republican Losses

    Republicans Blame Election Losses On Democrats

    November 7, 2006 | WASHINGTON, DCRepublican officials are blaming tonight's GOP losses on Democrats, who they claim have engaged in a wide variety of "aggressive, premeditated, anti-Republican campaigns" over the past six-to-18 months. "We have evidence of a well-organized, well-funded series of operations designed specifically to undermine our message, depict our past performance in a negative light, and drive Republicans out of office," said Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman, who accused an organization called the Democratic National Committee of spearheading the nationwide effort. "There are reports of television spots, print ads, even volunteers going door-to-door encouraging citizens to vote against us." Acknowledging that the "damage has already been done," Mehlman is seeking a promise from Democrats to never again engage in similar practices.

    Let's see the liberals and lefties argue against that analysis.

    Posted by Woody M. at 04:10 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

    November 06, 2006

    New Version of Hangman

    It reminds me of those games at arcades with the big claws to pick up prizes. However, the Left is going to claim that this game doesn't meet "international standards" for fun. Blame Bush.


    via b3ta (caution-language)
    thru J-Walk
    (caution-hates Bush)

    Posted by Woody M. at 08:20 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    Just Because It's Funny

    via Nealz Nuze

    Posted by Woody M. at 06:50 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    November 05, 2006

    Democrats Find Religion

    Romans 13:6-7

    This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes....

    If the Democrats win the House, then Rev. Rep. Charlie Rangel will become chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, which is responsible for tax legislation. How does he feel about current tax rates?

    On Sept. 20, he told Bloomberg News that he "cannot think of one" of the tax cuts passed under President George W. Bush that merits renewal. Nearly all of those cuts expire at the end of 2010. When asked whether as chairman he would consider tax increases across the table, Mr. Rangel replied, "No question about it," according to the Sept. 26 edition of CongressDaily PM.

    Clearly, Rangel is a man who has read Romans. Now, I'm going to have to take take a step of faith and pray that I will have the money to pay for the Democrats' new found religion.

    Filed Under: Democrats and Humor

    Posted by Woody M. at 12:30 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    November 04, 2006

    Emergency Conservative Broadcast Warning System!

    powered by ODEO

    Filed under: Humor

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:47 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    November 03, 2006

    Dropping the House!

    Normally, I place a photo/graphic on the left, however this one most assuredly belongs on the right, because that is the vote needed for the election on Tuesday.

    And make no mistake, while Nancy Pelosi and her minions on the left are not evil like the Wicked Witch Of The West (although there are certainly those that will disagree with me on that), she and her minions are certainly deserving of having the House (of Representatives) dumped on them. That DOES NOT imply that they are deserving of taking over the house, though that is what they and the typically liberal media would like you to believe; it means that only you, the voting public can send the Democrats the message that while we may not be happy with everything the Republicans do, we are not about to hand the House of Represenatives over to people who would

  • Cut and Run in the War on the Terrorists/Al Qaeda.
  • Who would vote to end the Tax Cuts that have spurred one of the greatest economic engines in the history of the world.
  • Promote a former Federal Judge who was impeached by a Democratic House and convicted by the Senate for corruption to the chair of the house intelligence committee.
  • Elevate Congressman Conyers to the chair of the house judicial committee when he has a history of calling for the impeachment of the president
  • Enact legislation that will spend money like a drunken sailor (no offense intended to our illustrious Navy)and will make the Republicans (as bad as they are) look like skinflints
  • So, as you can tell, this election is important, and the Republic (as well as the Republicans) need you to get out and VOTE!!!

    Filed Under: Elections, Humor

    A tip O' The GM Derby to Gribbit

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:33 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    October 31, 2006

    New Video From Cuba

    A tip 'O The GM Derby to Babalu Blog

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:42 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    October 30, 2006

    Democrats Dig Deep to Mobilize Voter Base

    Approximately six feet deep. Democrats always manage to turn out the vote in this base given up for dead.

    Dead voters continue to cast ballots in New York

    A new statewide database of registered voters contains as many as 77,000 dead people on its rolls, and as many as 2,600 of them have cast votes from the grave....

    Filed Under: Elections, Humor

    Posted by Woody M. at 10:20 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

    October 27, 2006


    It's Halloween!!! Received from a friend via E-Mail.

    A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when he hears:
    BUMP... behind him.

    Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of
    an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him


    Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing
    quickly behind him,


    He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
    However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket

    clappity-BUMP...on his heels.

    The terrified man runs,
    rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is
    pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

    With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping
    toward him........

    The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is
    a bottle of cough syrup!
    Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

    Continue reading "FRIDAY FUNNIES!!!"
    Posted by GM Roper at 06:57 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    October 23, 2006

    Alabama Governor's Cup Up for Grabs

    As someone who has lived and was educated in Alabama, I have to hold my breath that the press, whenever it covers a tornado or hurricane in the state, will find someone to interview who isn't a complete idiot. Same with its politicians. But, they find the worst and run with it. Today's embarrassment (or pride to some) comes in the form of Loretta Nall, the Libertarian candidate for governor, who is running her campaign on her cleavage. Yes, you read that correctly.

    From AP: Her campaign is offering T-shirts and marijuana stash boxes adorned with a photo of her with a plunging neckline and the words: "More of these boobs." Below that are pictures of other candidates for governor - including Republican incumbent Bob Riley and Democratic Lt. Gov. Lucy Baxley - and the words: "And less of these boobs."

    Her Web site has a cartoon of someone stuffing bills down the front of her low-cut top. And for $50 donation she apparently offers to show a cartoon of herself flashing her breasts.

    Yes, I already know that you want to go to her web site with pictures and links, so here it is along with her blog (yes, she has a blog, too.):

    Nall Campaign Site and Blog Site

    At least, she gives the term "Governor's Cup" a unique meaning. The election straps that are pulled may not be boot straps. And, suddenly, a lot of men have renewed interest in the fall election, and doesn't Nall look a lot better than Polosi?

    Posted by Woody M. at 07:30 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

    October 20, 2006

    A Look At Your Politics: The Test Of The Decade

    I received an E-Mail from Don Hagen today, who says he is a reader who enjoys my little part of the blogosphere. Be that as it may, Don has a well crafted political test to get to the root of your politics. Be you Conservative, Liberal, Libertarian or Commie-Hippy-Pinko. A sample of the test:

    1: Government's practice of stealing from the rich to give to the poor is...
    CONS: a crime.
    LIBL: a brave, generous and heroic deed.
    LBRT: a foolish, misguided attempt at social engineering.
    COMM: an inspiration to us all.

    2: The most egregious example of government waste is...
    CONS: the Department of the Interior's $600,000 outhouse.
    LIBL: the Department of Defense's $600 toilet seat.
    LBRT: the $100,000,000 in emergency funds to buy air conditioners for poor people during the blistering heat wave of 1998. Although, I'm sure there are people who honestly believe that if all those air conditioners saved just one life, then it was indeed a small price to pay.
    COMM: the Department of Commerce's entire budget.

    3: Why do people contribute money to political campaigns?
    CONS: To get a good return on their investment.
    LIBL: To buy access to corruptible legislators.
    LBRT: To support candidates who have views similar to their own.
    COMM: To advance the needs of The Party.

    The test is, though lengthy, quite funny and parts of it may split your sides. Be warned, not for the faint of heart, fence sitters or those who just don't have a funny bone in their body. Conservatives should see the humor with no problem, Libertarians may smirk occasionally, Commie-Hippy-Pinkos will wonder why more people don't A.N.S.W.E.R. (pun intended) their way and the Liberals will be totally perplexed. Go, read, take the test and come back and comment.

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:29 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    October 14, 2006

    Halloween Costume for Kids of Potty Mouth Liberals

    It can't get much worse than this. Can you imagine the pride of a parent taking his kid trick-or-treating in that costume? Let's hope that no one tries to use it.

    Posted by Woody M. at 03:10 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

    October 11, 2006

    Quick Call The ASPCA

    The Scene: Almost a typical American home.
    The Time: Today, about dinner time.

    "Hey Mom?"

    "Yes dear?"

    "I spilled an awful lot of my ritalin in the cat's water dish, but I got most of them out."

    "I'm sure kitty will be fine dear, why, she's in the living room now listening to music."

    **Child walks into the living room**

    "Uhhhh, hey Mom?"


    Posted by GM Roper at 04:42 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    October 06, 2006

    Global Warming Surprise Link

    Using the logic of explaining cause and effect by tracking randomly selected trends, we finally are beginning to get a handle on global warming causes. First, G.M. linked pirates to global warming (with good comments by Civil Truth). Now, we have the more likely cause from Guns & Butter.

    "Ninety-eight percent of global warming can be attributed solely to the existence of Al Gore," said Massachusetts Institute of Technology climatologist Dhananjay Wilson. Global temperatures really began to take off in 1948 -- the year Al Gore was born."

    It could be that Al Gore is blaming other causes on global warming to deflect blame from himself.

    Posted by Woody M. at 10:40 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    September 21, 2006

    Cola Wars Against Muslims

    Yes, it's scary, but as revealed by Isaac Schrödinger, whose site I found through another Woody, it appears that Coca Cola and Pepsi have declared war on Islam.

    Coca Cola and Pepsi Should Apologize to Muslims

    Mr. Subliminal must work in their creative departments or in the mind of whoever came up with this. To the Islamic radicals, beheadings are one thing but giving up Cokes takes it to another level. Let's hope for reason.

    Posted by Woody M. at 11:20 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    September 14, 2006

    Women, Do Not Read This! Really.

    I guess that new all-women talk-radio is going after the slow learner market.

    Men are more intelligent than women, claims new study

    It is research that is guaranteed to delight men - and infuriate the women in their lives. A controversial new study has claimed that men really are more intelligent than women. The study - carried out by a man - concluded that men's IQs are almost four points higher than women's. ...Women needn't feel despondent, however, as the scientists believe women can achieve just as much as men - as long as they work harder.

    If men are really smart, they won't mention this study to their wives or girlfriends. If you're a woman and you read this despite the warning, take it as a lesson to listen to a man when he tries to tell you something.

    My name is G.M. Roper and I approved of this message. Well, not exactly, but Woody wanted some cover.

    Posted by Woody M. at 02:10 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

    September 12, 2006

    America Going to the Dogs-Another Hyphenated American

    Yeah, the Left gets wackier and wackier. You might remember that PETA recently called on the U.S. military to evacuate all Americans during the war in Lebanon--not just the human Americans. Well, not to be outdone, at a national conference, the President of the Humane Society of the United States urged more animal rights laws to replace animal ownership laws, and he emphasized that by asking everyone to start referring to dogs as ''Canine Americans.'' A press release described conference attendees as "educated professionals" or, as I like to call them, "Psycho-Americans."

    Posted by Woody M. at 03:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    September 11, 2006

    The Path To 9-11: The Left Is A Comedy For Our Times

    The subject of 9-11 is frought with pathos. It is both a sad remembrance and an act of war. But, on the 5th anniversary of this tragic day, the American Broadcasting Company (ABC) has decided to show a production of a "Docu-Drama" called "The Path To 9-11". Now, in and of itself, that is nothing remarkable, the history of the socalled "docu-drama" is long and comical for its historical inaccuracies and/or outright fiction, witness the productions of "Death Of A President" in England for example (which many have defended on the grounds of "free speech").

    Yet, let a shibboleth of the left be challenged (Clinton was a terrific - though perhaps oversexed president) and watch the fur fly. The reaction of much of the left is almost comical, nay, it is entirely comical and I'll take a few snippits from here and there to prove my point.

    First up my friend Marc Cooper (a self identified "progressive") posts "The ABC's of Panderning" in which he states:

    L.A. Times media columnist Tim Rutten perfectly nails the shameless shlockmeisters at ABC who think it's just spiffy to capitalize on the pain of the 5th anniversary 9/11 to broadcast one more manufactured piece of dreck -- a two part "docudrama" on the Twin Tower attacks powered by blatant right-wing spin.
    Now, Marc is a friend of mine, and my 'blogfather' if you will and I highly respect him and his blog (though that does not apply to some of his more vociferous commenters). But gee could the rhetoric be more appalling, could the prose be a little more turgid? Understand please, as a progressive, Marc is no friend of the Bushes or the Republicans, but having said that, he is no friend of the Democrats either.

    More amusing (if that is indeed the word) are some of the comments from that blog entry. This one for example:

    NeoDude Says:
    September 9th, 2006 at 9:14 am

    When has Right-Wing Nationalists (SALUTE!!!), in any Western tradition, not exploit a national tragedy?

    Oh gosh, "Right-Wing nationalists." Codewords for fascists perhaps? Oh, the humanity!

    How about this one (if you are a fan of conspiracy theories you will LOVE this one):

    r. l. c. Says:
    September 9th, 2006 at 10:14 am

    It really is obvious what happened here. These projects don’t get made overnight and when ABC Entertainment (NOT the news division) OK’ed this Bush was riding high - just been reelected and had increased majorities in both houses of Congress. And what were the pundits saying? Why the GOP wiould be ruling the roost for a long time to come and the Dems were in “Disarray” (a town near Vegas, I believe). So why not get in bed with right wing crazies? They would be in position to help the Mouse with issues like Intellectual Property and Media Ownership. Its not personal, just business.

    (Hell Robert Iger was a Clinton Contributor, as were a lote of ABC/Disney Execs)

    Sure the Dems would complain but what could they do? Well its now two months from an election that will probably produce a tsunami for them and the miniseries don’t look so hot now does it? That is what happens when you listen to experts!

    Can you say "off base?"

    But Marc's commenters are rational compared to others (although that is obviously not saying much). For example, Ann Althouse has a terrific post on some of these left-wing rantings here and she has a link pointing to something called "AMERICAblog" with some suggestions to sue, boycott etc Disney, ABC and Apple because of the so called docu-drama. A sample:

    Certainly we're going to be live-blogging the show, Sunday and Monday. I'd appreciate those of you in Australia and New Zealand, if the show does air there shortly, please give us feedback as to what they cut and what's still in the show? It will give us a window as to what defamatory material Disney/ABC insisted on keeping in the show, which will help the lawsuits and our organizing.

    Secondly, when the show airs in the US, if Disney/ABC still run it, I want to be sure a number of us are live-blogging it to list the defamation and the errors. If Disney/ABC insist on making a cartoon out one of the blackest days in America history, then we will hold them responsible."

    Aren't these the same guys who "demand" freedom of speech on campuses and other venues? Does that apply only to speech from their side? Funny, I thought that speech was free for ALL OF THE UNITED STATES. I guess not. But I digress, as funny as the posting is, some of the comments (over 380 of them) are even funnier (or would stranger be a better word choice?) For example, this little bon mot:
    I think iTunes is a really good place to hit Steve Jobs and Apple. It is direct and to the point, and it is not platform-based.

    It is OUTRAGEOUS that they are offering this as a free download.

    They would notice immediately if there was a slack-off in sales.

    I have already written to Steve Jobs and the iTunes crew about this.
    samia | 09.09.06 - 6:38 pm |

    Wow, but this is mild compared to:
    It appears that the governments use of the MSM for propaganda distribution is becoming extremely transparent. If we, as Americans, cannot stop this from happening, or becoming any worse, then we have lost the control of our public servents, and more drastic actions must be taken. Boycotts/leaflets/emails/videos/ demonstations etc.
    Joe Danger | Homepage | 09.09.06 - 6:43 pm |"
    Joe Danger, what a nom-de-pixel that is. Ok lets see, the government controls the MSM enough to make it a propaganda arm of the Bushies. So, how did the NYTimes sneak by with those "expose's" of our efforts to listen in to Al Qaeda or monitor financial transactions? Hmmmmm?

    OK, how about this one:

    As well as an organized and long-term boycott of Disney and ABC, we should use this opportunity to call for reinstatement of the Fairness Doctrine.
    nervesofsteel | 09.09.06 - 6:50 pm |"
    OK, now that really is scary. The fairness doctrine was less about fairness than it was a way to silence the broadcasters (radio and TV) from airing any "political" speech because the so called doctrine would allow opposing views time on air. General Managers would have a scheduling nightmare and we'd loose talk radio and have to go back to elevator music. No thanks! One more reason not to elect Democrats or liberal Republicans. Oh, and by the way, the above commenter's nom-de-pixel is "nervesofsteel" More like "nerves-of-tinfoil." What a frightened little bunny!

    The latest (well, maybe not the absolute latest) lefty "talking point" (I'm being generous here you understand) is that this is NOT the same as Michael Moore's fatuous "Farenheit 9/11" which everyone now says was a "polemic." A polemic?

    po·lem·ic (p-lmk): adj : of or involving dispute or controversy [syn: polemical] n 1: a writer who argues in opposition to others (especially in theology) [syn: polemicist, polemist] 2: a controversy (especially over a belief or dogma)
    Really, seems to me that at the time many on the left didn't see any controversy at all, it was truth and a terrific slam on the Bush Administration (note: Marc Cooper, always his own man, saw it different and the vast majority of his commenters agreed - at the time, not now; now it's just a polemic).

    Again, I digress, the whole point of this little exercise is to point out the utter insanity of the left in regards to this docudrama. Reminds me of the "revised" words of the Bard: "The left doth protest too much, methinks."

    Cross posted at The Real Ugly American

    Update, I've only scratched the surface of the left's response to "The Pathway to 9-11" but James Joyner at Outside The Beltway has looked at how "The Left Remembers 9-11." It's an excellent read and I'm in awe of his article.

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:04 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

    August 29, 2006

    A Little Tuesday Morning Humor

    Sent to me by my brother Doug. Enjoy

    Reasons Why The English Language Is So Hard To Learn:

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
    present the present.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
    18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Continue reading "A Little Tuesday Morning Humor"
    Posted by GM Roper at 04:11 AM | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)

    August 22, 2006

    Good News! Conservatives Outbreed Liberals

    The Fertility Gap

    Liberals have a big baby problem: They're not having enough of them, they haven't for a long time, and their pool of potential new voters is suffering as a result. ...Given that about 80% of people with an identifiable party preference grow up to vote the same way as their parents, this gap translates into lots more little Republicans than little Democrats to vote in future elections.

    How does one liberal columnist explain this?

    "Maybe the scales are tipping to the neoconservative, homogenous right in our culture simply because they tend not to give much of a damn for the ramifications of wanton breeding and environmental destruction and pious sanctimony, whereas those on the left actually seem to give a whit for the health of the planet and the dire effects of overpopulation."

    In other words, liberals don't have children "for the children!"

    Well, we now know that liberals may be spending too much time sc---ing around with our lives rather than spending time just sc---ing around. (Is it okay to say that, G.M.?)

    Posted by Woody M. at 06:30 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

    August 19, 2006

    The Real Story on Castro's Surgery - And Baseball With Cuba

    Just to prove that you can't believe the communist press from Cuba (or the communist press in the U.S.), here's the real inside story on Castro's surgery:

    Castro Passes Pitching Duties To Brother While Undergoing
    Tommy John Surgery

    August 10, 2006 | Onion Sports

    Bet you didn't know that. Here's more.


    (Picture Left) Castro warms up in minor leagues
    (Right) Arguing with Hugo Chavez over who has coolest uniform

    Castro has been considered by many to be the best baseball pitcher to come out of Cuba, even better than El Duque--because he has the power to torture players who get hits off of him. I've read more than one story about thrown games in Cuba to insure that the teams got out in one piece--not to mention the pressure on the umpires.

    Maybe if Castro gives up ownership of the Cuban team, it can rejoin the American League rather than continue as part of the declining Communist League. This has a better chance than ping-pong diplomacy with China, as long as the spolier is gone. In the meantime, Bud Selig and Castro apologists can forget about a forced expansion into that region.

    Do you thnk that baseball fans could vote on Cuba's future and its leadership when they fill out their ballots for the All Stars? It could only result in an improvement.

    More on Cuban Baseball and Sports:
    Baseball in Cuba and the United States and these Pictures

    In the second link, note the picture of Che Guevara and Fidel Castro golfing together. Wouldn't that disappoint the anti-establishment, totally ignorant youth of today who love to wear Che T-shirts? If they only knew that Che had a ten handicap before becoming a revolutionary. (I bet he cheated.)

    Posted by Woody M. at 06:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    August 18, 2006

    There Are Nigerian Scams And Still More Nigerian Scams

    Everyone, well, except for the ethically challenged, knows about Nigerian Scams. In it, the scammer purports to be from some African nation and has something like 32 to 35 Million Dollars to share with you if you will only help them get the money out of the country. One that I received many moons ago purported to be a lawyer representing the estate of the late (and lamented?) Earl Roper who might be a relative of mine. I enjoyed responding to that one with a bogus history of Earl Roper who I asserted died in a riot in Times Square as a result of a M-1A-1 Main Battle Tank from the Pennsylvania National Guard being parachuted in to help quell the riots and accidentally landing on Earl's head. At any rate, the scammer actually, not realizing that this was about as much BS as I could pen in a day's time, wrote back and stated that he believed that this may have been the same uncle Earl and if I would transmit via e-mail my bank account numbers and other proof of identification, he would transmit via electronic means the millions to my account and I could keep some 40% for my efforts.

    Continue reading "There Are Nigerian Scams And Still More Nigerian Scams"
    Posted by GM Roper at 06:27 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    Quips for Believers!

    Don't let your worries get the
    best of you; remember, Moses started
    out as a basket case.

    Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited,
    until you try to sit in their pews.

    Many folks want to serve God,
    but only as advisors.

    The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
    but mosquitoes and chiggers come close.

    When you get to your wit's end,
    you'll find God lives there.

    People are funny; they want the
    front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

    Opportunity may knock once,
    but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

    Quit griping about your church;
    if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

    If the church wants a better pastor,
    it only needs to pray for the one it has.

    God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead.
    So why should you?

    Some minds are like concrete
    thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

    Peace starts with a smile.

    I don't know why some people change churches;
    what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

    A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises"
    are just sitting on the premises.

    We were called to be witnesses,
    not lawyers or judges.

    Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

    Forbidden fruits create many jams.

    God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

    God grades on the cross, not the curve

    God loves everyone,
    but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

    God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

    He who angers you, controls you!

    If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

    The task ahead of us is never as
    great as the Power behind us.

    The Will of God never takes you to
    where the Grace of God will not protect you.

    We don't change the message, the message changes us.

    You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to
    discourage him.

    If you enjoyed these, pass them on to your favorite believer.

    Posted by GM Roper at 04:37 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    August 12, 2006

    Another Suspicious Photo from Lebanon

    Is this actually a bomb crater from an Israeli airstrike? Hmmmmm. It looks familiar.

    (Look. It's really a joke. Okay?)

    Posted by Woody M. at 03:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    August 10, 2006

    Rubber Ducky?

    There is indeed something totally mind warping and surreal about seeing and listening to Rubber Ducky in Hebrew by "Ernie" from Sesame Street. Rubber Ducky has always been one of my favorite lite songs to sing just for the fun of it. So, for a bit of whimsey click on the video and enjoy!

    A tip 'O The GM Derby to David Bernstein from The Volokh Conspiracy

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:25 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    August 08, 2006

    New Hope for the Left !

    You know anybody who needs an "anti-stupid" pill?

    A German scientist has been testing an "anti-stupidity" pill with encouraging results....

    To the Left, please wait for its introduction before talking to me again about global warming, world peace, and taxes.

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:30 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    August 07, 2006

    From The Depth's Of The Oceans!

    Reuter's stringer apparantly "photoshopped" the smoke into the photograph, but forgot to photoshop HEZBILLA (or, as one commenter put it Godz-Allah) out of the photograph... look carefully to the right of the photo below. Now you see the REAL cause of the smoke!

    A tip 'O The GM Derby to Dymphna at Gates of Vienna

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:30 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    August 06, 2006

    12 Rules for Navigating in GM’s Corner

    As I have said many times before, cruising the internet is fun, especially following links from one site to another to another and to another. Early this morning at around Oh-Dark-Thirty, I was looking up an e-mail address for my young friend Peter who was our guest from Germany when he was a foreign exchange student. I came across an email from my co-blogger Woody that led me to a post by my friend Marc Cooper on his old typepad account which led me to a post by a commenter which led me to a post by Dean Esmay, a noted liberal blogger. Scrolling around Dean's World I came across Dean's 12 rules and found them to be so delightful, I thought I'd adapt them for GM's Corner. So, without fanfare, here are the "12 Rules for Navagating in GM's Corner (with all appropriate apologies to Dean Esmay):

    Periodically, I feel the need to remind people of a few things:

    1) This web site exists for the sole purpose of publicizing and discussing whatever interests me, whenever it interests me, for whatever reason it interests me.

    This includes whatever quirky whim strikes my fancy, at whatever time it strikes my fancy.

    By the way, we've been talking about you, and we think you're getting paranoid. I hope you can deal with that.

    2) "Conservative" means the following:
    A.) Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from preconceived notions of some “Reality Based” world/Point of View.
    B.) Favoring proposals for openness and honesty in government, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others except when those ideas and behavior intrude on the lives of others against their wishes (e.g., the tenets of islamo-fascism); broad-minded within the limits of being tolerant as noted above.

    That is a Platonic ideal I strive toward, not a paradigm I claim to represent. If at any time you think I fail to meet that ideal, I invite you to say so. The more polite you are in saying so, the more seriously I'm likely to take you. But I ain't Socrates, and I ain't Bill Buckley. You'll just have to live with that.

    3) If my definition of "conservative" doesn't fit in within the confines of what Al Frankin or Michael Moore tell you that "conservative" means, well, too freakin' bad. It's GM’s Corner, baby. You're just living in it.

    4) So long as people remain reasonably civil, and make reasonable efforts to avoid ad hominem attacks, I'm willing to let them say damn near anything they want here.

    5) I'm more tolerant of personal attacks on me than I am toward contributors. But I make no claims to perfection in either area. I do my best. But, I'd really rather you direct your heat toward ideas you don't like, rather than people who chafe your buttocks.

    6) Don't get upset if you find me arguing with you. Don't get upset if several people argue with you. If you hang out here long enough, you'll find this can happen to anyone, at any time. Consider that you might be wrong, or, stand your ground and explain why everyone else is wrong.

    There have been several times where I myself have been the only one defending my position against a dozen or more people who thought I was totally wrong. Other than hiring gypsy witches to put curses upon them and their progeny, I exacted no revenge at all unless they were so egregious I was forced (forced I tell you, yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it) to ban them (and even then, sometimes they use different ailiases and or IP addresses to get around the ban - that's ok, it only means that they were pretty clever at the time, not to say dishonest if you take my meaning.)

    7) I freely confess to this completely arbitrary standard: people I'm familiar with will be cut more slack than people I'm not familiar with. Is that fair? Well, no. But I won't put up with trolls, or people who are abusive solely for the purpose of being abusive. My judgment on that point will, without apology, be tempered by how familiar I am with you and/or your writings.

    Who's the final judge? Hey. It's GM’s Corner, baby.

    8) I'll yank absolutely anyone's chain if I think they've crossed a certain line. Is the line always obvious, or set in stone? Nope. But regulars to this establishment respect it.

    9) The longer you're here, the more slack you'll be cut. However, no one except my wife gets infinite slack.

    So, does this mean I'll let The Assistant Village Idiot or Civil Truth or Marc Cooper or Texas Fred or Rick Calvert or Dr. Sanity or even Woody chew me out more than someone I'm not familiar with? Yep. Also, does that mean I'll let Shrinkwrapped or Too Many Steves or dougf rant more than I will someone I don't know at all? Yeah, it does. Them I've seen in action. You, I probably haven't.

    Fair? Get your own web site, and we'll talk about fair.

    10) Other than a few donations to fight my cancer that I've gotten now and then from readers, I get nothing for this. So, you know, if you don't like what you find here, don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.

    11) There is no 11. [for an explanation of this, I forthwith give you some of the comments on Dean's 12 rules]

    There is, in fact, an 11. I can understand why you choose not to mention it publicly, but to deny its existence is just COLD.

    Posted by Gary Utter on September 22, 2003 at 3:52 AM

    The first part of rule 11 is that you don't talk about rule 11!

    Posted by Dean Esmay on September 22, 2003 at 4:10 AM

    In fact, it is forbidden even to refer to "the rule between Rule 10 and Rule 12."

    Or "the rule six down from Rule 5." Or "the rule whose number is a palindrome."

    But "the rule that proclaims its own nonexistence" is permissible in certain very limited circumstances.

    Posted by McGehee on September 22, 2003 at 9:49 AM

    12) Argue. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell everyone else they're wrong. Play in GM’s Corner. Just remember whose it is. If you don't like it, you can appeal to GM, or you can just leave, and to be honest, I'd rather you left because I seldom grant appeals (big grin inserted here).

    A tip 'O The GM Derby to Dean Esmay

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:16 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    July 24, 2006

    How to Waste A Perfectly Good $6,000

    Trying to make Hillary Clinton Look Good

    Hillary Hair.jpg

    Clinton, the likely 2008 Democratic White House front-runner, ponied up nearly $3,000 in campaign cash for her blond tresses to get some presidential pampering from acclaimed D.C. stylist Isabelle Goetz. Recently released federal fund-raising records show Clinton shelled out $1,500 in April for Goetz to carefully craft her coiffure and another $1,000 for a camera-ready clip in May. She passed off both styling sessions as "media production" expenses.

    She can also take credit for working the West Wing - the NBC version. Clinton paid Lacy an eye-popping $1,600 for some eye-lining in mid-May and another mind-boggling $1,300 for some makeup two weeks later. Again, Clinton justified the makeovers as a media production expense.

    They might as well burned the money as waste it that way. Can you imagine the uproar if some Republican was caught using campaign funds in this manner? But, maybe it turned Bill on, if she ever sees him.

    Posted by Woody M. at 03:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    July 19, 2006

    Anonymous Lawyer

    In the mail: Anonymous Lawyer by Jeremy Blachman.

    I had received an e-mail from Jeremy a few weeks ago regarding his new first novel and he was asking if Iwould read it and do a review. Of course, since he was so polite and an attorney I said yes; didn't want my fanny sued for being obstreperous, after all, you know all about lawyers don't you? The book finally arrived after being tossed about in the US Mail for a week or so and I took it with me today to read while at the Doctors office. My doc is going on a short trip so he rescheduled his appointments for tomorrow and Friday to today and the result was one long wait.

    The protagonist of the book is the Hiring Partner of a large, wealthy, busy law firm. He is the epitome of the self centered, snobbish, narcissistic, ego-maniac lawyer (Hmm, sounds like maybe a prototypical robber baron perhaps). His antics in the firm so far hilarious to say the least. A small sample? I don't think Jeremy will mind (Note, in the firm, there is a brand new chairman of the firm. Anonymous Lawyer who is just starting to blog is really wanting to be the ONE when this chairman is forced out/retires. His only competition is a lawyer who started the same time as Anonymous Lawyer and who AL calls "The Jerk"):

    I passed The New Chairman in the hall on the way back from the bathroom. The stress of three days on the job looked like it was getting to him. He seemed fatter than usual. "You didn't stay too long at my picnic on Saturday," I said to him. "I was hoping you'd get a chance to see the house."

    "[The Jerk} wanted to get me up to speed on what's going on in litigation. Before I even knew what was happening, we were at The Palm talking about new avenues of business for the firm to start exploring in the Asian market. I'll see the house some other time. I heard the event went well."

    "It did. I'd love to engage in theAsian discussions as well, if you think my input would be useful."

    "I didn't know you knew anything about the Asian market," he said.

    "Sure I do. My neighbor's Asian. Chinese, I think."

    But, I digress. As it turned out, I didn't mind the wait one little bit. It gave me a chance to start treading. And what a read it is. I've only read the first 75 pages of a 272 page book, but I haven't chuckled/smiled/laughed this much reading a book for a long, long time. In fact, a couple of times, I got a couple of very strange looks in the waiting room of the Oncologist's office. "How dare someone laugh when most of us have cancer" the looks seemed to say. But you know what folks, this book is such a delight, I'm taking it with me for my next chemo treatment on Friday. I don't think I'll mind the treatment one bit. Thanks Jeremy, and I'm adding your blog to my list on the right. It's that good folks, even if Jeremy IS a lawyer.

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:12 PM | Comments (0)

    July 15, 2006

    Michael Meyn Interviews Bill Clinton (...Interviews?... yes, Interviews...ed)

    My good friend Michael Meyn writing at Misunderestimated Germans has an interview up with Bill Clinton. I laughed my fanny off. So will you!

    UPDATE: Civil Truth, a fine fellow indeed reminds me that Michael recently took the oath and has become a United States Citizen. Michael, as I said in an email to you, as both a native born and naturalized American Citizen (yes, there is a rational explanation) welcome and I'm proud to call you brother. I'm adding the video that your friend made, because as CT says: it'll leave a lump in your throat. The post is here, and the video is

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:56 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    July 13, 2006

    Children's Books for Healthy Minds

    reg, our unbalanced commenter, often recommends books to me such as Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed and Help! Mom! Hollywood's in My Hamper!--both charming children's books to help mold innocent minds into good citizens. Without his help, I have found a new book to help them understand the world today. It used to be that we had to warn our children to avoid strangers. But, now we see that there are greater dangers by associating with liberals, so we now offer this new fare. Enjoy!



    Found at Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:10 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)

    July 07, 2006

    Moi? Improper? But Of Course!

    The truly funny (weird?) blog "Alabama Improper" has started a new blogroll called (what else) Improper Blogs.

    Now, most of you know me as a very understated, shy, reticent, mildly conservative, mostly republican individual who would never, ever say any thing rude or offensive; and yet ... and yet ... there is this part of me that absolutely want's to be outgoing and occasionally "improper." Of course, those of you that know me well, those that have been reading my blog since it's inception (both of you) or have judged my character by the writing skills of Woody, my partner in crime, probably think I'm a knuckle dragging, Neandertholic, rightwing nutjob who is damned proud of it and makes no bones about it and takes names but not prisoners. (I only take names for the purposes of notifying the Graves Registration for Stupid Leftoids). So, I think I'm joining Improper Bloggers. Not for the above reasons, but because as a lad (right up to my 50th birthday my mom always, ALWAYS said I was an "IMP" and my last name is ROPER So, there you have it boys and girls... one more blog roll to spread my fame and earn a fortune. Well, as Woody can attest, fame.

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:39 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

    July 05, 2006

    Newly Discovered Site!

    G.M. frequently recommends a new blog or site that is really interesting, and I've been feeling kind of left out. But now, I discovered a site on my own, which is new to me, and it may be of interest to some of you: Communists for Kerry! I particularly liked this story covering voting rights for dead people. If you go there, tell them that G.M. sent you--don't even mention my name.

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:20 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    July 01, 2006

    Why is Bill Clinton smiling?

    Did you ever wonder why President Clinton stood on his head to give away our missile guidance secrets to the Chinese and how he had such "good luck" getting contributions through Johnny Chung?

    Look at his smile from this perspective and ask yourself if there's anything strange about it.

    Continue reading to see the image right-side up and find out maybe why he has that smile and what it reveals.

    Continue reading "Why is Bill Clinton smiling?"
    Posted by Woody M. at 10:00 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    June 29, 2006

    Good News! I will take your money so you will feel good.

    I read weird things at times, so excuse me for wandering over to RealClimate, where I found a link to a site that will ease your conscience over global warming. If you send $99 to Carbonfund, you will be absolved of all personal guilt about global warming--and, you get a pen! People are actually taking this seriously. So, this has spurred me on to offer something to ease your conscience over personal attacks--for a fee, of course.

    Here's what it does. You read a comment by a leftist and you want to tell him that he's an idiot--in so many words. Maybe you're a leftist and you want to tell conservatives that they are &%^$^@ crazy (conservatives use better language.) Well, go ahead and do it with no guilt whatsoever--as long as I'm paid, again. Send me $1 every time that you call someone else a bad name and I will reduce by one the bad names that I call others. Therefore, your name-calling will be off-set and will have zero effect on the civil discourse of the internet. What a great deal!

    It's the least that I can do. But, don't expect a pen for only a dollar. And, if liberals read this post and take advantage of my offer, I'll be rich! ...But, wait, there could be a flaw here. What if liberals don't feel guilty about calling conservatives bad names? Hmmm. I think this needs more work.

    Posted by Woody M. at 07:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    Joke of the Week!

    I cheerfully stole this joke from Ric Ottaiano who blogs at Release the Hounds. Thanks Rick, you have permission to steal any of my jokes too.

    Abu al-Zarqawi died.

    George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive and fought so hard for!"

    Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!"

    James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

    Thomas Jefferson was next, beat al-Zarqawi with a long cane and snarled, "It was Evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."

    The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe, and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

    As al-Zarqawi lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared.

    Al-Zarqawi wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

    The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"

    Ric has a great blog by the way, drop by often, add him to your bookmarks. You won't regret it.

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:01 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

    June 21, 2006

    You Might Be a Liberal If....

    Here's a take-off on Jeff Foxworthy's skit, but renamed "You might be a liberal if...."

    If you thought the Stars and Stripes was the enemy flag... ...you might be a liberal.

    If you have more than five bumper stickers on your car... ...you might be a liberal.

    If you think that hatred is inexcusable ? unless it's directed at President Bush... ...you might be a liberal.

    If you have mistaken a government agency for your bank... ...you might be a liberal.

    If you think you're better than everyone else but that no one should ever be allowed to win at anything... ...you might be a liberal.

    If you think that everyone should be allowed to express themselves ? but only as long as they agree with you... ...you might be a liberal.

    If you have mistaken the professional arts for a political platform... ...you might be a liberal.

    Pretty funny, and that's only part of the list. You can find the complete list in an article titled "You Might Be A Liberal If... What liberals look like through one conservative's sense of humor" at Democracy Means You, which, interestingly, is a liberal site. At least one liberal has a sense of humor...but, oh, wait. The writer turned out to be a conservative friend of a liberal on the site. I knew it was too good to be true.

    Posted by Woody M. at 07:50 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    June 20, 2006

    A Lexicon For The Left

    I absolutely LOVE liberals. If it weren't for liberals those of us who can think rationally would have nothing to laugh at. For example, I was reading about the Governor of Maryland today and the words used for him was "Moderate." Now, the Governor of Maryland is a Republican, he is also conservative and has beaten back many of the really stupid, anti-business, anti-citizen, anti-just about everything except taxes, and that he has beaten back many pro-tax initiatives of the heavily Democratic legislature. So, to tick off the conservatives, who are somewhat upset with some of the Governor's actions, they call him a "Moderate." As if that will keep the conservatives from voting for the only Republican Governor elected in a very blue state for some time. So, let us begin:

    Abortion: Does not exist, in its place is an action of a woman exercising her right to privacy and full control over her body. Full control over her body does not apply to the concept that unprotected sex may lead to pregnancy and if it does, it’s the damn guys fault anyway.

    Cold Blooded Murder: Prejudging any action by a soldier in a combat zone if and only if done before an investigation is concluded, charges have been filed or guilt (if any) ascribed to a specific individual. If a Republican administration initiates an investigation before anyone else knows about a suspected illegal action but charges are not filed against the President, Vice President, Karl Rove or a high ranking General, then it is called a Cover-up.

    Cover-up: See Cold Blooded Murder immediately above.

    Culture of Corruption: Any Republican for any reason or for no reason at all. This opprobrium does NOT apply to Congressman Jefferson (D., La.) or Congressman Jim Moran (D., Va.) or any other individual at the local, state or national level if they have a D behind their name.

    Free Speech: Any thing uttered in any circumstances by a Democrat. Given the same circumstances when uttered by a Republican it is called Hate Speech.

    Hate Speech: An utterance by a Republican that points out the error of thinking as applied to “affirmative action,” “abortion,” or “the marriage amendment/laws,” or anything else the Democrats dislike.

    Indictment: Any legal action that should have been taken against Karl Rove but wasn't (See also Culture of Corruption above).

    Democratic Moderate: A Democrat who toes the Democratic Party line and adopts the Democratic Party Talking Points regardless of that individuals voting pattern (Republicans use the term Liberal). This applies to everyone except Joe Lieberman (D, Conn.) who is according to the Kossacks and DUers a turncoat. It does not apply to Senator Zell Miller (D., Ga.) who gave a fine address at the Republican Convention in 2004, he is also a turncoat.

    Lied us into war: This applies to any mention of WMDs or any other reason mentioned by Bush, Cheney, Rove, any neo-con or any member of either Bush Administration. Of course, they cannot pin down any specific lie, the fact that not only the United States intelligence had them in Iraq, German Intelligence had them in Iraq, French intelligence (yes, that is an oxymoron) had them in Iraq, Russian intelligence had them in Iraq and British intelligence had them in Iraq. That doesn't matter, nor does it matter that Saddam Hussein (pieces be on him like his protégé Zarqawi) tried really hard to convince everybody that he had them.

    Moderate: A conservative Democrat who they don't want to use, or a liberal Republican they want to stay put. Sometimes it also means a conservative Republican who has some "moderate" bits to his record so the other Republicans won't vote for him. (and yes, him as used here, is the inclusive pronoun - PC language be damned)

    Pro-choice: Any action taken to insure that the prospective mother does not give a live birth. (See also Abortion)

    Tax cuts for the rich: Oh, this is a goody. Of course the Democrats cannot explain why the amount of taxes paid by the rich has increased, nor can they explain why tax revenues have substantially increased to the point where the deficit may be halved 3 years earlier than forecast. According to the Democrats, if you make more than the poverty level, you are rich and all of your income should be turned over to them for them to decide how it should be spent. If you are Paul Krugman, you are just clueless anyway.

    Speaking Truth to Power: A term that originally meant telling someone in power something they didn’t want to hear and that could get the speaker tossed in jail, or executed or loss of something significant. For Democrats, it is applied to scoundrels such as Jack Murtha (D., Pa.) who mouth off at the administration about anything that the Democrats think will elect them in the fall or give them back the White House in 2008.

    Whistle blowing: An act by a Democrat or Democrat sympathizer that exposes anything a Republican administration does, up to and including exposing national security information that would land anyone else in jail. This specifically does not apply to anything a Republican does, that is called illegal outing of a covert operator (read spy) in order to get even with a former ambassador who lied about his actions anyway and has been exposed by numerous bodies as a liar. When legal charges are applied to members of the media it is called “suppression of free speech.”

    This concludes today’s lesson, I’ve talked about these things in the past and this message/lesson has been brought to you as a public service. If you have additional words to add please add them in the comments section. That’s all of my time and I thank you for yours.

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:43 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

    June 13, 2006

    When The Frogs Go Marching In...

    You know the tune, so sing along with Mitch... (I know, I just dated myself)!

    Oh when the Frogs....
    Oh when the Frogs,
    Oh when the Frogs go marchin innnn.....

    You won't find Rove in their number,
    When the Frogs go marching in."

    On June 12, 2006, special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald formally advised us that he does not anticipate seeking charges against Karl Rove," Rove's lawyer, Robert Luskin, said in a statement."

    A tip 'O the GM Derby to Parttime Pundit

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:00 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    June 12, 2006

    For Those Of Us Nearing Senior Citizen Status

    Elvis, had he lived would be 70 this year. All of us who actually remember "The Pelvis" are getting up there too. In fact, none of us are getting younger and in that light:

    ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? (Senior Citizen Version)

    Are you lonesome tonight?
    Does your tummy feel tight?
    Did you bring your mylanta and tums?

    Does your memory stray,
    To that bright sunny day,
    When you had all your teeth and your gums?

    Is your hairline receding?
    Your eyes growing dim?
    Hysterectomy for her,
    And its prostate for him.

    Does your back give you pain?
    Do your knees predict rain?
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

    Is your blood pressure up?
    Good cholesterol down?
    Are you eating your low fat cuisine?

    All that oat bran and fruit,
    Metamucil to boot.
    Helps you run like
    A well oiled machine.

    If it's football or baseball,
    He sure knows the score.
    Yes, he knows where it's at
    But forgets what it's for.

    So your gallbladder's gone,
    But your gout lingers on,
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

    When you're hungry, he's not,
    When you're cold, he is hot,
    Then you start that old thermostat war.

    When you turn out the light,
    He goes left and you go right,
    Then you get his great symphonic snore.

    He was once so romantic,
    So witty and smart;
    How did he turn out to be such
    A cranky old fart?

    So don't take any bets,

    It's as good as it gets,

    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

    Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:37 PM | Comments (16) | TrackBack (0)

    June 02, 2006

    In the Navy: Steaks and a Life of Ease

    A recent commenter on this site, who had been in Iraq, said that those who served in the Navy had it pretty easy, including steaks at night. I did some checking and found out that we can duplicate their easy lives just by following certain steps at home. I didn't see steaks on the list, but I can correct that.

    Ways to simulate being in the Navy when you're at home: from LaughNet

    Surround yourself with 200 people that you don't really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill,and use foul language like a child uses sugar on cereal.

    Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40 people using the same commode.

    Wear only military uniforms. Even though nobody cares, clean and press one dress uniform and wear it for 20 minutes.

    Work in 19-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night.

    Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's socks.

    Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power.

    Study the owner's manual for all household appliances. Routinely take an appliance apart and put it back together.

    Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port. Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes. Find the worst looking place, and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry. Drink as many as you can in four hours. Take a cab home taking the longest possible route. Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress funny and don't speak right.

    Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it or not.

    Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you know read the morning paper outloud. Be sure to have him skip over anything pertinent.

    Paint your house grey (exterior) include windows except for rooms you do not frequent, paint your car grey, paint your driveway a different shade of grey.

    I suspect that those from other branches of the military never had to go through anything like this. But, if you believe differently, you can help us add to this list or make one for your own branch of service so that all Americans can experience the joys of military life. (Keep it light, which means no rantings about killing civilians and such by lefties, who could learn to enjoy humor and life once in a while.)

    The listing above was only a partial list. For the full list, go to this link: LaughNet

    Posted by Woody M. at 08:40 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

    In the Navy: Steaks and a Life of Ease

    A recent commenter on this site, who had been in Iraq, said that those who served in the Navy had it pretty easy, including steaks at night. I did some checking and found out that we can duplicate their easy lives just by following certain steps at home. I didn't see steaks on the list, but I can correct that.

    Ways to simulate being in the Navy when you're at home: from LaughNet

    Surround yourself with 200 people that you don't really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill,and use foul language like a child uses sugar on cereal.

    Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40 people using the same commode.

    Wear only military uniforms. Even though nobody cares, clean and press one dress uniform and wear it for 20 minutes.

    Work in 19-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night.

    Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's socks.

    Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power.

    Study the owner's manual for all household appliances. Routinely take an appliance apart and put it back together.

    Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port. Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes. Find the worst looking place, and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry. Drink as many as you can in four hours. Take a cab home taking the longest possible route. Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress funny and don't speak right.

    Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it or not.

    Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you know read the morning paper outloud. Be sure to have him skip over anything pertinent.

    Paint your house grey (exterior) include windows except for rooms you do not frequent, paint your car grey, paint your driveway a different shade of grey.

    I suspect that those from other branches of the military never had to go through anything like this. But, if you believe differently, you can help us add to this list or make one for your own branch of service so that all Americans can experience the joys of military life. (Keep it light, which means no rantings about killing civilians and such by lefties, who could learn to enjoy humor and life once in a while.)

    The listing above was only a partial list. For the full list, go to this link: LaughNet

    Posted by Woody M. at 08:40 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

    Planck's Constant, a delightful blog, has a series of serious questions that seriously need a serious answer. A sample, then go read the whole thing:

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? [Moreover, why does he wear his underwear on the outside of his tights and what kind of man wears a cape anyway?]

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? [Actually, it's cold up there. To push the question to its logical conclusion, why do they bother wearing any clothes at all?]

    Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? [To tell the difference from people who do not have a lithp]

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? [Who said ALL the apes evolved? - More importantly, who said ALL humans are evolved?]

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:19 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    May 26, 2006

    Noise Interpreted As Shots Fired At Sam Rayburn Building

    It is really not funny, but there were "shots fired" which didn't turn out to be shots at all. But for a while, confusion reigned and information was hard to come by. The BEST blogging on the subject was Rick at The Real Ugly American.

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    May 18, 2006

    G.M.'s Gems or a Roper Repeat

    It occurred to us that many of our readers are new and may have missed earlier posts that we found amusing or which deserve retrospection in light of what was predicted versus what actually happened. (To be totally honest, this also helps when we cannot post because of work or sickness.) From time-to-time, we will present selected repeat posts for you. Here is one now.

    Would you like cream or sugar with this?

    Enjoy coffee with the boss. It's on us!

    GM's Corner admires and spotlights honesty. So, enjoy a cup of coffee on us in a visit with an honest boss. Click on An Honest Boss.

    Posted by GM & Woody at 08:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    May 10, 2006

    But, Can He Carry Florida?

    Just something else to drive the left crazy.

    Brother Jeb would make 'great' US president: Bush

    President George W. Bush praised his brother, Florida governor Jeb Bush, as an "excellent" leader who would make a "great president" of the United States.... "I think Jeb would be a great president. But it's up to Jeb to make a decision to run."

    Think of the benefits of electing Florida Gov. Bush as President. Maybe this time Barbra Streisand, Alec Baldwin, and half of California might really leave the country for good. To put the punctuation mark on it, Brother Jeb could decide to keep Dick Cheney as his Vice President, since the VP isn't limited to two terms.

    However, J.B. needs to worry about his brother's low ratings--that is, until the Democrats nominate their next out-of-touch, left-wing radical, tax-and-spend, open the borders, kiss up to Castro, act like the French, and gut the military candidate...who will be roundly rejected by the voters.

    Posted by Woody M. at 01:30 PM | Comments (26) | TrackBack (0)

    Oil Shortage Explained

    A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.

    Our oil is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, and Texas.

    Our dipsticks are located in Washington DC.

    Posted by Woody M. at 08:00 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

    May 05, 2006

    Bored? Tired of Politics? Tired of Liberals? Try These.

    I enjoy brain teasers because they, unlike liberals, can be logically explained. If you want to take a rest from politics and liberals, try these puzzles that I enjoyed:


    1. Monty Hall Dilemma

    Imagine that the set of Monty Hall's game show Let's Make a Deal has three closed doors. Behind one of these doors is a car; behind the other two are goats. The contestant does not know where the car is, but Monty Hall does.

    The contestant picks a door and Monty opens one of the remaining doors, one he knows doesn't hide the car. If the contestant has already chosen the correct door, Monty is equally likely to open either of the two remaining doors.

    After Monty has shown a goat behind the door that he opens, the contestant is always given the option to switch doors. What is the probability of winning the car if she stays with her first choice? What if she decides to switch?

    Should the contestant keep the original door that she picked or switch? It's one thing to know the answer, but quite another to know why it is correct. Well, you should always switch from the door you originally picked. Why? To better understand the probabilities, try this exercise.


    2. The Missing Dollar

    Three men go to stay at a motel, and the man at the desk charges them $30.00 for a room. They split the cost ten dollars each. Later the manager tells the desk man that he overcharged the men, that the actual cost should have been $25.00. The manager gives the bellboy $5.00 and tells him to give it to the men. The bellboy, however, decides to cheat the men and pockets $2.00, giving each of the men only one dollar.

    Now each man has paid $9.00 to stay in the room and 3 x $9.00 = $27.00. The bellboy has pocketed $2.00. $27.00 + $2.00 = $29.00 - so where is the missing $1.00?

    Hint: It didn't go for taxes. Go to the bottom of the problem's link for the solution--but, only after you've tried to answer it.


    3. Guess Your Number

    This puzzle allows you to pick one number out of a jumbled set, and the character in the game will guess your number. Well, if that doesn't make sense, just play the game and you will understand it. Click on the above link which will take you to the quiz, and advance each page by clicking on the guy at the bottom right "thumbing a ride."

    How does it work? In the third grade, I learned a math concept called "casting out nines" to check my math. There's your hint. If you understand the concept, you can impress your friends by guessing their numbers.


    Wasn't that fun and a nice diversion from the worries of the world? If you didn't cheat and looked ahead at the solutions, these could keep you busy for hours--years if you're a liberal. Okay, back to work.

    Posted by Woody M. at 09:20 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    April 28, 2006

    History Test

    Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple choice test. The events are actual events from history. They actually happened! Do you remember?

    1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
    a. Superman
    b. Jay Leno
    c. Harry Potter
    d. a Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40

    2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by
    a. Olga Corbett
    b. Sitting Bull
    c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
    a. Lost Norwegians
    b. Elvis
    c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
    a. John Dillinger
    b. The King of Sweden
    c. The Boy Scouts
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
    a. A pizza delivery boy
    b. Pee Wee Herman
    c. Geraldo Rivera
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:
    a. The Smurfs
    b. Davey Jones
    c. The Little Mermaid
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:
    a. Captain Kidd
    b. Charles Lindberg
    c. Mother Teresa
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
    a. Scooby Doo
    b. The Tooth Fairy and The Sundance Kid
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
    a. Richard Simmons
    b. Grandma Moses
    c. Michael Jordan
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
    a. Mr. Rogers
    b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
    c. The World Wrestling Federation
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by:
    a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
    b. The Supreme Court of Florida
    c. Mr. Bean
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
    a. Enron
    b. The Lutheran Church
    c. The NFL
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
    a. Bonnie and Clyde
    b. Captain Kangaroo
    c. Billy Graham
    d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

    12-13 correct = Conservative, Proud, Probably Republican and A History Buff.
    10-11 correct = Conservative, Proud, and A History Buff.
    07-09 correct = Probably a bit too Progressive for most readers of this Blog.
    05-06 correct = Progressive or liberal, unable to learn from history.
    03-04 correct = Not at all able to learn from history, asks "Why do they hate us?"
    00-02 correct = Your name is either Kennedy, Murtha, Pelosi, Reid, Zinni or perhaps Zarqawi or you are a member of that group of raggamuffins called Al Qaeda.

    Nope, ......I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest they be guilty of profiling. Let's remind this to as many people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds and other dunder-headed attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel doubly ashamed of themselves -- if they have any such sense. As the writer of the award winning story "Forrest Gump" so aptly put it, "Stupid is as stupid does."

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:48 AM | Comments (40) | TrackBack (0)

    April 25, 2006

    "All We Are Saying, Is Give Peace a Chance"--Right after this station break.

    Just when I had almost given up any hope for the world, we were visited by the late Beatle John Lennon through a seance in which he called for peace. Before you pass this off as just another sign of nuttiness from the left, you might want to learn more.

    Lennon asks for peace: TV seance (Reuters 04/25/2005)

    "Peace ... The Message is Peace."

    That's what the producers of a US pay-television seance to contact John Lennon claimed the former Beatle said when communicating with them from beyond the grave.

    People who...watch(ed) the pay-per-view Lennon special...saw audio crew members, a psychic and an expert in paranormal activity claim that the late Beatle's spirit made contact with them through what is described as an Electronic Voice Phenomenon (EVP). ...EVP is based on a belief that spirit voices communicate through radio and TV broadcast signals.

    On the television show, filming...suddenly stopped and a narrator said something odd has happened. Show participants said that a mysterious voice can be heard on Power's voice feed. The producers called in "EVP specialist" Sandra Belanger to examine the voice and she proclaims it Lennon's.

    Producer Paul Sharratt, who heads Starcast Productions and calls himself a sceptic, said hearing the voice has made him a believer. ....

    Hey, call me crazy, but that's proof enough for me!

    Other people missing John Lennon's advice for the world, according to this article, include Cuban dictator Fidel Castro: "What makes him great in my eyes is his thinking, his ideas. I share his dreams completely. I too am a dreamer who has seen his dreams turn into reality,'' added the 74-year-old former guerrilla who took power in the 1959 Cuban Revolution. ...The Communist Party daily, Granma, put the Beatles on a list of the most "relevant'' figures of the 20th century last year, below Castro, Russian revolutionary Vladimir Lenin, and Argentine-born guerrilla Ernesto "Che" Guevara.

    Well, why not? After all, Lennon not only said, "Give peace a chance,' he also gave us these words of widsom:

    If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.

    Okay, so for all of you who spent $9.95 on pay-per-view to watch the John Lennon seance calling for peace--get rid of those televisions so that there will be peace! Now!

    So, are you now convinced that this isn't more nonsense from the loony left? If Castro and the communists admire John Lennon, then he must have had ideas appealing to them, too. Now, where's my remote control?

    Posted by Woody M. at 05:40 PM | Comments (4)

    April 24, 2006

    WUZZADEM Strikes Again

    There is funny and there is


    Posted by GM Roper at 08:36 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    April 20, 2006

    Renaissance Man

    If you are lucky in life you will have many, many friends. Some are close, some are stodgy, tried and true. Some are weird, some are WYSIWYG. And sometimes, if you are very lucky and very good at picking such a friend when they do come by, you will find one who is all of the above.

    Such a friend of mine is a fellow by the name of, well, I'll call him Tom short for Thomas which is good because that happens to be his real name. I first met Tom in May of 2001 when I began some consulting work for an adolescent substance abuse treatment center. Tom was the director of operations. We soon became more than just nodding acquaintances, but not quite friends. Over the years however, a true friendship developed between me the wiser and younger and him the slightly older (he'll never see 59 years old again). Tom is a world class practical joker, but never the mean sort. Once, he took my picture and unbeknownst to me treated it with his many digital skills on Photoshop and making my head a perfect Chia Head. The kids in the facility noted that it really wasn't like me because I had this "great big bald spot" on the back of my head. One adolescent looked at the photo, then at me, then back at the photo and thought I could cover up the bald spot if I used Miracle Gro. Nice kid. Tom got a laugh out of that, and still does as a matter of fact.

    In the very early part of our relationship, there was a fire alarm set off by one of the tar pots used in re-roofing the building. The fire department came out with the captain in one of the largest fire trucks I have ever seen in my life. I walked up to him to explain that it had been a false alarm but before I could even introduce myself he asked (in a rather ticked off voice) "Who's in charge here?"

    Since I was only a consultant I pointed to the Director of Operations and said he is. Again in a stern and ticked off voice the Fire Captain asked "What's your name?" Tom, with out batting an eye or any sign of being dishonest said "George M. Roper" Thanks Tom!

    Tom is also one of those guys that likes to do nice things for his friends when he is not pulling jokes. When I was diagnosed with cancer, Tom was there with encouragement, prayers and friendship. He visited me in the hospital every day that I was there and those visits were deeply appreciated. Tom commiserated with me when my hair started falling out because of the chemo-therapy and talked about having to cover my head when outside so the glare wouldn't blind pilots flying nearby. But he also took a photo and treated it with kindness, respect and true friendship. He put it up on the web and if you want to see what I really look like, click here. I told Tom that every time I watched it, I got a little weepy eyed. Initially he said only "Yeah!"

    But telling stories of Tom's practical jokes and digital skills is not the purpose of this post, telling you about this great guy is.

    Tom had a rough childhood, mother died of cancer when he was very young, dad was kind of cruel and abusive. Tom ran away from home at about 15 or so and lived in a car for a couple of years. Encouraged to join the Army by a judge who didn't think Tom was a bad boy (note: The judge didn't ask ME!!!) he enlisted and served with distinction.

    Over the years, Tom has worked in a number of industries, most notably the exciting field of Art. Now, I'm not a serious connoisseur of art, but "I know what I like." I have a "chopped" Dali print, a number of signed and numbered prints of Itzchak Tarkay. But I digress, Tom has forgotten more about art than I will ever know. And so, he has opened his own online shop to sell quality art prints and posters. Works by Da Vinci, Picasso, Dali and Van Gogh. Works by Ansel Adams, Frieda Kahlo and Diego Rivera not to mention Andy Warhol and Monet. Great pieces at great prices. So, I've added a link to the jpeg at the upper left and if you click on it, it will take you to his site. I've also added a blogad in the side bar on the right. Browse around and see if you don't see something you like.

    Full Disclosure: I don't get a nickel from Tom if you buy something, but I think that if you do, I will be very appreciative.

    So, in part, this is to get even with you Tom, but in a big part it is also to tell you what a great friend you are.

    Tom, I have to see you 5 days a week, but that is ok, I can take some anti-nausea medicine when I get home! ;-)

    UPDATE: Tom, who in my world is King Digital is also an Ambassador for Coffee Cup software. He gave me a mini-cd with all kinds of cool programs a lot are free and the rest are available at substantial discounts. If you would like a copy of this CD, send an email with your name and address to this link, you won't regret it.

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:59 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    Speculation on New White House Press Secretary

    After yesterday's announcement that Scott McClellan will be stepping down as President Bush's White House Press Secretary, attention turned immediately to possible replacements to succeed him. Here are brief profiles on two candidates:

    One, let's call him Tony, served as a speech writer for President Bush and is currently a news host on Fox News. The other, "Bob," is an unemployed former press secretary who suddently lost his job after new management replaced his former boss. Who do you think would be the best choice?

    TS.jpg. . . BB.jpg

    The former speech writer is intelligent and honest--a good choice for the right. However, the second guy has been saying exactly what the left wants to hear, "No U.S. troops in Iraq," so maybe he would be a good choice for them.

    Posted by Woody M. at 08:40 AM | Comments (37) | TrackBack (0)

    April 10, 2006

    Jimmy Carter: "Kill the Wabbit"

    Do you remember the episode when President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a killer rabbit--as documented in the picture below?

    Carter Fights Rabbit.jpg

    1979: Killer Rabbit Circles President in Boat Attack

    Well, a lot of people made fun of Carter, but there is good news. A killer rabbit has been caught which may redeem the reputation of our former president. Click on this link and listen to our former commander in chief order the successful dispatch our enemy, which is shown captured in the next picture.

    Killer Rabbit.jpg

    Ehhh, What's Up, Doc?

    This won't win a peace prize, but can he have his reputation back?

    Posted by Woody M. at 12:30 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

    April 08, 2006

    Love Lust and Marriage

    Love: When you take a bubble bath together
    Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
    Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

    Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two
    Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
    Marriage: 4 McDonald's Happy Meals . . . to go

    Love: Giving your love some candy
    Lust: Thinking you are the candy
    Marriage: Scraping the kids' candy off of the carpet

    Love: Sex every night
    Lust: Sex 5 times a night
    Marriage: What's sex?

    Love: A night out at the symphony
    Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
    Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice

    Love: French perfume
    Lust: Brut aftershave
    Marriage: "The baby needs changing. . ."

    Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
    Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
    Marriage: Your teenaged daughter has borrowed all of your jackets

    Love: Long drives through the countryside
    Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout
    Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat

    Cheerfully stolen from BIGDADGIB

    Posted by GM Roper at 11:05 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    April 03, 2006

    The Value of a REAL Education

    According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was
    recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were
    beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was
    fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to
    the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

    Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day,
    the girls would put them back.

    Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called
    all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance
    man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem
    for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

    To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked
    the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

    He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned
    the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.


    There are teachers, and then there are Educators.

    Comments may be made here

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:10 AM | TrackBack (0)

    March 22, 2006

    More PC From The Anglican Church

    The Daily Ablution has a remarkable post up on a Welsh Clergyman who is in trouble with the Anglican Church for publishing.......... Wait For Itt............. A CARICATURE OF MOHAMMAD.......New Riots Coming? Scott Burgess does a marvelous job of describing how to deal with the dreaded MOE or, Muslim Offence Emergency. A sample:

    The recommended CCC response to an MOE or a potential MOE rests upon three pillars:

    Containment - Inappropriate material, information and opinions must be prevented from infecting public discourse.

    Culpability - Those who allow such material to be disseminated must be named and punished. Whether such dissemination springs from a deliberate attempt to offend is immaterial.

    Contrition - Muslim leaders should be sought out and apologised to, preferably on more than one occasion.

    Here is the "offensive" cartoon:

    Stop complaining, Mohammad ... we've all been caricatured, here.

    Hmmmm, now that I have published the cartoon, should I worry about Anglican Church Leaders taking my blog away? Nah, they aren't stupid enough to try that.

    Posted by GM Roper at 04:07 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    March 21, 2006

    Political Incorrectness Supported Here

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:19 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    March 20, 2006

    Cities Warm, Glaciers Melt, and Bush Does Nothing

    There's disturbing news about our warming weather that will impact everyone in our country. We cannot say for sure that President Bush is responsible, but many in the scientific community believe that our nation's leader is doing nothing about this situation which will cause our cities to become hotter and glaciers to melt faster. Many of you may want to know what is happening and why Bush sits on his hands.

    As you may know, very small changes to the Earth can result in major changes to our weather. Discover Magazine reported the latest impact with this information for the month of March: "Daylight increases at its fastest pace of the year: it grows longer by three minutes per day in New York City and Denver, seven minutes daily in Fairbanks, Alaska." Can you imagine what this added effect of the sun will do to our weather and our ice cap? Go to the information linked at "Continue Reading" to understand this better. And, oh yes, for our readers--everyone, don't worry...and enjoy the Spring.

    Continue reading "Cities Warm, Glaciers Melt, and Bush Does Nothing"
    Posted by Woody at 10:40 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

    Yada, Yada, Yada!


    Posted by GM Roper at 03:24 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    March 14, 2006

    Pi Day Celebrates 300 Years!

    As mathematicians are celebrating today, March 14th, as "pi day" (3.14--get it?), let's remind everyone about the problems with this complex number from a previous post:

    HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — NASA engineers and mathematicians in this high-tech city are stunned and infuriated after the Alabama state legistature narrowly passed a law yesterday redefining pi, a mathematical constant used in the aerospace industry. The bill to change the value of pi to exactly three was introduced without fanfare by Leonard Lee Lawson (R, Crossville).... "We just want to return pi to its traditional value," he said, "which, according to the Bible, is three."

    Almost prophetic, it was 300 years ago this year, in 1706, that the Greek letter pi was first introduced to represent this number used primarily to compute the area of pizzas. Furthermore, 300 years divisible by the traditional pi value of 3 equals 100, which is a perfect score. Does this now make sense?

    Anyway, go here to send your dearest friends a Happy Pi Day card. Enjoy the parades and festivities.

    Posted by Woody at 07:40 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    March 08, 2006

    The Very First Blond "GUY" joke

    The very first ever Blond GUY joke..... And well worth the wait?

    An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blond Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

    They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

    The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

    The blond opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

    The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

    The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

    The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

    At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

    The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

    (Oh this is GOOD!!)
    (Wait for it!!!)

    Continue reading "The Very First Blond "GUY" joke"
    Posted by GM Roper at 02:36 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    March 05, 2006

    Earth in the Balance - And Liberals in the Dark

    Global warming protestors should be upset about a recently publicized phenomena--U.S. cities being plunged into darkness by daily changes in our planet. Has mankind affected the Earth so much that this is the result, or are we to accept wing-nut claims that this is just part of nature? Just read excerpts from this article explaining the problem, likely causes, and reactions.

    the Onion: Rotation Of Earth Plunges Entire North American Continent Into Darkness

    NEW YORK—Millions of eyewitnesses watched in stunned horror Tuesday as light emptied from the sky, plunging the U.S. and neighboring countries into darkness. As the hours progressed, conditions only worsened.

    As the phenomenon hit New York, millions of motorists were forced to use their headlights to navigate through the blackness. Highways flooded with commuters who had left work to hurry home to their families. Traffic was bottlenecked for more than two hours in many major metropolitan areas.

    "Vast gravitational forces have rotated the planet Earth on an axis drawn through its north and south poles," said Dr. Elena Bilkins of the National Weather Service. "The Earth is in actuality spinning uncontrollably through space."

    "I looked out the window and saw it getting dark when I was still at the office working," said Albert Serpa, 27, a lawyer from Tulsa, OK, who had taken shelter with others at Red's Bar and Grill. "That's when I knew I had to leave right away."

    Ronald Jarrett, a professor of economics at George Washington University who left his office after darkness blanketed the D.C. metro area, summed up the fears of an entire nation, saying, "Look, it's dark outside. I want to go home," and ended the phone interview abruptly.

    Earth at Night.jpg

    Is this the future of the planet--nightly darkness?

    Why should you be concerned? Because the threat to life, the anecdotal evidence, and the prevailing claims of Bush's culpability on this are just as valid as similar proof and claims on global warming. If you can accept one, then you can believe the other. Save the Earth! Show your degree of logic and intelligence by writing letters to the editor to oppose the darkening of our hemisphere every single day. Don't accept crazy claims that the setting sun is a natural occurence, do demand billions for research...and, be sure to blame Bush! The Democrats need issues.

    Posted by Woody at 10:50 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    February 17, 2006

    Is Whittington Dead?

    Espella Humanzee has uncovered a dastardly plot to hide the truth of the death of Mr. Whittington:

    The "mainstream" left is spreading a rumor the Harry Whittington did indeed die at the merciless hands of Vice President Dick "Deadeye" Cheney and a perfect body double has taken his place. My conservative world was turned upside down when I discovered the awful truth.
    I'm heart broken, but I'm glad that my friend and fellow conservative has broken the story.

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:56 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    February 16, 2006

    Surgical Jokes

    Having just gone through life saving surgery, a very dear friend sent me the following joke using politics and surgeons as the foil. So, this is an open post and please post any surgeon's jokes you wish, it doesn't matter who the butt of the joke is about, liberal/conservative, democrat/republican, all that matters is that it be funny, and that you keep it clean (well, as clean as humanly possible... OK?)

    Here is my entry (sent to me by a friend) to get the ball rolling:

    Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

    One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

    The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics."

    The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York.

    If you have a joke about surgeons, surgery, the patient what ever, please post it in the comments section. Keep it clean, but the idea is to have a repository of humor for those facing surgery. Laughter
    is still the best medicine.

    Surgery jokes.bmp

    Graphic courtesy of Crystal of Crystal Clear

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:05 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    Surgical Jokes

    Having just gone through life saving surgery, a very dear friend sent me the following joke using politics and surgeons as the foil. So, this is an open post and please post any surgeon's jokes you wish, it doesn't matter who the butt of the joke is about, liberal/conservative, democrat/republican, all that matters is that it be funny, and that you keep it clean (well, as clean as humanly possible... OK?)

    Here is my entry (sent to me by a friend) to get the ball rolling:

    Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

    One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

    The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics."

    The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York.

    If you have a joke about surgeons, surgery, the patient what ever, please post it in the comments section. Keep it clean, but the idea is to have a repository of humor for those facing surgery. Laughter
    is still the best medicine.

    Surgery jokes.bmp

    Graphic courtesy of Crystal of Crystal Clear

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:05 PM | Comments (15) | TrackBack (1)

    February 11, 2006

    G.M. and Woody's Brilliant Conversation

    Yesterday, G.M. called me and we had a brilliant conversation. He is still under the influence of pain medicine and I was out of it from being at the office until 4:30 in the morning, having less than three hours of sleep, and yet driving at the time. To the best of my memory, the conversation went something like this:

    G.M. : Hey, Woody. I'm out of intensive care. (Then some kind of mumbling.)
    Woody : Great, G.M.! How are you feeling? Hey, idiot, get back in your own lane!
    G.M. : My family and some friends just left. Thanks for helping me out. You have mmmphhh arranff good job.
    Woody : Thanks, everyone has been helping, but we're really missing you. What is he doing? I have the right-of-way. Yeah, we can't really fill in and do the type of posts that you're good at.
    G.M. : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Oh, oh. Yeah. (Then, something or other.)
    Woody : I'll try to do a post when I get home tonight. Wait a minute. My wife's calling. (Some time later.) Hey, sorry. Yeah, I mumble, mumble.
    G.M. : Unintelligible
    Woody : Huh? Hey, I better let you get some rest. I know you're tired from the visitors and recovery.
    G.M. : Yeah, well hrumploan eorjoin tulu.
    Woody : Yeah, I got all of that. Have a good rest and I'll try to do a post when I get home.

    I hope this has been an informative update. Oh,when I got home, I fell asleep, which is better than driving that way. Anyway, G.M. is recovering nicely and we'll try to get up some more news for you soon. Thanks for your interest and stand by for more.

    Posted by Woody at 05:00 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    February 09, 2006

    Muhammad Cartoons: Flush Out Offenders and Wipe Away Problem

    - G.M. is still recovering nicely and communicated that it would be nice if we did a post on the controversy over the cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad. Naturally, in his interest, I warned him that some Muslim may not like it and could stand on his oxygen tube. Nevertheless, as a good soldier, I follow orders. It's his hide, and he's not around to deny this, anyway...so, here goes. Well, why is there controversy? Why are people apologizing over these cartoons or else running for the hills if they don't?

    Do you remember when The National Endowment for the Arts funded and defended art work offensive to decent people and Christians? They felt that they could take money from taxpayers and use that money to insult those taxpayers by claiming freedom of speech and expression. (Hey, guys, do your freedom of speech thing with your own money.) Nevertheless, we were forced to pay for "Piss Christ," a crucifix submerged in a plastic container filled with the artist's own urine. Did you have any problem with that? Did you see tens of thousands of people protesting in the streets and threatening death to the artist? No, and I also sure didn't see any liberals rushing to apologize for the offending art work. But, this is different...or, maybe, they're scared to death of retaliation.

    But, I have to agree that the Muhammad depictions have gotten out of hand. In fact, the White House has denounced changes to some government bathroom facilities, as they relate to this issue. I am presenting this only as a public service to show examples of offensive material and what types of things we should avoid and not pass along. I know that you will respect the spirit of this and take it with the sincerity offered. I suspect that G.M. would agree, but I'm probably lucky that he hasn't gotten out of the hospital yet.

    Click on the "Continued" link to view the latest controversial art.

    Continue reading "Muhammad Cartoons: Flush Out Offenders and Wipe Away Problem"
    Posted by Woody at 09:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    Cindy Sheehan, Proud Member of the Left - Runs Mouth, Not Race

    Well, California Sen. Diane Feinsten and President Bush can relax and take a deep breath. Cindy Sheehan just announced that she has decided against running for the U.S. Senate. What a shocker. And, she had so much support! (Remember the lines at her book signings?) Now, Sheehan can devote full time to putting her face on the left and the Democratic Party who have cheered her in her protests against our nation, our president, and our military-and just in time for the Fall elections. The CNN report gave us more about her announcement and the effect on the crowd:

    Behind her, supporters held a sign that said, "Peace is the most noble cause." A young girl clutched a sign that read, "Peace and love are the ONLY noble cause."

    Well, good. Now that we find that national healthcare, stopping global warming, and abortion are not included in noble causes, can we take those hyped-up issues away from the Democrats? Hey, aren't "peace and love" two causes--not one? Maybe teaching the left to count would be a noble cause.

    Posted by Woody at 07:20 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    February 07, 2006

    Air Force One - Up Close and Personal

    Today I saw Air Force One parked at the airport, which I thought was pretty cool, so I took a picture of it to show the kids.

    Air Force One.jpg This is not my picture. When I tried to proudly display the proof of my seeing the plane from fairly close, the digital image had totally disappeared! I couldn't have made a careless error like failing to save it correctly. So, I checked some left-wing, conspiratorial sites, and they confirm that there are, in fact, secret emissions and signals coming from Air Force One to not only erase unauthorized pictures, but tap into the brains, yes brains, of average citizens. Lucky for the left that they don't have anything to be tapped. Tomorrow, I think I'll get my camera checked.

    Posted by Woody at 08:30 PM | Comments (1)

    February 05, 2006

    Republicans Think - Democrats Feel : I'll take the Republican brain.

    I have been involved in discussions about brains of conservatives vs. liberals. No, it's not whether one uses the left hemisphere and the other uses the right. My discussions involve whether liberals have any brains at all. Well, at The People's Cube, I found these medically correct diagrams of Republican brains and brains(?) of liberal Democrats. This helps to explain our differences.



    The creator deserves much credit for these images, especially for the one of the liberal brain, because, as he stated, "Naturally it took twice as much time to map it because the brain of a progressive, open-minded Democrat is always changing - as opposed to the rigid and bigoted Republican brain." Well, I don't know about the brains of liberals being "open minded." I just write that off to emotions and drugs. I also don't know about Republicans being bigoted, but there is some truth as to being them being rigid, because once you've reached a correct and logical conclusion, there's no reason to keep changing it.

    Posted by Woody at 07:50 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    January 30, 2006

    Psychic Preview of President Bush's State of the Union Address

    President Bush is set to deliver the State of the Union address to Congress and to the American people. C-Span provides a historical review of these Presidential messages, with transcripts back to Truman and a video all the way back to Nixon. However, we will go one step further and provide President Bush's State of the Union address by looking into the future. Please watch the preview by clicking on the picture caption.

    Bush State of Union.jpg

    Psychic Preview of President Bush's 2006 State of the Union Address

    In another incredible display of psychic powers, I am predicting that the Democrats will criticize everything that President Bush says.

    Posted by Woody at 10:00 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (1)

    January 23, 2006

    Intellectual Skills of Conservatives

    I enjoy brain teasers and other mental challenges. (Debating a liberal is not a mental challenge.) This weekend, I discovered and attempted a fun "Mensa" test. By coincidence, a Woody at a different site found a similar test from Mensa and posted it on his site. So, realizing that the stars must be aligned, I thought it appropriate to provide these brain exercises to our readers, who are bright and logical.

    If you are a liberal, don't try them. It doesn't count if you call the test creators insulting names, cry that the tests are biased, say that any answer should be right in the name of diversity, and blame Bush for any question that you miss. And, oh yes, Mensa has nothing to do with a woman's cycle, so this test is probably anti-feminist.

    BTW, the other Woody got 30 out of 30 on his test, and I got 29 out of 33 (so far) on my test. On the test that I took, I didn't get questions 14, 17, 30, and 31: which gripes me because I know that the answers will appear so obvious once I see them. Good luck if you attempt these quizzes. I have high expectations for our group.

    While not a test but along the line of intelligence, another blogger named, yes, Woody recently exhibited his mental skills with an impressive translation of Osama Bin Laden's recent message from Arabic to English; thus, revealing much that the dominant media didn't tell us. Good job, Woody (not me...him.)

    Let us know how you did on the tests or if you have any other challenges to recommend.

    P.S. For extra points, has anyone heard from Cindy Sheehan lately? Is she still at her book signing?

    Posted by Woody at 07:50 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

    January 14, 2006

    A Church For Libs!

    My good friend and fellow conservative blogger Jeffery Blanco (The Louisiana Conservative) has founded a new "church" (small c, always in quotes) for the more "liberal" among us. You may get offended but know it's all poking fun at the more liberal element and their Oh-So-Rightous demeanor, more likely, you will laugh your fanny off. Go read, enjoy!

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:05 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    January 09, 2006

    Ted Kennedy Creates a Splash - for the Children, Of Course

    Surely this is a put-on...but, according to a real article in the USA Today book section, Ted Kennedy is writing a book for young people in which he is the main character along with...are you ready? Are you really ready? His co-protagonist is a Portuguese Water Dog named Splash! Yes, Kennedy's side-kick is a water dog. And, his name is Splash! Well, it had to be that or a St. Bernard with a cask. Someone wake me and tell me this is a spoof.

    Sen. Ted Kennedy to publish children's book (c) AP

    NEW YORK (AP) — Meet the latest children's author, Sen. Ted Kennedy, and his Portuguese Water Dog, Splash, his co-protagonist in My Senator and Me: A Dogs-Eye View of Washington, D.C. Ted Kennedy's 56-page children's book will be released by Scholastic Inc. in May.

    "I am very excited about the opportunity to create a book for young readers and their families that will deepen their understanding of how our American government works," Kennedy said in a statement Monday issued by Scholastic.

    According to Scholastic, Kennedy's book "not only takes readers through a full day in the Senator's life, but also explains how a bill becomes a law." Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat, was inspired to write the book from his work with a Washington-based reading program, "Everybody Wins!"


    Well, "Everyone Wins" unless you're the passenger in Kennedy's car...and were unlucky enough that Splash the wonder water dog wasn't there to save you. I'm anxiously awaiting the chapter where Kennedy teaches Splash how to rescue drowning people.

    What other adventures could Kennedy and Splash have to teach children about Washington? "Splash filibusters a Presidential appointment?" "Splash opposes military funding?" But, my favorite will be "Splash bites the Senator in the crotch."

    Posted by Woody at 07:20 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

    January 06, 2006

    ÆSOP Revisited

    Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived a blind little bunny and a blind little snake. One day, the bunny was hopping through theforest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

    "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact,Idon't even know what I am."

    "It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

    "Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you'recovered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."

    "Oh thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."

    So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly and very smooth, you have a forked tongue, and no backbone. I'd say you must be either a lawyer, a journalist or a Democrat."

    With apologies and a tip of the GM Chapeaux to Patty at This, That and Frog Hair

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:11 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    December 26, 2005

    Four on the Floor: As low as this can go.

    -- G.M. challenged me to answer The Meme of Four, so here is my best attempt:

    Four jobs you’ve had in your life: Taking our garbage cans to the street, picking up bread and milk on the way home, representing my wife in traffic court (and winning), and defending Ronald Reagan against liberals.

    Four movies you could watch over and over: Just intellectual movies with messages like Pee Wee's Big Adventure, National Lampoon's Vacation, Smokey and the Bandit, and especially these Jane Fonda films.

    Four places you’ve lived: As "lived" can have more than one meaning...a golf course along the ocean, going parking as a teenager, 1971 road trip to New Orleans, and as an electrician in Colonial America in my former life.

    Four TV shows you love to watch: Star Gazer, Winky Dink with samples here, Girls Gone Wild infomercials, and the Charlie's Angels show where Farrah Fawcett wore that cute swim suit.

    Four places you’ve been on vacation: I take vacations one hour at a time at work.

    Four websites you visit daily: Microsoft Help Page, GM's Corner, HTTP 404 - File not found, and this science fiction site.

    Four of your favorite foods: Any meal picked up by a client, ketchup, pralines, and Dippin' Dots.

    Four places you’d rather be: The future, the White House, further from Neverland Ranch, and age eighteen again with what I know now.

    Four albums you can’t live without: Only the ones that I use for drink coasters. Not this one, probably not this one, not this one, certainly not this one, and REALLY not this one .

    I hope this cleared up any questions and gave you more insight into how I think. Satisfied, G.M.?

    Posted by Woody at 01:00 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    December 09, 2005


    RE: Christmas PARTY ON DEC. 23RD
    DATE: DEC. 1ST

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family.


    Posted by GM Roper at 07:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    December 05, 2005

    Citations Concernant Le Français ~ Quotes Regarding The French

    And now a word regarding our French Allies

    "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." --Mark Twain.

    "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --General George S. Patton.

    "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf.

    "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." --Marge Simpson

    "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." --Jacques Chirac, President of France

    "As far as France is concerned, you're right." --Rush Limbaugh,

    "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --Regis Philbin.

    "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know." --P.J O'Rourke (1989).

    "You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." --John McCain, U.S. Senator

    "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien

    "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either" --Jay Leno.

    "The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman

    "Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada." --Ted Nugent.

    "War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II."

    "The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'" --Tom Brokaw.

    "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --Dennis Miller.

    "It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." --Alan Kent

    "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." --Argus Hamilton

    "Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once'." --Rep. Roy Blount (MO)

    "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." --Dennis Miller

    Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
    A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

    "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." --Rep. Roy Blount (MO)

    "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." --John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

    The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

    French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney - (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003

    The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:29 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (1)

    December 01, 2005

    Space Aliens Inhabit Bodies of Democrats: No Sign of Intelligent Life

    Yes, it seems to be true. Space aliens have taken over the bodies of prominent Democrats. They are working to take over our country by destroying our military and will to fight. If you believe them, we have no hope and you must make them masters of your life. They will subject vast segments of society by gradually making them dependent for basic needs and security--for the price of their freedoms. They will force them to give up their weapons. Those who resist and strive to remain self-sufficient will be drained financially with exorbitant taxes--even those who are dead will be taxed again, but they will still count their votes. The plot is sinister, but their plans constantly fail. There is a reason.

    These aliens were thought to represent intelligent life from another world, but so far there have been no signs of intelligence coming forth from these Democratic look-alikes. They have no concept of history and have failed to learn anything from previous elections. They continually criticize those in current power but offer no original ideas for alternatives--thus, unhappy voters see no reason to change to them. The alien "solutions" have been seen before and the consequences have recked havoc on the populace. In fact, Jimmy Carter, an alien, tried to destroy our nation before being shot-down by a Ronald Ray-gun.

    The aliens claim that quitting a war brings peace, but they give hope to the enemy and end up with more deaths in the battlefield and with the citizens. They claim that higher taxes and more money spent on the poor will make everyone equal and end poverty--yet, trillions of dollars later there is just as much poverty as before. They want to cripple the economic engine that drives our free enterprise system to "save the earth," but their proof of global disaster is manipulated and their allies are competing and envious nations. They say that they want free speech but they limit debates with political correctness and bans on "hate speech" that they define. They spread propaganda through school programs put in place eighty years ago and that are beginning to bear fruit with school officials who discourage individual thought and classes that won't teach our nation's founding. After school, adult indoctrination continues through some sinister device that goes under the code name MSM.

    Alien Dean.jpg
    Alien Leader Planning to Go to New
    Hampshire and South Carolina and
    Arizona and North Dakota....

    Yet, it's possible that they came from Bizarro World where everything is backwards. They say we should quit when they mean that we should fight and win. They say that the President lies when they mean that he is honest. They say that they care "for the children" when they care for themselves. It's possible--but unlikely. Well, maybe that last example is true.

    Be aware of these aliens and don't give them power to control you or our nation. Analyze what they say and watch what they do. Question their motives and watch for tell-tale signs such as anger or evading your points, as this is common to the alien Democrats. The consequences of following them lead to ruin. But, we can avoid the bad fates that their kind have created in other lands--like France.

    I hope that we can end their attempt to capture our minds and bodies before they can perform the well-documented and unpleasant anal probes of their victims. However, I already feel like they have stuck it to me in the end. Spread the word--and keep your pants on.

    NOTE FROM GM: I have taken an extraordinary step in the comments section of this entry and removed a number of comments wherein a troll or several trolls have asked Woody to defend his allegations. People, this was a humor section and it is MY BLOG and I have invited Woody to be a part of that effort. Woody has surpassed expectations as a blogger. He is intelligent, kind and up front. I will no longer tolerate those trolls whose only purpose is to drive traffic to their blog or to tie up this blog in interminable argument for the sake of argument. The posts are not gone, I'm just storing them in a different place. If the socalled authors of those comments wish, they can e-mail me an apology, Woody an apology and post a comment apologizing to the other commenters and readers. Then, and only then will I return their comments to the comment section.

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:00 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    November 23, 2005

    "John Kerry Reporting for Duty" - Wins Election!

    Well, it's not as exciting as the title makes it seem. John Kerry served on a jury this week and was elected foreman.

    John Kerry Elected!

    Kerry was not only chosen this week to sit on a jury in Suffolk Superior Court, but also was elected foreman. The former Democratic presidential candidate reported for duty Monday and none of the lawyers in the case objected to putting him on the jury.

    Can't you see Kerry saluting as he entered the courtroom reporting for (jury) duty. That jury room must have been mass confusion as Kerry kept switching sides and had everyone confused as to where he stood. The verdict was likely "We voted in favor of the plaintiff before we voted against him." Then, that could have been followed with denouncements that the Republicans kept some jurors from voting.

    John Kerry Flip Flop.jpg
    Kerry Pondering Verdict

    In the article, the AP reporter included a gratuitous remark that a fellow juror from Boston regretted voting for Bush after being charmed by Kerry, who discussed his battles and said that his wife didn't understand him. There was no word if Kerry had signed Form 180 and provided his medical records to this lady, who is a nurse and could finally let us know what is in those files.

    Kerry concluded his experience by saying, "I enjoyed it. It was very, very interesting and very instructive." What??!! Very instructive? This is a guy who wanted to appoint Supreme Court judges, and he's just learning about the jury system?

    Anyway, let's not take anything away from him being selected jury foreman. It must have been tough winning a majority of votes from twelve Massachusetts jurors. It's a start for 2008.

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:30 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    November 23rd - Be Nice to a Conservative Day!

    November 23rd is my birthday. It would seem appropriate, therefore and in lieu of gifts, that on this day that everyone finds a conservative to treat with kindness. We can simply call it "Be Nice to a Conservative Day." We know that conservatives endure attacks all year from people on the left who simply don't have the proper upbringing or manners to extend common courtesies, but if we highlight one day a year for them to make that special effort, then maybe they might find it within themselves to be nice to at least one conservative that day. It would do my heart good and would be worth more than cards and gifts. Please share with us your experiences of giving or receiving an act of kindness for this occasion.

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:00 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    November 21, 2005

    Sports Rivalry in Alabama

    Traditionally, our family gets together for important events--like weddings, funerals, and the Alabama - Auburn games--the last being the most important. Within the family, loyalties are split between those two colleges, whose rivalry is the greatest and most bitter in the country. To illustrate the divide in the state, check the class picture below from an elementary school in Tuscaloosa, the home of The University of Alabama, and note the kid wearing the Auburn University shirt.

    Auburn - Alabama Rivalry

    While this is worse than Democrats and Republicans getting together, at least the barbeque and tail-gating is better.

    Posted by GM Roper at 03:10 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (1)

    November 17, 2005

    Another Etiquette Tip for the Left

    As we continue our series to raise the social and decency standards for our friends on the left, here is a quick lesson:

    Pick Your Nose Inconspicuously

    This article provides detailed steps on the subject, along with these points of advice:

    • NEVER perform a visual examination on whatever it is you have extracted from your nose! This is most amateurish and is one of the most common ways of getting caught.

    • Post-operative protocol requires immediate and thorough hand-washing.

    ...and, this:

    Remember, you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose!

    Might I add this illustrated advice:

    Please, please avoid in-between meal snacks!

    Dig In.jpgAnd Eat.jpg

    Bush lied.., ummm, ummm. Hey, this tastes good!

    So, if I ever hesitate to shake hands with a liberal, it's not because I'm rude but it's because I know where his fingers have been. Cultured people don't have to pick their noses.

    Posted by GM Roper at 11:10 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (1)

    November 15, 2005

    Etiquette - Helping the Left Out of the Gutter

    In recent days, unpleasant comments were cast our way, causing one to realize that some visitors from the left were ignorant of social graces and rules of etiquette. It is not unexpected nor are they to blame. Country clubs and cotillions, where these social traits are honed, were missing in their neighborhoods, and there were inadequate government programs to teach manners. To help those on the left, I will offer selections from a lesson in dinner etiquette, as taken from The Business Forum. Proper etiquette does not go unnoticed , it is often rewarded with positions that are the envy of the 'hood, and it provides lessons for discussions on this site. A link is provided for the entire study, and I encourage you to read it.

    The Etiquette of Formal & Business Dining

    • If there is a coat check attendant or a footman, then the proper procedure is for the gentleman to first hand his hat, (which should have been removed before he entered the foyer), along with his gloves and cane or umbrella (rolled and buttoned), if he is carrying them, to the attendant.

    • Only call a waiter or server to help you during a formal function if you absolutely have to and, an escorted lady should never do so; she should instead ask her escort to do it for her.

    • At the best functions and in the finest restaurants your wine will be served in the proper glass. The most embarrassing incident can take place if you or even your escort, not knowing this, asks if he or she can have a "bigger" or a "smaller" glass.

    • One should never use one's fingers at any formal dining experience, (except for moving pieces of bread to your mouth) unless a delicacy is served which it is impossible to eat unless one uses one's fingers. ...these days it is more often than not frowned upon as boorish behavior.

    • It is always inappropriate to ask the waiter for a "doggy bag" to take home the leftovers when you are a guest at either a formal function or at a good restaurant. If the waiter suggests you can take home the leftovers, decline with a polite but firm, "Thank you, but no".

    • If food gets between your teeth while you are eating, and you are not able to remove it with your tongue, ask the waiter to bring you a toothpick (if you did not remember to bring one with you) then lower your face until you are looking into your lap and cover your mouth with your free hand to use the toothpick.

    • And finally, and most importantly:
    Always remember that a formal function is no place for preaching or verbally bullying others, and that profanity of any kind, or argument, or loud or lewd behavior in any form is also frowned upon in polite company. Dignity will never go out of style.

    Of course, all of our regular readers are probably laughing and wondering who doesn't already know these things. Don't be surprised at the number of common people, i.e., those on the left, who have not been trained in social areas. Therefore, I hope this information helps them for the next business dinner--and, to learn the proper style for discussions.

    We will continue the lessons in another series titled "Deferring to the Intellect and Reasoning of Conservatives."

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    November 02, 2005

    Help Democrats Understand Iraqi War

    The Democrats want answers as to why the U.S. is at war in Iraq. Maybe this picture will help them find a reason.

    Thanks to the clever and nice guys at Sacred Cow Burgers(c) !

    Any questions? Pass this on to any of your skeptic friends.

    Linked at Cao's Blog

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:10 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (1)

    November 01, 2005

    Hate Bush? - Take This Test and Leave the Country.

    When George W. Bush was elected President, we had the usual Hollywood villains huffing that they were leaving the country. Much to our disappointment, they didn't. Then, when Bush was running for re-election, those threats (or promises to me) were made again--and not kept. It's possible that the complainers didn't leave because they had no knowledge of how to become citizens of another country. So, I offer this British citizenship test for everyone who wants to escape Bush. If Madonna can learn to speak with a British accent, then certainly the Hollywood elite can read a book to pass this test and keep their promises to get out of Dodge.

    BBC News - Can you pass a citizenship test?

    The government is launching the citizenship test for foreigners who want to become British. If you want the passport, then you'll have to read Life in the UK, a special book, and sit a 45-minute test on society, history and culture. But do you know what it is to be British? The following very unofficial questions are based on information in the official book - let's see how well you do.

    First, here is a question that I missed when I took the test. (This is really covered.)

    Life in the UK explains what to do if you spill someone's pint in the pub. What, according to the book, usually happens next?

    A: You would offer to buy the person another pint
    B: You would offer to dry their wet shirt with your own
    C: You may need to prepare for a fight in the car park

    If you think that you can handle these questions on the U.K., you can find the Sample Test Here.

    When I took the U.S. citizenship tests in an earlier post, I was able to get 100%, but I only got 8 out of 14 for the British test, so I guess that I'm sticking around the U.S. I wouldn't have it any other way--especially if many of the left leave.

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:40 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

    October 28, 2005

    The Worlds Shortest Fairy Tale!

    Once upon a time, in a land far away a Prince asked A Princess the age old question: "Will you marry me?"

    The Princess said, "NO WAY!"

    And the Prince lived happily ever after. He went fishing, hunting, played golf, watched TV a lot and drank beer and belched loudly whenever he wanted.


    Posted by GM Roper at 07:23 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

    October 26, 2005

    The Evil Condi Controversy: A RATHER GATE TYPE EXPOSE'

    Michele Malkin, God Bless Her Soul, noticed a photograph (on the left here) of Condoleezza Rice that was published in USA today. The photo really looks evil with those eyes glaring out from under that classic forehead. Malkin, always alert, thought there was something fishy and went in search of perhaps a different photo and came up with this one:

    realcondi unretouched.jpgAnd I'd say that this is a big difference (and no, I'm not referring to the size of the photo.)

    As she blogged about the obvious "editing" of the photograph, the blogosphere picked up on the story and lo and behold USA withdrew the "doctored" photo and said:

    Editor's note: The photo of Condoleezza Rice that originally accompanied this story was altered in a manner that did not meet USA TODAY's editorial standards. The photo has been replaced by a properly adjusted copy. Photos published online are routinely cropped for size and adjusted for brightness and sharpness to optimize their appearance. In this case, after sharpening the photo for clarity, the editor brightened a portion of Rice's face, giving her eyes an unnatural appearance. This resulted in a distortion of the original not in keeping with our editorial standards."
    Brightness huh? Sharpness huh? Well, being the type of fellow I am, and enjoying working with Photoshop Elements 2.0 as I do (and I'm testing 4.0 for the fun of it who knows, I may even buy it) I decided to see if my meager skills with photoshop could "sharpen and brighten" Ms. Rice and get the same evil-eyed effect. Here is the second photo "brightened" with a technique called fillflash, what USA said they did.

    realcondi.jpgIt does have them 'ole evil eyes don't it... NOT!!!! This photo was retouched using fill flash of about +10 on the scale of the fillflash technique. Much better than the original above, but still no evil eyes. So, now we have to try and "sharpen" the same photo with fillflash to produce them 'ole evil eyes.

    condi sharp and fillflash.jpgWell, with the edges sharpened and a little fill flash, she looks a mite angrier, but she for sure doesn't look like the photo at the top.

    pixelated.png This is my last submission, it looks MUCH more like the initial photo. It was done by changing the pixels in the photos at the eyes. I'm not really good at the skill needed for half tones, but given time, I'm pretty sure I could have almost exactly reproduced the very top photo, or one damn near like it.

    I have no expectations that this will prove a "smoking gun" like they did with the non-memos of RatherGate but I think it does prove that the MSM is full of crap and they think they can get away with all kinds of things (and, before blogs, they could to be honest.) But, not this time folks, not this time.

    Tip of the GM Chapeaux to Sissy Willis

    UPDATE: Discussed this photo with a friend this morning (10/27/05) and he commented, "Hey George, and you are an amateur at photoshop." Yeah, I am, and if I could do this, a pro ought to be able to do much better. But the USAToday pro got caught because of us pajama-clad amateurs.

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:24 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (2)

    October 25, 2005

    Egypt Slaughters 10's Of Thousands French Ducklings.

    CAIRO, Oct 23 (AFP) - Egypt's civil aviation authority slaughtered thousands of French ducklings on Sunday after it was ordered earlier this week to comply with a ban on imports of live birds and poultry products to keep out bird flu, an airport official said.

    I just have one question. Were the FRENCH ducklings offered a chance to surrender first?

    Linked at TMHBaconBits and at Cao's Blog

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    October 24, 2005

    Subject: democrat....republican or southern republican

    Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans?

    The answer can be found by posing the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

    Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

    You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot.

    You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

    What do you do?
    Democrat's Answer:
    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

    Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

    Could we run away?

    What does my wife think?

    What about the kids?

    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

    What does the law say about this situation?

    Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

    Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

    Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

    Should I call 9-1-1?

    Why is this street so deserted?

    Why isn't he happy playing nighttime basketball?

    We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

    This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

    Can I call Howard Dean or John Kerry and see what they think I should do?
    Republican's Answer:
    Southern Republican's Answer:
    BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).

    BANG! click

    Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

    And a Tip Of The GM Chapeaux to Raven of And Rightly So

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:46 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    October 18, 2005

    Congress Completes Design

    Yesterday the Agriculture, Environmental and Interior Committee's of both the House of Representatives and the Senate completed work on a completely new design for animal husbandry. Congress, not known for it's bi-partisan works of late, has labored over this design for decades.

    Started under the Johnson Administration as part of the War on Poverty, Congress was set the task of finding a food source that could easily be used in either the food stamps program via commercial grocery stores or distributed under its commodities programs.

    Though both Democrats and Republicans initially took on the task with glee and a determination to get it right, soon partisan bickering made it obvious that various committee members had their own ideas regarding what was necessary. Finally however Congress has seemingly gotten their collective act together and completed work on a task set before them on January 27, 1964. And though it has taken almost 42 years to complete, the results are stunning to say the least.

    Continue reading "Congress Completes Design"
    Posted by GM Roper at 12:04 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    October 15, 2005

    Global Warming Update!

    Causes of so called global warming have run rampant. Some claim that it is because of human intervention. This is easy to disprove in-as-much as we can prove that the Polar Ice Cap from the last Ice Age has been shrinking long before mankind (womankind? personskind? peoplekind? -- come on you PC'ers, what term should we use?) came on the scene in numbers enough to affect the ice. Proof of that is here and here and here as supplied by our intrepid Woody (He made me use that word, I would have just called him our diligently scientific Woody...gmr).

    Yet, despite Woody's attempts to get to the bottom of the urban legend of global warming, the philistines persist. The ballyhoo continues. So, it is a fact that temperatures have been rising since around the early 1800's, and it is also a fact that the occupation of Piracy has significantly declined since that time. Perhaps there is a connection. After all, with all the interests in "piracy" these days, from movies to blogs to language (and even more language) the connection between a decrease in the number of pirate's and the increase in temperature can no longer be ignored by the scientific community.

    In the early 1800's (1820 to be scientifically accurate according to our accumulated evidence) the number of active pirates was around 35,000. By the end of the twenty century that number had decreased substantially to around 17, give or take a couple of hundred. Coupled with that knowledge, it is obvious that mean global temperatures had also changed from around 14.25 degrees Centigrade to around 15.9 degrees Centigrade. The following graph supplied (albeit unknowingly) by the fine blog Mish Mash by Ryan Shea Cannot be denied.


    As Ryan says, "Draw Your Own Conclusions." Furthermore, as William Teach says, "Arrrrgggghhhh," ignore the evidence at your own peril.

    A tip of the GM Chapeaux to Hatless in Hattiesburg

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:52 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (1)

    October 08, 2005

    Tin Foil Hats Are Obsolete

    Given the frequency of Democratic conspiracy theories regarding the Evil Karl Rove, the Dastardly President George Bush and the All Powerful Global Conglerate Halliburton, the suggestion that they all get out their tin foil hats has been made time and time again in the blogosphere. Perhaps the origin of the tinfoil protectors was here, perhaps from the "Thought Screens" of E.E."Doc" Smith's Lensman Series.

    Regardless of the origins, here is the real poop, the lowdown, the real McCoy, the cat's meow, the ........ Well, go and find out for yourself. Read all the links and after you stop laughing, send a generous contribution to your favorite mental health charity.

    A tip of the GM Chapeaux to Just Barking Mad!

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:57 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (2)

    October 06, 2005

    G.M. Will Return Tomorrow -- None Too Soon

    There is good news on the horizon. G.M. will return from his conference on Friday and will resume his postings--putting a stop to this nonsense and saving the reputation of this site. Thanks for putting up with me this week and don't blame G.M. for anything that you read.

    Posted by GM Roper at 01:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    October 03, 2005

    If Humor = Intelligence and Left = Laughs, then why is the left so dumb?

    A Russian physicist discovered a formula for laughter and concluded that "a sense of humor is a strong male quality, a sign of good intellect."

    "A sense of humor is a strong male quality. It is a sign of good intellect. Evolution stakes precisely on the intellect since a smart fellow has more chances of survival. That is why a sense of humor can be a much bigger sign of masculinity than the pumped-up muscles. Needless to say, I'm talking about the subconscious level of perception."

    Well, I don't know if this proves that the left is intelligent, but they sure do make me laugh a lot.

    Hey, do you know why the chicken crossed the road?
    To show the possum that it could be done.

    Okay, maybe I need to work on my muscles instead.

    Posted by GM Roper at 11:00 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    September 19, 2005

    Tim Russert, You Get To The Woodshed Right This Moment, Do You Hear Me Young Man?

    One of the funniest, if not THE funniest thing I've read in a very long time. WUZZADEM You Rock!

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:32 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    September 18, 2005

    My New Car!

    I just bought a new 2006 Automobile, but I returned to the dealer the next day, complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked.

    The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Watch this!" he said, "Nelson!" The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

    "Willie!" he continued, and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven!", I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles!", I'd get one of their awesome songs.

    One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them.

    "CREEPS, JERKS, IDIOTS!" I yelled.

    The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums and Bill Clinton on sax....

    I LOVE this car !!!!!!!!!

    Posted by GM Roper at 04:11 PM | Comments (15) | TrackBack (0)

    September 12, 2005

    Bush Exploits New Orleans Flood - A View from the Left

    In the sense of fairness, we're presenting the truth about George W. Bush and his hurricane response through the eyes of the left--and, the picture isn't pretty and just got worse. To recap so far, we have learned that Bush caused the hurricane because he ignored global warming, that he directed the storm to strike New Orleans which is under a Democratic mayor and governor, that he took money needed to upgrade the levees so that he could reduce taxes for the rich, that he sent the National Guard to Iraq making them unavailable for rescues, that he made no preparations for the disaster and appointed incompetent friends to FEMA, that he (and this is terrible) bombed the levees to flood the city and wouldn't save those washed out because they were black and Bush is a racist, that he blamed everyone else for his problems, that he conveniently hired Halliburton two months before the storm for the clean-up, that he won't recover bodies, and that, in general, he is totally clueless. Wow! I guess that covers it all. But, wait. Now, there's something else. You just have to see the picture below to believe it. It is horrible and speaks for itself. This guy should be impeached.

    Caution. Don't go further if you support Bush.
    Okay I warned you.

    See. Bush's personal exploitation shows his insensitivity to the plight of those looters dying and homeless behind him. But, on the other hand, that is a pretty good looking fish. Good job, Mr. President!

    via Denny in Atlanta

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:50 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (1)

    September 05, 2005

    New Modes Of Transportation

    Given the gasoline crunch, may I recommend the following mode of transportation? It uses only grass and a little effort to kick start it. I would however recommend a rear mounted basket for the exhaust.

    Continue reading "New Modes Of Transportation"
    Posted by GM Roper at 09:53 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

    September 04, 2005

    Why Didn't We See This Coming?

    I searched high and low for the photographic evidence, finally uncovering a never before seen photograph, never published, never printed. We've had 37 years to get ready for this, yet we totally failed to see it coming, IN SPITE of the evidence before us. How could we have been so blind? Why oh why didn't we take steps in 68 to prevent this travesty!

    Continue reading "Why Didn't We See This Coming?"
    Posted by GM Roper at 05:55 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

    Moi? Orange? But Of Course!

    Your Blog Should Be Orange

    Your writing has a star quality - it's charming, bold, and flamboyant.
    You write what's on your mind, without fear of embarrassment later.
    You are one of the most honest bloggers around, and people appreciate your daring persona.

    A tip of the GM Chapeaux to Smoke Eater

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:17 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    August 30, 2005

    National & International Economics

    There has been entirely too much carping over who has what, should wealth be tranferred between individuals/states, taxation schemes, etc. In the interests of bipartisan cooperation, I have, at great expense and time gathered the best and the brightest to help put together a primer on economics, both national and international. Read carefully, there will be a test next week.

    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Barbara Streisand sings for you.

    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.

    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.

    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

    You have two cows.
    Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk
    the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
    surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
    analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
    Your stock goes up.

    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.

    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
    and produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
    excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year

    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
    You break for lunch.
    Life is good.

    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
    You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
    alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.

    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

    You have one cow.
    The cow is schizophrenic.
    Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.
    The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
    The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
    The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
    The cow dies happy.

    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the better looking one.
    Some of the people who actually like the brown one
    better accidentally vote for the black one.
    Some people vote for both.
    Some people vote for neither.
    Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tells you which one you
    think is the better-looking cow.

    You have millions of cows.
    They make real California cheese.
    Only five speak English.
    Most are illegals.
    Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:39 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (1)

    August 15, 2005

    A Democrat Fable - Caring More than Republicans

    The Barber

    One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."

    The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.

    Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

    Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."

    The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

    Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

    Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."

    The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.

    Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to improve your business" and "Becoming more successful".

    Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."

    The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop.

    Next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

    (via Emigre with a Digital Cluebat)

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:40 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (1)

    August 10, 2005

    NPR - Lessons on Raising Children

    Once in a while as I drive my son to school, he tries to get under my skin by switching the car radio from sports to National Public Radio (NPR). Today, he did that again, and the first story from our local NPR station was about correcting a racial disparity in our region. It seems that one out of four white families have broadband internet access while only one out of seven black families have broadband. A higher percentage of blacks have to suffer with dial-up service. Wow! Now, this raises two questions in my mind.

    First, are you like me on this? Is this really a problem? People on the left (if you consider NPR left, and you should) have to really stretch sometimes for causes. Is this the best that they can do? How about the homeless? The broadband disparity has to be worse with them, and that has to be Bush's fault!

    Okay, I got that out of my system. Now, here is the second question. What would be an appropriate punishment for my son's putting my car radio on NPR? I don't want him to turn out wrong...and, I really don't want to get in the car each day to hear something else like more white families have hockey tickets.

    Raising kids is tough, and a lesson on NPR is just what we need.

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:30 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)

    August 07, 2005

    The OFFICIAL Notice

    Hey, since the constitution only states that 18 people are in the official "Order of Succession" what happens if all 18 get it at the same time. Wondering that, some one came up with an idea to begin a regular order in which we all have a stake.

    Get your position here

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:10 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    July 28, 2005

    Senate Judiciary Chases More Records Than Lance Armstrong

    This in from Scrappleface:

    Bush to Senate Judiciary: Release Your Own Records
    by Scott Ott

    The White House today called for members of the Senate Judiciary Committee to release all of their tax records and other personal documents so Americans can gain insight into the judicial philosophy and character of those who will help choose the next Supreme Court Justice.

    "These Senators hold the future of our legal system in their hands," said presidential spokesman Scott McClellan. "They're going to place someone on the court who may serve for 20 or 30 years. So, we need to probe their ideology, and directly ask them whether they will vote for Judge John Roberts before confirmation hearings begin."

    The Bush administration has a team of lawyers standing by ready to comb through millions of pages of senatorial documents in an attempt to brand some Judiciary Committee members as "extremists who are out of step with mainstream America."

    Makes sense to me! However, I'd make it more like "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours." Then maybe, just maybe, we could get John Kerry to open his military records, too. I'm enjoying, but not surprised at, the hypocrisy of the Senate Democrats on the confirmation of Roberts for the Supreme Court.

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:30 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    July 27, 2005

    "Signs" of Massachusetts Becoming Alabama

    The people of Massachusetts and the people of Alabama now have something in common--both of their road systems use Alabama highway signs.

    The highway signs in Easthampton, Massachusetts have an Alabama outline. Apparently, someone looked at the federal manual governing highway signs, which uses the Alabama signs as a sample. (First in the alphabet, I guess.) So they showed the guide to the contractor, who apparently isn't too good at geography and gave them exactly what they asked for. The signs stayed up for a week before anyone noticed. As the contractor said, 'the numbers were correct'.

    [Via Mac Thomason of War Liberal (lefty) and Braves Journal (makes up for being lefty.) Also, "The Boston Globe" (reallll lefty) has more with pictures.]

    Now, can we expect the people of Boston to complete the transformation and start using words like y'all and git-R-done? But, for Massachusetts to really become more like Alabama, it should start by dumping its senators (you know who) and electing some respectable people.

    Hey, Alabama. Want a good deal on some slightly used road signs?

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    July 19, 2005

    Liberals Sabotage Conservative Site

    If you're a regular visitor to this site, you may have noticed that the site looks different. (No kidding!) The format is a mess. We're having technical problems and there are strong indications that liberals have sabotaged the site to keep you from learning and spreading truth. However, the only hint that we have that this might not be true is that we don't know any liberals smart enough to pull that off. In the meantime, thanks for bearing with us until the problem is corrected.

    Update: Well, I owe Jim Hitchcock, one of my favorite liberals a beer and a Richard Simmons tape. I wasn't able to fix it, but Michael Slobokan who writes Slobokan's Site O'Schtuff was. It turns out that there was an extra < / div> code in there so I guess it wasn't liberal sabotage after all. By the way, if you have never visited Michael's site, please do so. Michael has a very, very visually pleasing site, full of great posts and is a solid conservative too (Take that Jim Hitchcock.) PLUS he is a Texan and that makes him tops in my book. I will note that I overlooked that extra bit of code at least half a dozen times, so, my hat is off to Michael and the GREAT work he does INCLUDING the design of this site.

    Michael, Thanks so very much.... GM Roper

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:00 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    Be Careful What You Ask For: Part 743

    George W. Bush
    1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
    Washington, District of Columbia

    Dear Mr. President:

    I am taking time to write to you to protest the treatment of the detainees at Guantanamo Naval Base’s Camp X-Ray. The Muslim individuals you have detained there are being held under conditions reminiscent of what was done in Abu Ghraib, Auschwitz, and the Gulags and as an American, I do not appreciate what you are doing in my name.

    I cannot believe that you do not understand that their cultural differences mandate that we treat them humanely, with kindness and compassion. They have been removed from their culture on, what at best, seem to be spurious circumstances and their having an attitudinal problem with their captors seems perfectly normal. I understand that you have a war to fight, but these people are prisoners of war and are entitled to all the considerations of Prisoners of War.

    Please insure that these POW’s and any future POW’s have all of their rights protected. Their food must be culturally acceptable, prayer rugs must be provided, copies of their holy book must be provided and their cultural needs met. They should never see women in circumstance other than what they are used to in their culture.

    America stands for acceptance and tolerance of differences and these people deserve our kindness and consideration and nothing less. I demand that you begin to treat them as guests in our country until this unpleasantness with other cultures be resolved.


    John Q. Liberal, Atty.
    American Civil Liberties Union


    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington D.C.

    Dear Mr. Liberal:

    Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

    You'll be pleased to learn that thanks to the concerns of citizens such as yourself, we are creating the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

    Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

    Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome this character flaw. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere "cultural differences."

    Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel that this might offend him.

    Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him. He has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he considers appropriate, but I'm sure that over time they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka. Just remind them that it is all part of respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.

    Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you inform us of the proper way to do our job.

    Take good care of Ahmed and good luck!

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:01 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    July 18, 2005

    When Kitties Overdose!!!


    Posted by GM Roper at 07:02 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    July 12, 2005

    Phun With The Phrench!

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:59 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    July 09, 2005

    Linkers of the Revolution - Unite, Lift the Chains From Your Consciousness!!!!

    Joe Carter at Evangelical Outpost thinks we need to raise our consciousness because Live 8 is doing something, even as Bob Geldolf said, "Something must be done, even if it doesn't work."

    I don't have a real problem with the Live8 music fest, I kind of hope that they have an effect (though so far they really haven't had much of an effect. But that is due to those nasty governments of Zimbabwe, Sudan, etc. - not the fault of the feel gooders) But this appears in the Contra-Costa Times:

    According to the New York Times, the concerts included more than 200 musical acts scheduled to play more than 69 hours of music. Organizers said 5.5 billion people would be able to watch or listen on the Internet and more than 182 television stations and 2,000 radio networks and stations. Coldplay’s Chris Martin called the concerts "the greatest thing that's ever been organized, probably, in the history of the world."
    So, I hereby proclaim that I will raise my personal consciousness regarding moonbattyness with a view to finding a cure.


    1. Raise your consciousness.
    2. Show others that you have raised your consciousness by linking to this post and displaying the Official Logo of LotR on your blog (see above).
    3. Tell the world exactly what it is you are raising your consciousness about (it can be anything you want).
    4. Use your raised consciousness to exert political pressure on the G8 summiteers.
    5. Feel good about having participated in an action that, while not having actually affected anything, has allowed you to be part of the greatest thing that ever been organized – probably -- in the history of the world.

    As Geldolf said, "Something must be done, even if it doesn't work." Oh, that makes me feel better Geldolf...

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:24 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    July 05, 2005

    The Law Of Unintended Consequences

    There are consequences, and there are consequences. Le Building: Short, Sweet, Funny.

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:33 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (2)

    If The Declaration Had Been Written By The Left

    When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God and Gaia entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind fellows with our way of thinking requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation divorce.

    We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal with some men more equal than others, that they are endowed by their Creator those of us with the intelligence to rule with certain unalienable alterable Rights, that among these are Life (unless you are a fetus), Liberty (save the freedom to think conservatively) and the pursuit of Happiness (providing you do it our way). –That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed intelligencia, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it take it to the United Nations for consideration by the Security Council and or the Human Rights Committee, and to institute new Government federally funded programs, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness according to what we say is allowable. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes if at all; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed and thus, we support for decades such tyranny as we find in opposition to conservative thought and or freedom loving peoples. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government duty to continue to live under rules promulgated by those that truly know better, and to provide new Guards for their future security more funding for such programs as we can devise for the betterment of mankind. —Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain [George III] is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States and while we find this to be difficult, we understand that his upbringing and society at large are to blame for his Tyranny and that prior to our full and unalterable no-contest divorce, said George III requires therapy and understanding. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:40 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

    July 02, 2005

    The Next Supreme Court Justice.... GM's Corner Has The Answer!!!

    There seems to be a lot of concerns from the Democrats regarding who President Bush will nominate to fill the vacancy created by the resignation/retirement of Justice Sandra Day O'Conner. They (the Dems.) want to be consulted so that the next Justice won't be a radical, will support abortion on demand (while at the same time saying [out of the other side of their mouths] they don't have a litmus test) and one that doesn't make them reach for the "extra-ordinary circumstances." Too, they want a moderate or preferably a liberal with a cherry on top.

    Well, GM, your purveyor of truth, justice and the American way has the answer. The next Justice should be picked from the following list:

    1. Hillary Clinton
    2. Ted Kennedy
    3. Harry Reid
    4. Dick Durban
    5. Barrak Obama
    6. Joseph Biden
    7. Barbara Boxer
    8. Christopher Dodd
    9. Russell Finegold
    10. Dianne Feinstein
    11. James Jeffords
    12. John Kerry
    13. Frank Lautenburg
    14. Patrick Leahy
    15. Barbara Mikulski
    16. Patty Murry
    "Wait a minute GM, are you OUT OF YOUR COTTON PICKIN' MIND? Those are ALL 100% LIBERAL Democrats" I can hear all of my conservative brethren now.

    Heck no.... first we villify them in committee, bring up everything they have ever written, every thought, every pseudo-scandel, every grocery list from 1968, every social faux pas, every skeleton in every closet of everyone they are related to, then as soon as they get to the floor for a vote, 55 Republican Senators stand up and announce that this is an extra-ordinary circumstance and Phill-E-Buster.... Then let the President make a recess appointment of a real conservative over the Labor Day holliday. Simple huh? Effective in showing the obstructionists for exactly what they are? You Bet!

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:49 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    July 01, 2005

    Beautiful, Blond, Sans Clothing & Pole Dancing!!!

    Normally, I do not approve of risque material on this blog, however, this dear lady I know sent me a photograph that I just had to post. If you are offended by "a little" risque posting, please don't click on read more below, just go about your business as if nothing happened and as if you have absolutely no purient interests.

    Thank You,
    The Management

    Continue reading "Beautiful, Blond, Sans Clothing & Pole Dancing!!!"
    Posted by GM Roper at 03:00 PM | Comments (15) | TrackBack (0)

    The After Effects of Nuclear War In The US Senate.

    Reuters - Washington D.C. Despite the Democrats belief that they could obstruct the selection of judges by a sitting President through the use of a parliamentary device called filibuster, Democrats are reeling from the effects of the Nuclear burst located in the US Senate the other day.

    John McCain (RINO, Az) had noted on "Meet The Depressed" during an interview that the selection of the next Supreme Court Judge would really be, "with all due respect" up to only 14 Senators. Despite the knowledge that no where in the US Constitution does one find that kind of language, McCain proceeded to try to influence the constitutional mandate of Advise and Consent in just that way with the retirement of Justice Sandra Day O'Conner.

    Justice O'Conner, the first woman elevated to the high bench surprised everyone by submitting her resignation to President Bush, even before the expected retirement of Chief Justice William Rehnquist. The President of course, made a number of laudatory remarks following receipt of her resignation from the lifetime appointment.

    Conservative commentators then hunkered down expecting a week or two or twelve's worth of hoopla generated by the MSSM (Main Stream Stupid Media). One person in a man on the street interview noted "Well, at least it got Aruba off the air."

    As expected, the first out of the box with criticism was Teddy Kennedy (Whale - Mass) who apparantly felt he had to comment before heading out to Happy Hour on this July Fourth Weekend. Kennedy noted on Thursday

    The 14 Senators who reached the landmark bipartisan compromise in the nuclear option debate made a pledge to one another and a plea to the President that the advice function must not be given short shrift, and that serious consultation with the Senate in the nomination process is the key to a successful confirmation process. Separate and independent assessments of nominations by each Senator are precisely what the framers wanted us to do. They wanted Senators to be a check on the Executive's proposed judicial selections, as a safety net for the Nation if the President overreaches by making excessively partisan or ideological nominations.
    GM Roper, of GM's Corner, a famous and by liberal lights an infamous Blogger retorted
    No Senator Kennedy, the Constitution calls for advise and consent. In order for that to happen, the Senate must actually vote and say to the President, "Good choice!" Or perhaps "No Thanks, next?" The idea that the founding fathers wanted any group of senators to block a vote on "excessively partisan or ideological nominations" is your own construct and you will NOT find that language in the constitution. But then, Senator, I wouldn't expect you to understand that because of your excessive partisanship and your ideological blindness.

    As the Senate prepared for war, the left demanded that the President submit a list of nominees whom they could then discern who would be acceptable. Of course, they left out that whom the left thought acceptable may not be acceptable to the rest of the senate, or indeed the rest of the country.

    When Senator Reid (Reactionary - Nv) announced a filibuster over the President's nomination, Senator Frist (Doc - Tenn) reached under his desk and pushed the Nuclear Button. The Vice President then stated that there was an objection to filibuster and the vote to overturn that Senate Rule was 51-49 along pretty much party lines with a few RINO's voting aginst and a few conservative Democrats voting for.

    Thus ends a long an hoary tradition in the Senate. Democrats are sitting in the aisles weeping in frustration muttering "Wait till its our turn." However, as Karl Rove noted, "With this behavior, the American People are not likely to give the Democrats another turn for some time."

    C. My Sarcasm contributed to this report as did John Q. Satire

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:55 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    June 28, 2005

    Consequences For The Rich And Famous!!

    Let this be true, PLEASE let this be true. I personally will buy one or more shares in this hotel. I call on ALL freedom loving peoples in America to lend a hand.

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)

    Carnival of the Clueless

    Rick Moran at Rightwing Nuthouse has a delicious set of links and explinations to the Carnival Of The Clueless #3. Read them all. A good PC: $900.00; Internet High Speed Access: $29.99/mo.; Watching the clueless self destruct: Priceless!

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:25 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    Riots in Atlanta

    (AP-Atlanta) Police were called to an undisclosed location in Georgia yesterday following complaints of loud noises coming from several conservative neighborhoods. Shouts of "Yea Woody!" and "Welcome Back Woody" were heard over large areas of town. When police attempted to quiet the rowdy celebrants, chanting erupted; "When you gonna post Woody?" and "Woody's back, lefties crack."

    Elsewhere, on the internet and especially at GM's Corner where the proprietor, one GM Roper, received e-mails by the twos and threes stating "It's about %$&*@*& time we got some humor back into this blog." That was from a regular reader named "reg."

    Other readers, notably one named "steve" noted "I'm tired of the corporate mindset believing that the left wing of the Democratic party owns the media. Woody is proof positive that the media is conservative."

    One regular commenter, "JimHitch" noted that "While I appreciate GM's point of view as a conservative, and of course GM is always wrong because I'm a liberal and I say so. GM doesn't come close to the humor and outright fun of Woody's posting."

    GM could not be reached for further comment. More as the story develops.

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:21 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    June 18, 2005

    Finding Popeye's Mom. At Last, The Reunion!

    Most of us, at least those with any sense of humor or who had a childhood beginning before 1965 or so remember the phrase "That's all's I can stands 'cause I can't stands no more!" Ahh, the immortal words of Popeye. Most of us don't know how Popeye came to be. Originally, he was an added character in ...

    "The Thimble Theatre was the original E. C. Segar's comic strip began in 1919. The original characters were Olive Oyl, Castor Oyl, Ham Gravy, (Olive's Original boyfriend), Hotfoot, King Bozo, Whiffle Hen and more. Popeye came on the scene in this 10 year old newspaper comic strip to sail Olive's ship. After that initial episode, shown on the right, Popeye was dropped out of the strip. Segar never intended for Popeye to remain in the strip. But Popeye's fans demand an immediate return. Within two years of his introduction, Popeye became a national hit, found in at least one paper of every American city of any size. Wimpy was added to the cast in 1932, and Swee'pea was found in 1936.
    Most Popeye fans also know that Popeye's pappy was Poopdeck Pappy. But, ne'er a word about his mom. Here is a drawing of the original Popeye as it appeared in 1929: Popeye Original.png by the late 60's early 70's, Popeye was a little more sophisticated as you will note here: popeye.jpg But again, though we know how he looks, and how his "pappy" looks, no word was heard about his mom. We searched high and low, we looked in the strips of Dick Tracey, Brenda Starr, Lil Lulu, Nancy & Pogo and many other strips including Dilbert. All to no avail. Wanted posters were spread over the internet and on milk cartons. His mom had to be found. Then, one day, while visiting a friend in a nursing home, I walked by a little old lady and voila. She has been found.

    Continue reading "Finding Popeye's Mom. At Last, The Reunion!"
    Posted by GM Roper at 09:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    Save the Cats -- Then The Children - A New Type Of Catblogging

    To make up for "Morris the Flying Wonder Cat!," I want to help these poor lost kittens. If you find them adorable, won't you please offer them homes?

    Continue reading "Save the Cats -- Then The Children - A New Type Of Catblogging"
    Posted by GM Roper at 01:50 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    Morris the Flying Wonder Cat!

    To help another site host who is traveling, I prepared an entry related to that site's theme--cats. My submission had a short video clip that showed how cats amuse us when we swing or dangle something near them and they try to jump and grab it--something like you might see on Animal Planet. Real cute. Well, G.M. disagreed for some reason.

    The clip simply shows an amazing trick, and I was told that no animal was injured during the shooting of this video. So, not wanting the effort to go to waste, I am providing that clip for our readers who share "my same love for cats." Enjoy. (WMV file) Morris--the Amazing Flying Cat!

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:10 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    June 16, 2005

    Moderate Replaces Howard Dean to Head Democrats

    This just in...a moderate has replaced Howard Dean as the chairman of the Democratic National Committee. This should offer a new and unusual challenge for the Republicans, who are courting Evander Holyfield. Here's the scoop:

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:40 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    June 14, 2005

    Michael Jackson - White singer beats rap--and hip hop

    California juries are known for innocent verdicts of prominent and, likely, guilty people. (Well, that is if you really think O.J. and Robert Blake were guilty.) Now, we have Michael Jackson who is at least guilty of being very weird. Last night David Letterman took the verdicts to the next logical step when he said, "This just in…Saddam Hussein wants his trial moved to Santa Maria, California." Why not? Well, here's the top ten list:

    Top Ten Things Overheard During The Michael Jackson Verdict
    10. "We the jury find the defendant not guilty--oh God, did I say the wrong one?"
    9. "Of course he's nervous--look how pale he is"
    8. "Will Mr. Blake and Mr. Simpson please keep the laughter down?"
    7. "No, I think he'll do fine in prison"
    6. "I'm a celebrity in an L.A. courtroom--I like my chances"
    5. "Do you think this'll be on the news tonight?"
    4. "We the jury find the defendant creepy"
    3. "Michael, good news--I just saved 15 percent on my car insurance by switching to Geico"
    2. "Wait, have Tito, Latoya and Jermaine always been on the jury?"
    1. "Another case of a white guy getting preferential treatment."

    Well, I personally think that Jackson had committed some improper acts with boys, but the State of California failed to adequately prove its cases. What were the odds? Finally, now will people quit letting their kids sleep overnight with Jackson?

    With Michael Jackson back at the Neverland Ranch, he has a new strategy for dealing with boys who want to leave. Here's the site where you can learn more and help with his "drag net." "Neverland Ranch"

    Have fun--and, sharpen your aim.

    Posted by GM Roper at 01:00 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

    The Bible and Science - and the price of pizza

    The left screams when you mix religion and government. Now, they have a new concern. A few years ago, Alabama passed a law favoring the Bible over science, and that is having consequences in our schools and space program. However, I have one reason to support Alabama and the Bible. With that law, it is a lot easier to compute the area of a pizza and determine if two twelve inch ones are a better deal than one sixteen incher.

    Continue reading about this and let us know what you think about religion in schools and government.

    Continue reading "The Bible and Science - and the price of pizza"
    Posted by GM Roper at 07:00 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (1)

    June 13, 2005

    Less Then 1000 To Go!

    Woody and I have noted in various e-mails to each other that we are rapidly closing in on our 10,000th visitor. That seems to be a landmark for blogdom. We have had, as of this posting 9,037 visits to the site and just shy of 25 thousand page views. Not bad for an old fart and a young whipper-snapper (GM is NOT the young whipper-snapper....ed.)

    So, we came up with an idea for a contest. The winner will be the one to be randomly drawn for a lucky visitor number between 9,975 and 10,025. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can award the winner with a grand prize. Our discussion of prizes went like this:

    GM: What about a new hummer2
    Woody: What if they don't like SUV's, how about a new diamond ring?
    GM: We won't know their ring size and they may not like diamonds. How about a trip to the Virgin Islands?
    Woody: Nah, too many people get seasick. I've got it, how about an all expense paid trip to the 2008 Democratic Convention to watch Hillary get crowned?
    GM: Our readers? They are usually conservatives and the liberal ones don't really like Hillary. How about a complete makeover?
    Woody: No way, you saw what happened to that makeover volunteer at American Warmongers. I've got it.... buzzbuzzwhisperwhisper....

    And so, our winner will receive:

    Continue reading "Less Then 1000 To Go!"
    Posted by GM Roper at 02:39 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)

    June 11, 2005

    Attention Hungry - The Google Report

    I sometimes check my sitemeter to see what words are being searched to arrive at GM's Corner & Woody Too! The results are often hilarious, I've found "sore armpits," "discovery channel greatest american george bush conspiracy," several mentions of "John Kerry's Grades (hat tip to woody)," "speeches about honesty," even "Ambercrombie and Fitch Catalogue Pictures."

    Imagine my surprise, though a pleasant one, when "Attention Hungry" popped up refering to this post. I clicked on the google link and lo and behold: attention hungry.png

    over 3million searches for Attention Hungry and GM's Corner & Woody Too! are NUMBER ONE, NUMERO UNO!

    Send your accolades, huzzah's and congratulations (or even 10 dollar bills) for this major achievement to: Gmroper@.... nah, I won't go there... I can just imagine the junk mail for extenders (what ever that is) and offers of riches from Nigeria coming in. Oh, and for you jaded detractors.... no, it wasn't google bombed. If I were going to do that, I would have picked a better entry. ;-)

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:37 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    June 08, 2005

    Commenters React to Posting Rules - Bush Blamed---Part II

    Sheesh, I try and try and try to make it easier on my good friends and all I get is grief. Actually, the rules change was to try to get spam blocked, both comment spam and trackback spam, then when I almost immediately got a trackback spam from someone named www.bardak.com.ru I figured I had been either screwed, or screwed up. See Jim, I had that thought too. But I digress. This is the entry for the trackback from my control page:

    A new TrackBack ping has been sent to your weblog, on the entry 83 (Truth In Politics &, Of Course, In Commenting).

    IP Address:
    Title: Truth In Politics &, Of Course, In Commenting
    Weblog: Truth In Politics &, Of Course, In Commenting

    Now, the weblog listed is the exact same name as the post title here which oddly enough, is a post about trolls and spam on Dr. Sanity a blog written by a very nice lady psychiatrist.

    Again I digress. When you try to find out who the heck is bardak and type http://bardak.com.ru you get this:

    You don't have permission to access / on this server.

    So I asked for some help from my hosting company and they suggested I allow unregistered comments as well as registered comments. But when I clicked on the "allow unregistered" thingy in the blog configuration spot, the registration thingy disappeared. So, to heck with it. When I get spam I'll just delete it.

    Since Woody's post was in fact authorized by allowing him to post at any time and he fibbed about trying to contact me, I'm going to eliminate his raise. I had planned to raise his pay by about 1000% but now.........

    You guys crack me up, and I love all of ya....

    P.S., I worked really hard on Counterintuitive Rant. At least you guys could go and read it and comment on it......

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:09 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (1)

    June 07, 2005

    John F(rench) Kerry

    Well, no wonder he got a C in French his Freshman Year at Yale....

    john french kerry.jpg

    With a tip of the GM Chapeaux to Duncan Avatar at The Wide Awakes

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    The Democrats Rosetta Stone

    GM: "Hey Woody?"
    Woody: "Yeah GM?"
    GM: "Our Democratic friend Jim sent us what he called the "Top 50 Republican Values."
    Woody: "That was nice of him."
    GM: "Yeah, but they kinda make us look bad."
    Woody: "Let me see...oh, I see what you mean."
    GM: "Woody, you know how the Democrats always speak in
    Woody: "Yeah, and?"
    GM: "Well, wouldn't it be nice of us to translate each of these so called values into what the Democrats really mean?"
    Woody: "You mean kind of like a Rosetta Stone."
    GM: "Yeah, whatcha think?"
    Woody: "Great idea GM. We can put down each "value" and then translate it into what the Democrats really mean."
    GM: "Let's git-er-done."

    And so dearly beloved, GM and Woody labored to provide you with a solid translation of what the Democrats really mean in the firm and certain knowledge that they were providing an immeasureable service for many future generations.

    The list of Republican values, beliefs, moral guideposts that we know they will always stand by, come hell or high water. Here's a start:

    (1) the end justifies the means. Translation: We don't know how to get to a useful end, so we'll accuse the Repubs of overreaching.
    (2) War, because it is profitable, is good for the economy. Translation: If we accuse the Repubs of being war mongers, no one will notice that most of our major wars have been started during Democrat presidencies.
    (3) To endeavor endlessly to impose the rightness of our ways on others, consoled by that fact that those who continue to disagree, don't matter anyway. Translation: We can accuse the Repubs of doing what we have always done... confuse the issue, state falsehoods and circumlocute for all we are worth.
    (4) Secrecy in the pursuit of domination is no vice. Translation: If we do it, it's in the national interest, if the Repubs do it, they have some nefarious scheme up their sleeve.
    (5) The only way to save Iraq is to destroy it. Translation: Heh, we used this one in Vietnam too, and dumb ole Nixon kept it going for us.
    (6) Obfuscation is the better part of information. Translation: That way, we can call a decrease in the increase of social spending a spending cut and the stupid red-staters will never catch on.
    (7) Never take the blame for which you can lay on others. Translation: We've been doing that for years, remember Clinton's famous slut/stalker defense regarding Lewinsky?
    (8) Treat citizens like mushrooms, keep them in the dark and cover them with shit. Translation: Heh! Get high powered speakers like Byrd or Biden or even Kerry up there to confuse issues and those red-state rubes will never catch on.
    (9) Republican values are measured by the "value" of one's portfolio. Translation: We don't want them to know that the richest members of the House and Senate are usually Democrats, especially when you get to marry a fortune like John did.
    (10) The only bad lie is one that hasn't been covered up adequately. Translation: Why, this whole 50 thingys that we are trying to pin on the Repubs is a big fat lie, but if we tell it loud enough, often enough....
    (11) When Battling Evil, take care to build consensus, even if you have to buy it. Translation: We never battle evil,so we don't have to worry about this one.
    (12) Never wait passively for tommorrow, when there is profit to be made today. Translation: Filibuster right down to the appointment of city dogcatchers.
    (13) Appeal to the base motives in society to guarantee the ignoble will support us. Translation: Call Gitmo a gulag, keep blacks on the Democrat Plantation by seeking their support every four years and telling them how much we have done for them.
    (14) When Battling Evil, take care to build consensus, even if you have to buy it. Translation: Hey, this is the same as number 11 but don't mention it, those yo-yo's in the red states are too dumb to notice.
    (15) Pay lip service to Mother Earth before raping and pillaging her. Translation: Anytime we can blame a Repub for a natural disaster, lack of foresight on our part or not enough money spent the way we want it spent this will make them look like anti-environmentalists.
    (16) When setting policy based on false claims, always have compelling backup excuses. Translation: Didja ever notice how good this one is working on Social Security?
    (17) Never lose sight of the fact that God and the Flag are essential props in proper patriotic salesmanship. Translation: By accusing the Repubs of being Chauvinistic and overly patriotic, we can claim to be hurt when they question our judgment or motivation. Works every time.
    (18) If anyone mentions (a) Jean Lafitte or (b) that the Statue of Liberty was made in France, shout as loudly and as longly as necessary. Translation: Those damn frogs have never given any help to us, but this makes us look like citizens of the world, willing to keep our allies intact.
    (19) Gays can be cured. If we pray for them, they will join us in holy matrimony. Translation: If we accuse the Repubs of bigotry often enough, no one will notice that the Log Cabin Republicans and a lot of Gay Bloggers are solidly in their corner.
    (20 Repeat a lie three times and it's transformed into truth. Translation: Actually, this one is ours, but if we accuse the Repubs of it it will remind the red-state numbskulls of Joseph Goebbels.
    (21) If only the rich had all the money there would be no poor people. Translation: We know that there will always be poor people, most of our policies are guaranteed to make it that way. After all, we know whats best for all those rubes. We can tax them into the poor house and spend all the money on projects that make us feel good. Won't do any good for anyone, but we'll feel great.
    (22) Do away with affirmative action because it "vulcanizes" society. Translation: This one is great, we invent affirmative action in order to make blacks think we are doing something for them and we get a chance to take a poke at Bush too... just like this. (Ed. Note: Bush meant Balkanize -- the idiot!)
    (23) Never underestimate the persuasive power of a good sex scandal. Translation: Heh! Why do you think all us Democrats are so randy?
    (24) Never let stupidity and ignorance stand in the way of good irrationality. Translation: Hey, this one applies to us, not Repubs, what's it doing here?
    (25) Making sure that there's an ongoing war during an election campaign is a surefire way to get re-elected. Translation: We used that to good stead for Presidents Wilson, Roosevelt, Truman, Johnson and now the repubs try it with Bush...what, do they think we don't recognize our own tactic?

    The remaining 25 falsehoods Republican values will have to be translated in another entry, more research material from Howard Dean and the DNC must be obtained before good translations can be made.

    This has been a public service provided to all Americans by GM and Woody. You're welcome!

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:06 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    June 06, 2005


    Pork Tornado, The Guy You Hate To Love has a compendium of the 10 worst album covers of all time on his website. These covers, complete with commentary can be found by clicking on this album cover. Please have your air-sickness bag ready.


    A Tip of the GM Chapeaux to Dr. Sanity's Carnival of the Insanities.

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:18 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    Enjoy coffee with the boss. It's on us!

    GM's Corner admires and spotlights honesty. So, enjoy a cup of coffee on us in a visit with an honest boss.

    An Honest Boss

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:00 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    June 05, 2005

    A New Compendium of Work Daffynitions

    1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline
    was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

    2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

    3 ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb
    success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

    4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming
    upstream only to get screwed and die in the end

    5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

    6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a Cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see whats going

    7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generations answer to the couch

    8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What
    yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

    9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

    10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
    because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

    11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from ones

    12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying
    but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and
    Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example.

    13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

    14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just
    above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

    15. 404: Someone whos clueless. From the World Wide Web error
    message 404 Not Found, meaning that the requested document could not
    be located. (For those in Toronto, its also Hwy 404... destination can
    not be located.)

    16. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

    17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
    that youve just made a BIG mistake.

    18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

    Update: Jim Hitchcock suggests an additional one. So, in the interests of bi-partisan humor:

    19. DOMINOES THEORY: When all your attempts at reasoning fall flat, so you give up and order a pizza.

    Another Update: The old Daddy-Guy forgot to give a tip of the GM Chapeaux to the source of the humor; his beloved daughter.... So, Princess Jenni, A tip of the Daddy-Guy's Chapeaux to you!

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:09 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    June 04, 2005

    Welcome to a New Author

    Woody and I have decided to clone the best parts of ourselves and combine talents in some posts. These will be authored by GM&Woody. Obviously a collaberative effort. Woodword & Bernstein look out... there's a new kid on the block!

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:56 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    June 03, 2005

    Chris Muir strikes STRIKES AGAIN


    As Professor Reynolds would say: "Heh!"

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:49 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    June 01, 2005

    "Deep Throat" Identified - G.M. Roper Cleared

    In a surprise announcement, it was revealed that the Woodward & Bernstein source for Watergate and Nixon was not G.M. Roper. This ends years of speculation and denial from a nondescript mental health counselor and university instructor--formerly accused of being the behind the scenes political operative that brought down the Nixon White House.

    After hearing the news, Roper said,

    This is a weight off of my shoulders. Sure I had issues with Nixon, like the time he put in the wage freeze right before my 90-day performance review, but I remained loyal. My main beef was with Nixon's pal Bebe Rebozo, who tried to protect his friend by fingering me for breaking into the office of the psychiatrist treating Nixon enemy Daniel Ellsberg, when I was really only working on my Master's thesis covering the psychological trauma from certain military service. Then Nixon's buddy and campaign contributor Robert Vesco hid over $200 million in a bank in the Caribbean, and I was supposed to get some of that to help this guy in Nigeria get his dead uncle's millions out of that country. I understand that he is now contacting others for that purpose--cutting me out of the deal. My recent trip to the islands to find Vesco's loot still came up empty, and Castro won't let me into Cuba to see him. Other than those things, there was no reason for me to create a constitutional crisis. The country was running fine.

    GM continued in an "off-the-record" remark,

    People only think this Felt guy is the real Deep Throat. I mean, isn't that a little hard to swallow?

    In his ever helpful way, Roper referred the reporters to G. Gordon Liddy, whom he claimed to have never met despite photographs of them together in a Texas bar, where they were detained for groping the buttocks of the waitresses. To deflect attention from himself, Roper tried to drag in a totally innocent person by saying, "If you ask me, you need to follow the trail to Woody. He's the one who met Nixon."

    An anonymous source revealed that conspiracy theorists (to maintain their anonymity we'll call them steve and reg) think this announcement may be planned to get investigative reporters off the trail of Roper. Because there is no evidence of Roper being the real Deep Throat, they took a page from former Speaker Tom Foley who, in investigating a non-existent October surprise by Ronald Reagan and George Bush, issued a release stating that Congress needed to investigate precisely because there wasn't any evidence to substantiate the allegation. However, most wackos are going to move on.

    The family of Felt has come out calling him a hero and letting him bask in the media glory. A family spokesman said,

    Our relative took brave actions. He broke the law by releasing information from confidential FBI files and by failing to report possible crimes to a prosecutor. Because of him, Gerald Ford became President and it boosted the career of Chevy Chase, who then had a new falling-down act. Also, it set the stage for Jimmy Carter to become President--teaching Americans toughness and patience with double digit inflation, interest rates, and unemployment--not to mention teaching them humility by allowing our embassy personnel to be held captive in Iran for 444 days, which also launched ABC's Nightline with Ted Koppel.

    If there's a lesson here, it's this--if you break the law, wait until you're in your nineties to confess so that if they sentence you to life in prison then you get a big laugh.

    With that, the proud, but laughing, family members elbowed each other in the ribs and retired into the house to share the watermelon and beer sent courtesy of the Washington Post.

    As the story actually unfolded, a report by Vanity Fair revealed that the secret source for the Washington Post was W. Mark Felt, former assistant director of the FBI during the Nixon administration. Not said, but certainly can be assumed, is that Felt, who "felt" (ha ha) that he deserved to be Director of the FBI after Hoover, took exception to Nixon passing over him and selecting an outsider for that position--so, why not get revenge by undermining the leader of your country?

    Word from the world of mass media has people praising Felt and calling on others to follow his example. In today's Huffington Post, Arianna (associated with illegal immigration hiring practices) writes:

    Like the rest of the journalistic world, the Huffington Post is buzzing over the revelation of Deep Throat’s identity -- including posts from Nora Ephron, Paul Krassner, Harry Shearer, Bill Diamond and Rep. John Conyers, who hopes that Mark Felt’s example will inspire current Washington insiders to similar acts of courage and patriotism.

    Now, I don't know about you, but I think it's a little strange that a currently serving member of the House of Representatives, Rep. John Conyers, is calling for other Americans to break the law. Of course, it's for a good cause--his. In his post, he wrote:

    I am thrilled that Mark Felt came forward today to teach this generation a thing or two about responsibility and accountability.

    So, the next time you see or suspect a crime being committed, don't call the police or report it. Take matters into your own hands. Cause pain to the perpetrator or, at least, pay him back on the sly when you can. The media will love you for it.

    Note: Some of the above is a parody. We expect you to be able to tell what part is and what part is not. Any use of names and descriptions of their actions is purely in fun and is not meant to represent anything that actually happened. Isn't it a shame that I have to write this so that people don't get upset or offended?

    Posted by GM Roper at 03:20 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    May 31, 2005

    Fisking Moonbats - Oh What A Joy It Is!!!

    Van Helsing who writes the blog Moonbattery posted a well deserved diatribe against the New York Times for this article.

    Indeed, as Van Helsing notes, surely the NYTimes could come up with a few "Old Soldiers Proud of Their Scars, but Unsure [Damn Sure] They'd Join Today in a New York Minute!" In fact, this former soldier who spent his entire Army "career" at Fort Polk and Fort Benning is one who would damn sure join up again if the Army would take me.

    "Easy for you to say Roper" you may be thinking. Yeppers, it is, but there are many folk my age who are still in the service and are proudly, without doubt, without any degree of hesitation still serving. There are many many more (tens of thousands of them) who are back in civilian life after fighting in WWII, Korea, Vietnam, Grenada, Somalia, Lebanon, Kosovo, Gulf War I, etc., who feel just like I do.

    However the Times couldn't be bothered to find any of those folk, that wouldn't be "news." Thus, the NYTimes deliberately, with malice aforethought comes up with their article on the cusp of Memorial Day, an article solely focused on denegrating those who do join up for the fight in Iraq and Afghanistan or anywhere else in the global war on terrorists. {author's note: The term War on Terror is a misnomer, Terror is a technique; this is rightfully called a War on Terrorists, those who use terror. They can be, will be and are being hunted down and killed or captured.)

    Which brings me to the purpose of this post. In the comments section of Van Helsing's article one Mike Miller posted this comment (presented in full without change):

    "What is wrong with presenting the case of a former Vet who is opposed to the Iraq war? I think it is shameful that opposing viewpoints are chastised and presented in such a partisan war mongering fashion. The War is a failure of epic proportion. Everything about it is unAmerican. The notion that it was undertaken to promote democracy is completly absurd. Oh, excuse me that's right, it was about curtailing the threat posed by WMDs which were going to destroy life in the United States as we know it with a thousand mushroom clouds. 1650 US servicemen and women dead for essentially nothing. Bush, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz and all the neocons had their sights set on Iraq long before 911. All one need do is take the time to read PNAC and any second grade idiot can connect the dots. The lies used to bring us into this shameful war are nothing short of treasonous. The cowardice with which this administration shifts the blame to the intelligence community for the lack of WMDs being present is sickening. And the mainstream media which is controlled by the same corporations which receive tax cuts and special treatment from the administration is complicit in the lack of truthful investigative reporting of the crimes perpetrated Bush and the neocons. The stories are so plentiful for those who care to look where the truth leads them. The aluminum tubes, the Plame case, Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo,all of which constitiute an endless litany of shameful lies and deceit perpatrated upon America and the World. The money spent by the US in this illegal and immoral war could have been used for the development of alternative energy and end or dimminish our need for non domestic sources of energy. The moral bankruptcy which is demonstrated by those who claim that we are somehow justified in going into Iraq since we need oil is typical of those who support Bush and his cronies. Galloway should be applauded for his address to Congress in which he told it like it is. It is high time that someone stands up and states what is obvious to those who still hold truth, honor, and democracy in high esteem, that being that the emporer truly has no clothes."
    This comment deserves a good fisking and I, though an insignificant blogger, and a member of the knuckle-dragging neandertholic wingnut faction of the slightly right-of-center political faction (Mike, I hope you recognize satrical hyperbole when you see it) will attempt to do so. No doubt my commenters will let me know if I have been successful. So, without further ado let us begin with Mike's opening statements:
    What is wrong with presenting the case of a former Vet who is opposed to the Iraq war? I think it is shameful that opposing viewpoints are chastised and presented in such a partisan war mongering fashion.
    Mike, Mike, Mike; there is NOTHING wrong with presenting opposing viewpoints, but we may question the reasoning behind, the planning for the opposition at a particular time and the motivation for presenting that viewpoint. That is what Van Helsing did. As to being "shameful" for presenting "opposing viewpoints" in a fashion reminiscent of "a partisan war mongering fashion" (what ever that means) isn't that exactly the stance you are taking in your screed? Isn't your comment a "partisan" attack (using some very strong language I might add) on Van Helsing's point of view?
    The War is a failure of epic proportion.
    No, it is not! A "failure of epic proportion" is the defense of Troy, the Russian attempt to war against Japan in 1905 at the Battle of Tsushima, the attack at Gallipoli those were failures. The current WOTerrorists is a difficult war, but Iraq has a government, popularly elected, and though the "insurgents" (a misnomer if ever there was one) have the capacity to inflict casualties on women, children and the social system, they do not have the capacity to win and form a coherent government in Iraq.
    The notion that it was undertaken to promote democracy is completly absurd. Oh, excuse me that's right, it was about curtailing the threat posed by WMDs which were going to destroy life in the United States as we know it with a thousand mushroom clouds.
    Oh please! No one ever said we were faced with any threat of "a thousand mushroom clouds" though if you want to think so, that is your right; just as it is your right to be oh-so-very-wrong. Bush and company indeed did mention the spread of democracy as one of the reasons for invading Iraq, but the WMD issue seemed to be more to the necessity of the invasion. Then too, I seem to recall that many on your side of the political "discussion" (discussion? talk about misnomers!..ed) expected tens of thousands of body bags being filled with allied corpses brought about by Saddam's expected use of those WMDs or don't you remember that? Too, the UN Resolutions mandated that Saddam come clean about his WMD programs, something he refused to do. If he claimed to have them, threatened to use them if invaded and history showed that he had the proclivity to use them, what else would a rational person think? Of course, the key term here is rational.
    1650 US servicemen and women dead for essentially nothing. Bush, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz and all the neocons had their sights set on Iraq long before 911. All one need do is take the time to read PNAC and any second grade idiot can connect the dots.
    First, it is 9-11 or 9/11. 911 is an emergency call number. Secondly, you are reporting total deaths, some 350 of which were from natural causes, accidents and so forth, not combat caused. 1300+ deaths from combat is a sad thing, but it is the least number of combat deaths in any war in history. Lastly, since you claim to be able to "connect the dots" may we assume that you are a "second grade idiot?"
    The lies used to bring us into this shameful war are nothing short of treasonous. The cowardice with which this administration shifts the blame to the intelligence community for the lack of WMDs being present is sickening.
    Back with the lies are we? Well, as anyone still rational in their thinking can note, there is a big difference between mistaken interpretation of evidence, mistaken evidence and a lie. I would expect someone of your ability to discern the difference and not be taken in by the meme of the moment. However, I could be wrong. Did the intelligence community get it wrong and present wrong evidence? That would seem to be the case wouldn't it. So stating that fact maybe uncomfortable but is not a sickening blamefest if you will. Treason? OMG, please, present your evidence to congress or the AG's office for prosecution and/or impeachment.
    And the mainstream media which is controlled by the same corporations which receive tax cuts and special treatment from the administration is complicit in the lack of truthful investigative reporting of the crimes perpetrated Bush and the neocons.
    Gee, where do I begin on this one? Mike, wasn't the purpose of your comment to support the MSM for the NYTimes article? Did I misread your intent? Sheesh, at least you could try to keep your argument coherent. The stories are so plentiful for those who care to look where the truth leads them.
    The aluminum tubes, the Plame case, Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo,all of which constitiute an endless litany of shameful lies and deceit perpatrated upon America and the World.
    Mike, the aluminum tubes were part of the intelligence community's "evidence." Perhaps it was wrong, but not out of total incompetence, just out of correct interpretation. Palme case? Gee, even the MSM has punctured that one. Abu Ghraib? Reported, investigation started by the military BEFORE it was public knowledge and subsequently charges were filed against the perpetrators; how is that a shameful lie? Guantanamo? Oh, yeah, the "Gulag of our times." Hah! If it were, the author of that would be in one. She isn't, it isn't! Nuff Said on that score!!!
    The moral bankruptcy which is demonstrated by those who claim that we are somehow justified in going into Iraq since we need oil is typical of those who support Bush and his cronies. Galloway should be applauded for his address to Congress in which he told it like it is.
    Uh, Mike, it was YOUR SIDE who claimed it was for oil. Our side denied it pretty much across the board and anyone with a scintilla of economic understanding would know that that would be one stupid goal. It was NEVER about oil Mike. Never!
    It is high time that someone stands up and states what is obvious to those who still hold truth, honor, and democracy in high esteem, that being that the emporer truly has no clothes.
    All that evidence you [erroneously] noted and that is all you can close with? Well, you happen to be correct for once, except that it is the left and you who are taking the role of "Emperor."

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:28 AM | Comments (39) | TrackBack (0)

    May 30, 2005

    Rules For COMMENTING

    I did something this morning that I have not done in the past, I deleted a comment by someone who I have warned once in the past quite a number of months ago. I don't really like doing that, because I set out to have this blog a free exchange of ideas, left, right or middle/lib/whatever. But something I grow rapidly weary of is the tendency for some to castigate others not of their own political persuasion in terms not usually heard except in drunken bar room brawls.

    That kind of language I can do without, and I won't subject my readers to it either. So, I took some rules, revised them (and explained where I got them from and put them here in what I call THE RULES FOR COMMENTING

    I welcome any and all comments, but use language and decorum that you would use in a church, synogogue, mosque or your grandmothers home. Argue all you want, but use "couth" language, respect your opponent, he probably thinks you are as stupid as you think he is.

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:54 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

    Jane Fonda Films That I Recommend


    Posted by GM Roper at 10:40 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

    May 29, 2005

    Bottle of Wine, Fruit of the Vine - When You Gonna...

    Paul Deignan that very brilliant worthy who writes Info Theory and the subject of an earlier "Newly Discovered Blogs" has sent me an e-mail:

    GM, I got two spots open for this: Wine For Winners Challenge



    Imagine that, a fellow blogger enticing an upstanding member of the community and blogosphere such as myself into gambling and imbibing? Hard to imagine isn't it. Paul believes, as I do not, that the Compromise of the Fourteen is a good deal. He seems to think that it will "prevent" future judicial filibusters (at least during the remainder of G.W.Bush's term.)

    Paul has set aside a few rules to stack the bet NOT in his favor such that:

  • 1. So let me offer this, should the Dems filibuster more than one judicial nominee without incurring the nuclear option in this Congress from now forward, I will send a bottle of Merlot or some other type of your choice not to exceed $20 (thanks SCOTUS) to the first five right-leaning site owners who respond to the challenge and who are on record against the deal provided they will respond in kind should I be right.
    Wine not whine. Takers? Respond here
  • 2. I'll extend the deal to be for the entire current presidential term for those that are hesitant. (I can wait until 2009 for a $20 bottle of wine).
  • 3. Well, despite my best efforts to prod our excitable friends into taking me up on this offer, it looks like they don't quite have the moxy. So caveat emptor of the latest fad political ideas to all those who would follow the first shrill alarm that would stampede the herd--the head is not fully committed to the trials of the hoof.
  • 4. Alright--I'm dropping the tripwire down to one or more (rather than more than one) unanswered filibusters of judicial nominees in this Congress. I'm not sure that this is theoretically sound, but I would like to have fun with this proposition.
  • 5. Well, I may be irrationally overconfident, but I'll allow that the time period is for the extent of Bush's term or the end of this Congress, whichever occurs later.
  • 6. Now allowing that "Bush's term" is interpreted as this current presidential term, so that the challenge will possibly be determined on the date of the next presidential inauguration for all participants."
  • Paul has been taken up on his bet by no less worthies than Xrlq (newly added to my blogroll) and the author of Damnum Absque Injuria; The highly talented, pontificating Patterico who writes at Patterico's Pontifications, also on my blogroll and by Flap that industrious dentist [Q: How can you tell a dentist is sad? A: When they look "down in the mouth."] who writes at Fullosseous Flap's Dental Blog [Don't let the name fool you, FFDB is a delightful read - and also on my blogroll]. And now: GM, the wise, the magnificent, the courageous, the charming and oh so good looking accepts the challenge as well.

    Hey, why not, I'm risking 20 bucks; if Paul loses, it's gonna cost him a hundred smackers (5 x $20.00 = $100.00 for you graduates of the California School System). $20.00 vs $100.00; whats not to like. Political beliefs like behavior ought to have consequences.

    Paul, you understand that the last was tongue in cheek I hope. ;-)

    At any rate, given that the Dems have already found the UN Ambassador to be an egregious exception to their "deal" (although they are disguising it as "we need more papers from the whitehouse"). I suspect that Paul will lose - Dems are not noted for keeping their "deals." Come to think of it, most politicians of any stripe aren't noted for keeping their deals.

    At any rate, and because I'm getting sleepy again: Paul, I accept!

    Posted by GM Roper at 03:56 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (1)

    May 27, 2005

    Chris Muir Strikes Again


    Amen Chris, Amen!

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:54 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    May 26, 2005

    GM & His Sidekick Woody

    I've received tens of thousands (well, ok, only thirty two) requests for photographs of both Woody and myself so that our hundreds of thousands visitors (well, ok, only 6,919 as of today) could see what we looked like as we cogitate our many posts on humor, politics, and things that go bump in the night. Click on "Continue reading" immediately below to see us together contemplating the Universe and the Problems of mankind.

    Continue reading "GM & His Sidekick Woody"
    Posted by GM Roper at 03:18 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    May 24, 2005

    No Comment Necessary

    I'm Against It

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:12 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (1)

    May 19, 2005

    Ward Churchill Picks Indians Over Braves

    Of course, you remember Ward Churchill, the University of Colorado professor and all-around nice guy, who came under criticism for his remarks on 9-11 victims, plagiarism, copying of art work, and claim to be an American Indian. Recently, his membership to the Cherokee Indians has been revoked. Churchill has issued a rebuttal to his critics and new proof to clarify his claim of actually being an Indian.

    I will admit there is some doubt as to the authenticity of the article, as it appears more intelligent than other comments by him. But, while I can't prove that it is or it isn't authentic, what it reports appears to be accurate.

    To further support his heritage, Churchill has provided a picture of his original Native American art work below the article. Much to my disappointment, it appears that he has cast his lot with the Cleveland Indians over the Atlanta Braves. (Maybe it's good. He reportedly loses control when he's pitching.)

    Below is the link to the article for which no offense is intended and with all apologies to real Native Americans, whom I respect and who deserve better than to be associated with Churchill.

    Am I an Indian? Ute be Surprised

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:50 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    May 17, 2005

    Kinky Friedman to Bush--"Burn Cuba's fields!"

    California could have a run for its money for the goofiest governor if Kinky Friedman is successful in his bid to be elected governor of Texas in 2006. I think that we need to examine this person who could follow in George W. Bush's footsteps if elected Texas governor.

    First, an overview of Friedman may be in order. His father was a professor at the University of Texas, where Kinky studied psychology in the 1960s. His real first name is Richard but his college buddies nicknamed him Kinky for his hair--which seems to have traumatized him ever since.

    After college, he formed a band. The band played both kinds of music--country and western. He named it (HE named it--not me!)The Texas Jewboys, whose repertoire included such classics as "They Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore" and "Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in bed." You may have heard these offered on the PBS fund raisers for the $500 level. His music career included a stint touring with Bob Dylan.

    He moved to a writing career that took off in the mid 1980s. He has authored seventeen mystery novels in which he is the main character, a private detective. He has written for Rolling Stone and Texas Monthly magazines. In the Texas Monthly, his anti-hunting piece (in Texas of all places!) resulted in the most hate mail and canceled subscriptions in the magazine's history. The publisher didn’t fire him saying that the publicity was worth it.

    In an early fray into politics, Friedman ran for justice of the peace with the slogan, "If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!" Even with that platform, he lost the election.

    Throughout his career he has expressed his views on life:

    • But if you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.
    • Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her.
    • I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.
    • I'd be a Buddhist if it weren't for Richard Gere.
    • On the whole, I preferred cats to women because cats seldom if ever used the word "relationship".
    • If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.
    • Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged Wasps have to dress up like a pimp.
    • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

    President Bush invited Friedman to spend the night at the White House. Before going Friedman emailed the president: "I have four women, four editors, and four dogs. Can I bring them all?" Bush replied, "Just the dogs." After the visit, Friedman said, "I didn’t sleep in the Lincoln bedroom, but I did give George W. a Cuban cigar. He looked shocked, but I told him that we weren’t supporting the Cuban economy, we were burning their fields. George W. smoked the cigar."

    Friedman is dead serious in his bid to be governor. He hired the campaign manager that helped Jesse Ventura win the governor's seat in Minnesota. His slogan is "Why the Hell Not?" Considering alternatives, it's hard to argue with that.

    Education is the biggest part of his platform, and he would pay for it by legalizing casino gambling. He's not against the death penalty but is against innocent people being executed, which spoils half the fun in Texas. On outlawing gay marriage he says, "I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us."

    Kinky Friedman is neither a Republican nor a Democrat, but the Republicans are pushing him to join the Democrats.

    Posted by GM Roper at 11:40 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

    May 16, 2005

    Bush leads Warriors over Sand Devils

    I know that the war in Iraq is very serious, but let's take a time out to consider how a friend thinks that President Bush could better handle the PR side of it.

    I was telling Del about Bush visiting Auburn University a couple of years ago. Bush started the speech with a big "War Eagle!," which is battle cry of the school's athletic teams. Of course, with that on film, guess what the athletic department now shows on the big matrix screen before the start of every game. It's almost enough to make an Alabama fan vote Democratic--but only almost.

    This made Del think about how Bush could use sports concepts to increase public support--particularly for our mission in Iraq. Here's what he had to say. Keep in mind this is from Del, and not me. He's the weird one.

    Maybe Bush's foreign policy would be more popular if he'd only thought to assign mascot names to the various countries. You know, like Iraq could be the "Sand Devils" and then we could be the--well, "War Eagles" actually would work, or maybe "Warrior Eagles." Journalists would be instructed to use sports metaphor. Instead of "A convoy squadron sustained heavy casualties today," we would hear, "Whoa, Bob! The offensive line just fell apart on that last drive, no question about it. Ahmed saw an opening and he went for it! That was almost a turnover!" etc.

    Well, Del only saw the possibilities as it related to the military, and that makes sense seeing how football has field generals who attack opponents and drive into their territory with ground attacks and aerial assults. Particularly dangerous is the long bomb.

    If the sports tie-in could be expanded so that I could get my news from ESPN or Turner Sports, then I could stay current on events and the baseball standings at the same time. We could have color commentaries by fun-loving guys like Dick Cheney or Donald Rumsfeld cutting up with each other. I'd replace Bill Schneider with Charles Barkley, whose quotes are memorable and smarter.

    Of course, though, we would have to keep the traditional media. Someone has to stick around to tell liberals what they want to hear.

    Did I tell you that I have weird friends? Go blame them for this.

    Posted by GM Roper at 05:20 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    May 15, 2005

    Democratic Wheels

    Did you survive this weekend's talk shows of Democrats and liberal commentators? As I listened to them, they brought to mind those "street cars" with fancy chrome or mag wheel rims that keep spinning and spinning around when the car is at a full stop! You've seen them stopped at lights. Cool, huh?

    Well, those are Democratic Wheels. Just like the party, they keep spinning and spinning with no forward motion. They look great doing it, though.

    In addition, the Democrats want to sell me, but as with those wheels--I'll look, but I'm not buying.

    The Democrats, not content with nothing to offer, don't want anyone else to move forward either. Maybe we could offer another road symbol to represent them--a barricade. I hope that the Republicans can break through them without going nuclear.

    In the meantime, I'll admire their illusions of motion.

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    May 13, 2005

    My First Day on the Job

    When GM first asked me to fill in for him, I was hesitant, seeing how he has such high standards and sophisticated readers. GM said, "Don't worry. Why, you'll make ME look great!" I think that was a compliment, but GM wanted to clinch the deal, so he let me in on an inside secret. Here it is. Don't tell others.

    Chicks really dig bloggers and there's LOTS of money in it!

    That did it and I'm in! Let the good times roll!

    Now, this is new territory, so work with me until GM returns. It may be like what my grandfather told me after I hit a golf ball in the lake after I came out of a sand trap after I punched out of the rough after a bad slice off the tee--"Bad shots make you appreciate the good ones." By the end of ten days you may appreciate GM a lot!

    Did you notice that GM turned this over to me on Friday the 13th? I'm not superstitious, so what could go worng?

    Let me share what I admired about this site and why I was happy that GM asked me to help him. GM has adopted honest standards. He also happens to be conservative. In addition, he explains that our different experiences may make one person's "truth" vary from that of another person--thus, encouraging people to share ideas without judging. Let's try our best to maintain these standards and openness. The only thing that I would add is that, if my truth is conservative, then it's probably right. Right?

    Now, it's my deep felt belief that sites such as this get their real value, not from the hosts, but from the input of readers and their exchange of information and thoughts. This belief is sincere and that is why I want to encourage your participation and comments. Everyone and every idea is welcome and has value. Liberals are especially encouraged. I think that we can learn from each other, maybe change some minds, and all of us have some fun in the process. In either case, let's keep it clean and positive. My mother may be reading this and she thinks I'm perfect.

    Now, some good news. I have great ideas for this week, such as a line-up of PRIZES including: Free gas! Baseball tickets! Bowling with GM! The possibilities are staggering. Seeming concerned, GM wanted to know who was going to pay for all of this. At first I thought, "Well, what about all that money you said that we'd make?" Then I got it. I said, "Well, who pays for anything that's free? We'll get the government to pay for it!" My congressman promised that he would put this on his list right after saving social security, so it might take a few days.

    Now, to warn you in advance, some of the posts will be serious and others not so serious. I only hope that you can tell the difference. Consider my two posts below this one. The first person to actually guess which one is the serious post will be declared the winner! Now, I know this will be harder for liberals to analyze, so I'll be patient and may award extra affirmative action credits.

    Take out your No. 2 pencils, break the seal, and let' start. Oh yeah...and, thanks for chipping in!

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:30 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

    Sports and Politics

    I often see connections between sports and politics. Politicians see this, too, and play on it. For instance, they attend sports events and have photo-ops with teams that win championships. President Bush attended the Daytona 500 for the NASCAR dads, while Kerry went snowboarding and cycling for....for, I have no idea, but he looked real cool. Kerry also posed with the Boston Red Sox after they won the World Series, but that ended after the winning pitcher Curt Schilling backed Bush. But, you can tell more about politicians from a baseball perspective.

    Did you see President Bush throw out the first pitch at RFK for the Washington Nationals last month? Great throw over the plate (maybe a little high, but it’s harder with that protective vest he has to wear.) Just like his agenda, you knew that he could put it across. In contrast, did you see the clip of John Kerry throwing a baseball when he was running for President? If his pitches are like his campaign and his friends at MoveOn, then they are far to the left and in the dirt. Also, he threw like a girl. Maybe that impresses Jane Fonda, but not me.

    Men can look at how someone throws and instantly know who will get his vote. In fact, we could quit worrying about problems with voting—confusing machines and instructions, long lines, required identification, going to the wrong polling place, and explaining how dead people voted solid for Democrats and in alphabetical order. (Of course, all those are just problems for the Democrats. Smart people don’t have those same issues.) To get around this and put in a new way to pick presidents, let’s just have the candidates go to the pitcher’s mound and show us what they can do.

    Here’s how it works. You get one pitch for each state with a red ball for the tie-breaker. (You can’t have one ball per electoral vote because that exceeds the allowable pitch count unless you allow the Vice Presidents to step in as relievers and a judge to be the closer.) Getting back, whoever gets the most strikes wins! I’ve looked back over the elections and the candidates. This method would have gotten the same result for each election over the last fifty years--except when limp-wristed Jimmy Carter was elected. In that case, the baseball method would have proven to work better and would have saved this country four years of agony. Do you think some activist judge could re-interpret the Constitution to get this change?

    Let’s hope it’s in place by the time Hillary runs for president in 2008. The Republicans could run Curt Schilling against her.

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    May 11, 2005

    Hillary Visits An Elementary School

    Gleefully stolen from David at Third World County And, while you are at it, go take a look at Third World County, it's a great site, lots of good reading and an eye pleasing design.
    Like David, I have no Idea At All if this story is true or not, but it could be. It could be!

    So, like, Hillary Clinton goes to an elementary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

    One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.


    "And what is your question, Kenneth?"

    "I have three questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

    Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

    And, Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

    Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

    A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.


    "And what is your question, Larry?"

    "I have five questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

    Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

    Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

    Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

    And, Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?

    Posted by GM Roper at 03:43 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (1)

    Shoot Out At The OK Corral

    I have a confession to make. One of the reasons I started this blog was to verbalize my rather conservative political thoughts. I was encouraged in this by Marc Cooper, a rather progressive, individual who writes a really good blog at Marc Cooper.com Now, Marc is a liberal and there is no mistaking his intent in his political commentary. It is a mark of his professionalism and kindness that when I first thought about blogging he was encouraging, encouraging, encouraging!!! Too, he didn't let my politics interfere with his advice to me regarding selection of hosts, blogging programs, costs etc. He couldn't possibly have been more helpful if he tried.

    When I started my blog, he was gracious enough to put it on his "front page" and encourage his readers to check me out. that was in November, and since then I have had a small amount of success with over 6000 visitors, 10,000 page views, 275 referring URL's, and links from 260+ blogs/sites.

    Marc recently reviewed Arianna Huffington's new groupblog and did a terrific job (as he usually does) giving both good and bad points. Marc also noted that a fellow LA Weekly writer, one Nikki Finke disagreed with his POV and wrote a fairly nasty post regarding Huffington. Well, Ms. Finke responded with a caterwauling that wasn't to be believed and Marc, with his usual aplomb and verve posted her e-mail to him on his "front page" leaving the reader no doubt as to what he thought about it. The resulting catfight/shoot out in the comments section is absolutely the most fun I've had in a few days of having a lot of fun. Go, read, comment and tell Marc GM sent you. You won't regret it.

    Posted by GM Roper at 11:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    Seipp vs. O'Donnell

    One of the first things I do every morning is check in with Chris Muir's comic Day By Day If you aren't familiar with this comic, you haven't been browsing the blogs/internet very long, or you just haven't been very lucky. It is an absolute joy to read every day (unless you perhaps are a curmudgeonly liberal type). Today's comic is no different, but I wasn't sure what the reference was regarding the inestimably delightful Cathy Seipp who writes in Cathy's World. Here is Chris Muir's comic for today:
    05-11-2005.gif Cathy Seipp's take on the whole episode is a delightful read and she skewers the bombastic (though talented) O'Donnell with the precision of a laser aimed at a tiny dot; and the dot (O'Donnell) goes poof in a tiny puff of smoke, rapidly dissipating in the wind. Heh! Go Cathy!!! Go Chris!!!

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:55 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    May 10, 2005

    Who's On First - Abbott and Costello Revisited

    "Who's On First" revised for the computer world....

    Posted by GM Roper at 06:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    May 09, 2005

    A Little Religious Humor II

    Sent to me by my wife's Aunt.

    There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

    "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

    "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.


    "Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.

    There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning,Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."


    A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

    When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."


    There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."


    While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign . . .

    Energy efficient vehicle
    Runs on oats and grass
    Caution: Do not step in exhaust


    A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?

    A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
    "Really? How do you! know?" the teacher asked.
    "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

    "And his first name is Howard," said a little girl.
    "How do you know that?" the teacher asked
    "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven, Howard be thy name!"


    A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
    "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."

    The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."


    People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.


    A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
    His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
    The son replied, "I do know!"
    "Okay, said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?"
    "That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"


    Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

    The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
    Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.

    Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
    He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."


    The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
    Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

    During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

    At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!


    Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
    Give me the grace to see a joke,
    To get some humor out of life,
    And pass it on to other folk.

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:22 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    A Little Religious Humor

    Sent to me by my beloved Uncle!

    Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
    A. Ruthless.

    Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
    A. German Shepherds.

    Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
    A Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else
    was in liquidation.

    Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
    A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of
    the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

    Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
    A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a
    Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
    Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all
    in one Accord.

    Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
    A. Samson. He brought the house down.

    Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why
    he no longer lived in Eden?
    A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

    Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant
    lawbreaker in the Bible?
    A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

    Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
    A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always
    overflowing .

    Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the
    A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

    Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
    A. Joshua, son of Nun.

    Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
    A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groannn...)

    PS..Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make
    coffee? Yup, it's in the Bible. It says; "Hebrews"

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:18 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    May 07, 2005

    King of the Blogs

    I'm the currently reigning (Notice Ogre, that I know how to spell REIGN?) King of the Blogs, otherwise known as KotB.

    In fact, my REIGN has set a record as this is usually a weekly contest and each "King" is limited to a maximum of three wins in a row which establishes that "King's" REIGN as a Dynasty and the "King" gets to put up a sign on their blog like so:

    Now my very good friend OGRE over at Ogre's Politics and Views suspects that something nefarious may be going on and I may be plotting to keep the Commissioner of the King of the Blogs occupied so that the Commish can't pay attention to the business of finding a new kingly visage to crown.

    Would that I was so Machiavellian. Actually, poor old Niccolo Machiavelli is greatly misunderstood (Misunderestimated too....ed.) and those that castigate Niccolo don't really know their history.

    Be that as it may, I would love for Nick Queen, the Commish and others to find a replacement as REIGNING Monarch because as a conservative Republican, this monarchy stuff just isn't my cup of tea. Let alone my cup of coffee, hot apple cider or grog for that matter.

    On the other hand, "It's Good To Be The King"

    Posted by GM Roper at 04:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)


    Daisy Cutter threatens to go "NUKULER" and his lefty friends (They Know Who THEY Are) are all a-titter with anticipation.

    Go Read, laugh, enjoy!

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:22 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    May 06, 2005

    5 Lost Hours

    I just got home from 5 hours in the dentists chair having a root canal, a tooth pulled and fitted for a permanent bridge. I'm not in pain yet, and I probably won't be though I may ache for a while, my dentist is very very good.

    Instructions: Don't...don't smoke, don't chew anything sticky, don't drink except with a straw, don't take asprin or anything else that thins blood, don't ... Oh well, the alternative to all this work would be something else. Five hours in a chair, and an afternoon of being uncomfortable perhaps or recurrent toothache and the possibility of severe abcess... good trade off if you ask me. But, 5 hours? Lost forever; down the drain, spilt milk, water under the bridge and all that.

    On the other hand, I asked the boss (me) if I could take the day off and he (me again) said "Of course!" So I am.


    Posted by GM Roper at 01:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    May 05, 2005

    Cinco de Mayo

    Skip Caray on the Braves game last night came up with an interesting observation. He said, "Did you notice that Cinco de Mayo is always celebrated in early May?" With brilliant comments like that, we're going to send him to the Cubs to to fill in where his father, Harry Caray, left off.

    Speaking of Caray-like comments, did you notice that today's date is 5-5-5? Well, if you missed it, you can wait until next year when we have 6-6-6. But, I don't think a date with 666 would be a good day for National Day of Prayer.

    (That was it. Why are you looking down here?)

    Posted by GM Roper at 01:45 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    May 04, 2005

    Identity Theft

    Let's take this opportunity to warn our readers about identity theft. It can happen to anyone.

    An Arizona man stole Bush's identity, used it to buy electronic goods, veto a bill, and meet with Mexican President Vicente Fox. Thank goodness he didn't get the nu-cular codes.

    Continue reading "Identity Theft"
    Posted by GM Roper at 11:26 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    May 02, 2005

    The Scream Recovered

    Van Helsing over at Moonbattery has discovered the whereabouts of Edvard Munch's "The Scream" which has been "missing" and was feared destroyed. Van Helsing is to be commended for his fine detective work and his service to society.

    Continue reading "The Scream Recovered"
    Posted by GM Roper at 01:23 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    May 01, 2005

    Attention Hungry, Nothing More

    Somebody should bend Jennifer Willbanks over their knee and whoop her butt, but good.

    What a juvenile.... stressed out my Aunt Fannie!!!!

    UPDATE: CrimProf Blog wonders if charges need to be filed for the hoax. On rethinking this issue, I wonder if the worry/heartbreak suffered by the family, the groom and the wedding guests, the hours of police work, the hours and hours of "news" reporting (let alone the hours and hours and hours of reporting regarding the resurfacing of this young "lady") and all the trouble she put everyone through doesn't deserve something more than a spanking? Go read the CrimProf's blog, it's an eye-opener.

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:46 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (2)

    April 24, 2005

    The Meaning Of The Medals

    A friend (HB over at Shades of Gray) sent me a photograph of a number of [UPDATED INFO] Chinese Peoples Republic of (North) Korea (As Tad noted in the comments that is two lies out of three) Generals VIP's(?) but with no caption as to what the medals stood for. Using Google and other resources, I was able to discern the true nature of the majority of the medals and I have noted them below and have indicated what they are as a public service.

    KORECTION: The Tienamen Square medal is actually crowd control at 4th And Rhee streets in Pyongyang. Following the brave correction of my friend Daisy Cutter below, I must confess my manifest errors and throw myself on the mercy of the blogosphere.
    Chinese Overlords.png

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:17 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    April 23, 2005

    Thought For Today


    hy does there always seem to be enough time to do things over, but never enough time to do them right in the first place?

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    Daisy Cutter Confesses

    If you read the corrections page at the NYTimes you will occasionally see them correct something fairly insignificant. You will rarely see them correct an error of importance.

    Daisy Cutter however, steps up to the plate and notes a significant "error" in ... well, I don't think he made an error in this posting. In fact, I'd say DC was on the money. The only real error I could discern is that the caption should have read:

    "Moby Teddy ... the Democrats' spiritual leader gets ready for a big sporting day."

    The photograph accompanying the caption was this one:


    Posted by GM Roper at 05:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (1)

    April 19, 2005

    Thought for Today

    The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

    Posted by GM Roper at 03:09 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    April 16, 2005

    Humor Break!

    Daffynitions as given by kids. You can tell where either the "look" of the word or the sound of the word threw the child off.

    ABORIGINES, a system of mountains.

    ALIAS, a good man in the Bible.

    AMENABLE, anything that is mean.

    AMMONIA, the food of the gods.

    ASSIDUITY, state of being an acid.

    AURIFEROUS, pertaining to an orifice.

    CAPILLARY, a little caterpillar.

    CORNIFEROUS, rocks in which fossil corn is found.

    EMOLUMENT, a headstone to a grave.

    EQUESTRIAN, one who asks questions.

    EUCHARIST, one who plays euchre.

    FRANCHISE, anything belonging to the French.

    IDOLATER, a very idle person.

    IPECAC, a man who likes a good dinner.

    IRRIGATE, to make fun of.

    MENDACIOUS, what can be mended.

    MERCENARY, one who feels for another.

    PARASITE, a kind of umbrella.

    PARASITE, the murder of an infant.

    PUBLICAN, a man who does his prayers in public.

    TENACIOUS, ten acres of land.

    Tip of the GM Chapeaux to English As She Is Taught

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)


    Tish of the World of Tish has performed a public service in describing the three levels of stink. She begins:

    "Maybe you aren't aware of the new federal regulations regarding foul odors. I think the legislation was sandwiched between a new tax on liposuction and cosmetic surgery, but I feel it is my civic duty to enlighten everyone to the new offensive aroma guidelines."
    She ends with:
    "We here at the Anti-Stank foundation hope that this information will assist you in making responsible decisions when it comes to exposing yourself or loved ones to potential life threatening aromas."

    In between is PURE FUNNY! SMELLY Actually, that probably should be PURE SMELLY FUNNY!!!!

    Thanks Tish for your public service.

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)

    April 15, 2005

    Opportunistically Pipelined Extensions

    There I was in Grad School, puzzling through what seemed journal after journal for a lengthy paper on Systematic Desensitization using journals from around the world for a course in Behavioral Therapy. I remember falling asleep night after night with phrases dancing in my head such as:

    "The model for our heuristic consists of four independent components: simulated annealing, active networks, flexible modalities, and the study of reinforcement learning" and "We implemented our scatter/gather I/O server in Simula-67, augmented with opportunistically pipelined extensions."
    The above was taken from a scientific article titled "Rooter: A Methodology for the Typical Unification of Access Points and Redundancy" accepted by the powers that be for presentation at the World Multi-Conference on Systemics, Cybernetics and Informatics (WMSCI), scheduled to be held July 10-13 in Orlando, Florida.

    No doubt the paper, submitted by Jeremy Stribling and two other MIT graduate students sounds learned, erudite, or even titillating to some. Unfortunately for the powers that be for the WMSCI, the paper is a total fake.

    The paper was generated by a computer program that generates "research papers complete with "context-free grammar," charts and diagrams." In other words, gobbledygook. Oh, wait, not in other words, in that word EXACTLY. Gobbledygook!!!

    Stribling and his co-conspirators believed (accurately it turns out) that the standards for papers called for by the powers that be for WMSCI seemed a little loose and left something to be desired. They used their program to cobble together a number of "papers" for submission and were surprised to find "Rooter" was accepted.

    This confirms what I have often thought, some folk are so in love with high powered words, that it really doesn't matter what the words mean or even imply.

    Good on you Mr. Stribling. You made me smile.

    A tip of the GM Chapeaux to Eugine Volokh.

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:12 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    April 14, 2005

    Men Are Just Happier!

    A friend sent me this, I'm only reporting so don't shoot the messenger.

    40 reasons men are happier people!

    1. No one expects much from such simple creatures.
    2. Your last name stays put.
    3. The garage is all yours.
    4. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    5. Chocolate is just another snack.
    6. You can be President.
    7. You can never be pregnant.
    8. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    9. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    10. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    11. The world is your urinal.
    12. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
    13. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    14. Same work, same pay.
    15. Wrinkles add character.
    16. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
    17. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
    18. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
    19. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    20. One mood all the time.
    21. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    22. You know stuff about tanks.
    23. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    24. You can open all your own jars.
    25. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    26. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
    27. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
    28. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    29. You almost never have strap problems in public.
    30. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    31. Everything on your face stays its original color.
    32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    33. You only have to shave your face and neck.
    34. You can play with toys all your life.
    35. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
    36. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
    37. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    38. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
    39. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    40. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)

    April 12, 2005

    Icon Wars

    Wanna know what your computer is doing when you aren't there to monitor your monitor? Icon has the answer Go and chuckle.

    Tip of the Chapeaux to HB at ShadesofGray

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:13 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    April 05, 2005

    Attention Moms and Dads

    cactus cuz.bmp
    Parents, Yes, YOU!!! Do You Want Your Child To Be Popular? Are You Tired Of Hanging A Pork Chop Around Junior's Neck So The Dog Will PLAY With Him? Getting Tired Of Seeing Your Daughter Stay Home Night after Night after Night and blending into the flowered WALL PAPER?

    Well, worry no more! GM-Rop-Co™ has recently patented the "Cactus Cuz(zin)©" for just your little tyke. After years of experimentation, millions of dollars of investment, GM-Rop-Co™ brings you the ultimate playmate/date/sitter... The Cactus Cuz©! Yes Mom, yes Dad, when your child has their very own CACTUS CUZ© they too will be popular. 'Cuz Cactus Cuz© goes everywhere your kiddo goes.

  • Bullies at school? Cactus Cuz© has one prickly personality that will do them in quick time.

  • Kid loses lunch money? Cactus Cuz© has pockets NO ONE wants to pick

  • Shy? Cactus Cuz© is the life of the party and his hue makes others Green with envy.
  • Worried that on a date your daughters escort may not be a perfect gentleman? Have NO FEAR, Cactus Cuz© is designed to be the perfect gentleman AT ALL TIMES and is loaded with phrases such as "Please," "Thank You," and the ever popular "It's time we headed for home."

    Yes parents, Cactus Cuz© can solve all of your problems with nary a turn of his extra fine hair (errr, uhhh, thorns!)

    Yes Mom and Dad Cactus Cuz© can solve almost ALL OF YOUR CHILD REARING WORRIES, why even the cute little tykes will be worried about misbehaving 'cause they don't want a whoopin with Cactus Cuz'© hands.

    Let us see what the person on the Street has to say about this AMAZING new companion:

    Announcer: "You Sir, can you spare a moment"
    Person: "Uh yeah, what do you want?"
    Announcer: "May I have your name please and what you do for a living?"
    Person: "My name's Ogre and when I'm not blogging, I beat trouble makers with my club."
    Announcer: "And what a fine club that is. Sir, you have watched Cactus Cuz© in action now for a few minutes, please tell us what you think."
    Ogre: "Looks to me like a cute kid... I don't need one, but there are a couple of kids in my neighborhood that I haven't et yet. They could probably use one."
    Announcer: "Thank you sir and may I remark what fine braided locks you have, and those muscles...and...and... are those RED SOX you are wearing? How Charming!"
    Ogre: "Mrs. Ogre accidentally put my YANKEE SOCKS in with the red towels and tell GM not to be making wise cracks about those Boston players or my beloved YANKEES."
    Announcer: "Uh, yes SIR, I'll tell him immediately."
    Ogre: "See that you do, I wouldn't want to have to lay my club upside the crown of his noggin."

    Yes Mom and Dad, Cactus Cuz© can help around the home too. Cactus Cuz© can do dishes, laundry, even clean out the attic and garage!

    Announcer: "Here is another passer by. Officer, can you help us a moment, please, just a moment?"
    Officer: "OK, but hurry up, I'm on my way to investigate a felonious pun."
    Announcer: "Of course, Sir, I just want to know what you think of Cactus Cuz© the new device brought out at great expense by GM-Rop-Co™?"
    Officer: It appears to be a little green prickly fellow. There is mud on it's shoe, on close examination it must be a bit of dirt from the infield at Fenway Park. Too, based on the color, the amount of sunlight it is getting is in perfect measure with the amount of moisture. Lastly, there is a bit of lint on the thorns of the left hand indicating that it brushed up to that Ogre guy."
    Announcer: "Officer, that is an incredible display of intuitiveness. How on earth did you figure all that out CORRECTLY I might add."
    Officer: "Easy, I'm the SmarterCop and like that fellow GM, a REAL RED SOX FAN. By the Way, did you know that GM had declared Baseball War against the (shudder-ugh) Yankees?"
    Announcer: "Well, Sherlock Holmes has nothing on you SIR!"

    Announcer: "Here comes a very attractive young lady. Ma'am may I have a moment of your time?"
    Lady (singing): "If I could put time in a bottle."
    Announcer: "Uhh, yes ma'am. Can you tell us who you are, what you do and what you think of our Cactus Cuz©?"
    Lady (singing): "I am Songstress, I blog, I love my Hubby-Head and I really don't know anything about the Cactus Cuz©."
    Announcer: Cactus Cuz© is the newest most complete and most wonderful of playmates for children to come along in decades."
    Songstress: "Well, Hubby-Head and I really have no need for a Cactus Cuz© because we are superlative people and we only have kitty daughters (SO FAR)."
    Announcer: "Uhhh, yes ma'am. But if you did have a child, could you see yourself with a Cactus Cuz©?"
    Songstress (singing): "Where are you going, my little one, little one. Where are you going...?"

    Announcer: "And there you have it ladies and gentlemen, Moms and Dads, Boys and Girls. Three individuals, each different, each praising (uhhh, yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it) Cactus Cuz©?" Be the FIRST on you block to have one. If you call today.... 1-800-555-1212, (repeat) 1-800-555-1212 we will send you your very own Cactus Cuz©? at a cost of only $9999.99 a discount of 2341%. Can you beat that? Of course not. Ask for our easy 30 day payment plan."

    "Until Next Time, this is Jon Cameroon Sway-zee saying 'So Long For Now'"

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:53 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (2)
  • Crystal Balls, The Future and Out On A Limb

    Bosox Fan.PNG
    Be sure you are right, the go ahead." Thus spake Fess Parker playing Davy Crockett as related by Buddy Epson. I remember watching the Davy Crockett show when I was a kid, had a "Coonskin Cap" too, complete with a picture of Fess Parker on the top. So, what does that have to do with "Crystal Balls, The Future and Out On A Limb"? Why, nothing, and everything! But you gotta admit, it's one hell of a terrific entry into what is upcoming in the Baseball wars. I am a RED SOX fan, with boundless enthusiasm for them fellers from Boston. Ogre over at Ogre's Politics and Views is, of course (Ogres being contrary and all) a (shudder) Yankees fan!

    Baseball war, yep, that's it. I'm declaring BASEBALL WAR on the nyyankees (I notice that you didn't capitalize that....ed.) So, here is the deal. After each Yankee/Red Sox game, I'll publish a final score and Games W/L. Lets see who is still standing in October.

    Game 1: 9-2 Yankees
    Yankees: Win-1 Lose-0
    Red Sox: Win-0 Lose-1

    Play Ball!

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    April 04, 2005

    King of the Blogs- Once More Into The Fray

    Once again I run for King of the Blogs. This will be the second time I have to defend my crown and believe me, the competition is TOUGH! It's a good thing I'm a calm and cool and collected Monarch, Otherwise I'd be sweating like crazy.

    This much is sure, I'll put my heart into the third time and with luck and the good graces of those wonderful, marvelous, intelligent and oh-so-witty judges Ogre, Songstress and Smarter Cop, I'll once
    again be crowned. Then I can retire and put dynasty.jpg on my side bar. Now, to help me get there, please go to the King of the Blogs site and on the left hand side you'll see a place to vote for me. Click on GM's Corner and go back every three or four hours and do it again (if you live in Chicago, this should be easy for you - kidding Chicagoans just kidding!) If you are a fellow blogger, please link to the KOTB page with a trackback and support me. The KotB page is here and the trackback code if you need to do it manually is: http://blog.mu.nu/cgi/mt-tb.cgi/73718

    Thanks for all of your support.
    George III, King of the Blogs

    Posted by GM Roper at 01:08 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    You'll Live To Be HOW OLD?

    A dear friend sent me this and neither he nor I can vouch for the science, but this is interesting: Longevity Calculator

    I'll make it to at least 77 but I plan to be 144 years old and killed by a jealous bridegroom. He'll have reason to be jealous too. ;-)

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:17 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    April 03, 2005


    birthday-cake.gifTis Ogre's birthday, the Eleventy-eleventh one to be precise and I George, King of the Blogs by grace of our Birthday Lad he who is the most Worthy of Worthies, the SmarterCop who is the Smartest of the Smart and the most Lovely of all Songstress, the most Enchanting of the Enchanted.

    Happy birthday Brute ;-)
    Now, go ravage a village and enjoy yourself.

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)

    April 02, 2005

    King of the Blogs - On Vacation


    His Royal Majesty, George III, Elected King of the Blogs for the 2nd time as decreed by the most Worthy of Worthies, the Smartest of the Smart and the most Enchanting of the Enchanted is ON VACATION TOO! Alas, but the world intruded with the deaths of two most wonderful people. Terri Schiavo and John Paul II.

    HRM George III felt the necessity to return to blogdom to write a post on the helpless and, having done so, surfed a while since he was there anyway.

    What did my royal eyes behold but Judge Ogre thinking that I am slacking off (the links are to posts completed since the last contest entrys had been submitted). Well, not to be out done, I had to prepare this little bit for a quick post.

    To that end, I make my Ogresburg Speech, written on the back of an envelope on my trainride to Ogresburg.

    Little more than however long ago it was our hero Nick brought forth, upon this continent, a new contest, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that "One blog should be King"

    Now we are engaged in a great contest of design and writing, testing whether that contest, or any contest so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle field of that contest. We have come to dedicate a portion of that contest as a tribute for those that judge that contest. This we may, in all propriety do. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow, this contest. The highly intelligent judges, who struggled here to pick a winner, have hallowed it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here; while it can never forget what they did here.

    It is rather for us, the contestants, to be dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that, from these honored judges we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here, gave the fullest and most complete sense of devotion to a cause, that of humor, and design, and suckinguptothejudges. So may it be that that contest of the bloggers by the bloggers and for the bloggers, shall not perish from the earth.

    Thus Speakith I, George III, by the grace of Ogre, Songstress and SmarterCop, King of the Blogs.

    Posted by GM Roper at 04:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    March 30, 2005

    King Of The Blogs Competition


    The wait is over, the points counted, the challenge question answered, the post and sites measured and against some exceptionally fine competition and for the second competition in a row, I've been selected King of the Blogs. I am deeply honored, especially given the competition.

    Tish from The World According To Tish was a particularly tough competetor and in fact, beat me solid in the readers poll. It was touch and go for a while, then she pulled ahead and stayed there. She has, from the comments section, some very loyal fans and that can only be good. Tish, if ya had to come in second, at least it was to a fellow Texan!

    New Trommeter Times by Jason Trommetter is also an excellently designed blog with lots to say. I've added both to my blogroll because when they were announced as my competition I went to take a look.

    OMGosh I thought, this is not going to be a cake walk, and sure enough; it wasn't.

    I want to thank each of the judges for their time and their effort at taking a close look at blogs each and every week and coming up with a grade for that blog. It can't be easy. The three are Ogre at Ogre's Politics and Views Songstress at News From The Great Beyond and last but certainly not least Pietro from SmarterCop

    Thanks also to Nick Queen of NickQueen.com, King of fools and of course Christweb

    Tough competition on both weeks has made me a better blogger I think, and a much better writer. Now, if I can only learn that linky-love stuff.....

    ADDENDUM: I plead extreme tiredness last night as I posted this at Oh-Dark-Thirty in the morning (After 1:00 AM.) There are some folks that I surely forgot to thank. Pat Santy at Dr.Sanity, HRM Jeremy Bol at American Warmonger, Teach at Pirate's Cove and all the terrific people who voted for me time and again. Because you all believed in me I was graced with friendship and I in turn extend it right back.

    Posted by GM Roper at 01:08 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

    March 29, 2005

    My Body Doesn't Act Like It Did When I was 25. Or 30! Or 40! Or Even 50!

    Mom used to call me Prince Rainier because she wanted me to “grow old with grace.” (You just dated yourself...ed. - One more time, YOU are Roger L. Simon's muse, why are you still here? Because you are more fun to pick on and Roger isn't any where near as funny...ed.) The reason this is important information is that I haven’t done so - grow old with grace that is. My body does not work the way it used to. I cannot any longer run a 6-minute mile, do 50 pushups, or play rugby for 6 hours straight. Of course, I never could do those things, but the truth remains that my body doesn’t work the way it did when I was young and in fairly decent shape.

    The only thing I’m pushing now is 60. Ok, Ok! So I’m only going to be 59 next this year. (Sept. 20th for those of you dying of curiosity AND for those of you who feel the need to save up for a really spectacular b-day present – hint, hint. Arent' you embarrassed to grovel for gifts like that?...ed.) The truth of the matter is that my body is going wrong in places I didn’t even know I had places. Ahh me, the heart is willing, the body faileth ( what's with the stilted language? "faileth?"...ed. - Hey, I’m still King, I can write anyway I want to. --- Would you get on with it?...ed. – Enough of the kibitzing knave of a muse)

    As I was saying before “ed.” interrupted, ummm, what was I saying? (You were saying the mind faileth…ed. – Grrrrr!) Oh, yes! The heart is willing but the body cooperate-ith not.

    Last month a friend of mine had surgery in Reynosa, Mexico and a call came in saying that she had a need for two pints of blood. Another friend and I hopped into my four wheeled motorized conveyance (you mean car?...ed) and drove the 10 miles to Mexico and straight over to the hospital. There, we saw our friend, rather pale and not looking too good. The hospital didn’t have her blood type on hand, but would send us over to the blood bank if we were willing to donate. We were.

    On arrival, the blood bank nurse told us that the doc ordered A+ blood and that our O+ wouldn’t do because of the type specified. I suggested that someone call the hospital and get an OK from the doc for O+, which they did (You mean to say you had a good Idea? I bet that came from someone else...ed.).

    Again, fates decreed that nothing was going to be easy. Of the two of us and a third friend who met us there, only I could give blood because of hypertension in the other two friends (You probably gave it to them...ed.). Now, many of you may not know this, but US cell phones don’t work all that well in Mexico. So, having failed to be able to call someone while INSIDE the blood bank I stepped outside to make the call. I tripped, I stumbled, I ran ahead of myself trying not to fall (don't forget to tell them you looked like a jerk...ed).

    Now, I’m sure that most of you have been in that predicament before, trying not to fall after a stumble or trip. But this was imperative. The street dropped down about 18 inches below the sidewalk and the cars were zooming by at a rapid clip. I wasn’t sure that a car would stop for the random gringo falling in front of it. So, I stuck my foot out and braced against the little curb sticking up over the sidewalk.

    ”SNAP” went the knee.

    “Are you OK?” Asked Tom, “I thought you were going over for sure.”

    “I’m all right,” I noted after checking out all my body parts. Knee - still bends, no pain; foot - still flexes, ankle ok; mental status-whoops, highly embarrassed (Who are you kidding, anyone that writes a blog can't be embarrassed by anything at any time...ed - I'm calling Roger!).

    The next day on the other hand was a wowser. The knee was stiff, sore and difficult to walk on. “Just a mild sprain,” I thought. Not even much swelling.

    When, two weeks later I was still limping I thought it time to see Doc C our family doc (Way to go Einstein...ed.). He listened to the grinding sound in the knee, he poked, he prodded, he twisted and he watched my grimacing. “Does it hurt when I push here?”

    “Arrrrrggggggghhhhh,” I replied with a tiny bit of moisture in my eye. (More like a tablespoon of tears…ed - hush, you’ll embarrass me...We've been over that before...ed.) So, I got sent for an MRI, instructions to stay off my feet and to use crutches. (How does one use crutches when one is staying off of one’s feet?) and "Take these," he said, thrusting free samples in my direction.

    Over at the hospital getting my leg and lower torso crammed into the MRI Tube I listened as the MRI made sounds like it was stripping a gear. Aren’t X-Rays supposed to be silent (Knowing that an MRI is not an X-Ray and that the sound is the sound of the magnets turning off and on...ed.)?

    I got up and asked the tech what it looked like. I looked and because I have seen lots and lots of x-rays (usually my own) and being the nosey type always ask what this or that means and docs usually are willing to share their highly honed medical skills I said “Small tear in the meniscus, fluid build up in the joint and maybe the beginnings of arthritis.” The tech kindly looked at me and said, in the ("What, you think I’m going to diagnose and get my young butt in trouble?") voice said, you’ll really have to wait for the Doctor to read it. The report will be available tomorrow. Now, you may be wondering why would a licensed counselor be seeing X-rays let alone a lot of them. Well, you see, I'm kinda clumsy. Did I mention that? (No, you didn't MENTION that, but we can read between the lines...ed. - Oh go away!)

    Sure enough, the next day the report came in and I was back at Dr. C’s office. “It looks like you have a torn meniscus, you have some fluid building up in the joint and the beginnings of arthritis,” said the thoroughly medically trained Doc. “Keep on the pills, stay on the crutches.”

    New Appointment with an Orthopedic Surgeon for five days away. Now, I’m as resilient as the next guy, but I’m anxious about possibly having surgery, my knee hurts and now my armpits are sore as hell from the crutches. I’m beginning to think of going up to Detroit to see General Motors. After all, they do advertise "Bodies by Fisher" and I could sure use a functioning body.

    Good news, the Surgeon doesn’t ”think” I need surgery, pain killers – yes, physical therapy – yes, surgery – no! As I kind of twitch getting up off of the gurney like thingy the doc said “Was that your knee?”

    “No” I said, “I’ve developed a sore spot on my right buttock, like a strained muscle.” (You've sure often enough given us a pain in the "buttock"...ed.)

    “That’s probably what it really is. Soreness from compensating with your muscles on your right side has made your gluteus sore.”

    Great, sore knee, sore armpits and now a sore butt. That’s the last time I volunteer to go to Mexico to give blood, the cost is just too high! Oh, and my friend who needed blood? She was out dancing in a week. My body just doesn’t act like it did when I was 25.

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:30 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (2)

    March 27, 2005

    Just A Thought

    Why is it that there always seems to be enough time to do something OVER, but never enough time to do it right in the first place?

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:01 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    March 23, 2005

    The Streets of Laredo (Revised)

    Ogre over at Ogre's Politics and Views has a post up about the roads of North Carolina. He's upset about the condition of the roads in general and the ability of favored constituents to get services that no one else is eligible for.

    I've driven in NC, you are simultaneously right, and you don't know how good you have it. Here in Texas, home of the fabled "Streets of Laredo" they have changed the song because of the miserable condition of the streets of laredo .... maestro, if you please:

    (Singing - you know the tune - and Marty Robins, forgive me where ever you are!)

    As you walked down in the Streets of Laredo
    As you walked down in Laredo one day
    You tripped and fell because of a pothole
    and in the street now do you lay.

    I see where you lay that you are a victim
    I see where you lay you are all black and blue
    I see where you lay that you are a victim
    Cowboy I tripped and have laid down there too.

    Its true that I'm a victim said the young cowboy
    Its true that I'm a victim as I lay here alone
    but you may think I just stumbled over that pothole
    But I really just tripped while dialing my phone

    I don't think I'm going to sing anymore,
    The cowboys of Laredo are throwing some bricks
    I don't think I'm going to sing anymore,
    No sense in entertaining those hicks.

    Ok, so its bad poetry...I'm in competition for King of the Blogs and every bit of linkystuff to the judges helps.

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)

    Headlines from the year 2029

    A reportedly good friend sent these to me today and being the oddball that I am, I decided to post them. These are NOT my creations, I merely report, you deride.

  • Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
  • Caucasian minority still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
  • Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.
  • Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
  • Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
  • France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
  • Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
  • George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
  • Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only if date is an odd number.
  • 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
  • Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
  • National Institute of Standards and Weights have determined that an official millisecond is the length of time between the light at the intersection turning green and the idiot behind you honking his horn.
  • Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
  • Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
  • Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
  • New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
  • Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
  • Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
  • IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
  • Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:16 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
  • March 22, 2005

    Grand Theft - Gnome

    I never thought I'd see the day when Nick Queen of King Of The Blogs Fame (Hey,I'm the current Monarch - All Hail Me!) would steal a Gnome from a friend no less. But the evidence is incontrovertable. He admits it on his blog. Now, in the interests of making sure that Nick doesn't overly pay for the crime of Grand Theft Gnome, I've taken the liberty of cloning the Gnome without the use of Stem Cells (a secret I'm not willing to divulge at this time) and placed him at the bottom of my blogg rolling stuff. There he can safely reside while I tour Texas with him. And As proof that I've really rescued him. Here he is:


    "Free the Internet Gnomery"

    In the Interests of Keeping Gnomes Free, Please Copy and Paste the Gnome on your Blog ... Spread the Word.... "Free The Internet Gnomery"

    Update: Apparantly Ogre at Ogre's Politics and Views had the same idea as I did but just a few minutes apart..... hmmmmm? Great Minds Think Alike? (yes, that was cajolery)

    Another Update: Jeremy at American Warmonger Stole my Gnome and took him out for a colorization. Ordinarily, I would consider this an affront but as Jeremy once noted, flattery is the most sincere form of flattery. Or something like that. At any rate, he was able to get Gnome fellow into a beauty shoppe and habadasher's but didn't check up on all of his Gnomery History. Had he done that, he would note that Gnomes Hats are ALWAYS RED and their beards are ALWAYS WHITE! It's the Law!!!!! Jeremy even has a photograph of our Gnome's older (alcoholic) brother Bartholomew pasted below our Gnome. Sigh, the depths that some bloggers will sink to.

    Another Update: Songstress of News From the Great Beyond is also in possession of a stolen Gnome, but the plain kind, not the colorized version. Seems, our intreped Gnome is really getting around.

    Another Update: Smiling Dynamite apparantly stole Gnaughty Gnome. Is it possibly Fred's sister? There is a resemblence. At anyrate, Gnaughty was rather disheveled wearing tacky heels and needed a bath. I provided both and from the photos of before and after, you decide if she looks all that Gnaughty.
    Here she is before: Gnaughty Gnome.jpg

    Gnaughty Gnome 2.png
    And here she is after:

    I report, you deride.

    Posted by GM Roper at 01:52 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (3)

    March 16, 2005

    Lefties need not play - They ARE the game

    This is from Sean Gleeson's blog and is a lot of fun. Come to think of it, the Moonbat robot makes MUCH MORE SENSE than do many on the far, far left.

    Posted by GM Roper at 01:05 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (1)

    The REAL Great Race

    Voting has begun and right now, I'm lagging behind which is not a position I'm enjoying. There is something however that you can do to help. Go here and vote for my blog. This is important folks. Oh, not as important as perhaps as whether John Kerry actually believed he had "A Plan for __________" (you fill in the blank here), and not perhaps as important as how many corpses voted in the Washington State Governor's race, but important enough, more important than a $10.00 shoe shine (except perhaps to the person giving you the shine).

    This is a tough race, right now I'm looking at the east facing end of a west running horse and I want to be the front runner. Nay (no pun intended) I NEED to be the front runner.

    I'm asking, begging, and willing to bribe you to go here and vote for GM's Corner.

    Alternately, you could go here or here Where-ever you choose to go, do so NOW and vote for moi, yours truly, your humble servant, your guide to all things witty and charming. Did I mention Humble? No? Well, only humility prevents me from saying how humble I really am. No, Really!!!!

    Posted by GM Roper at 12:23 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    Queen, Freud And Baghdad Bob

    Tis Friday and dinner must be just right. Why dinner? Well, because I must eat and I must eat in stimulating company. Tonight I’ve invited three guests to dinner and I will share with you the text and scope of our discussion. Why again you might ask? Because dear reader, if I offer you the tidbits of stimulating conversation, among those who are most conversant in my field or in their fields, or perhaps in your field, then you might, just might mind you, have your consciousness expanded. Oh, that won’t affect your waistline my friend, just your consciousness.

    Our first guest is none other than the Host, originator and magnificently intellectually endowed Nick Queen of Patriot Paradox. Nick of course hangs out with others who are equally intellectually endowed including the brilliant MRober at Ogres Politics and Views and the charming Songstress7 of News from The Great Beyond and last, but definately not least the terrific Peitro from The Smarter Cop

    But, I digress, I’ve invited Nick for a couple of reasons, first, because he is the real Boss, and second, because I’m an obsequious fawner who just can’t resist telling Nick how illustrious he is and how happy I am to be in the running for King of the Blogs.

    Our Second guest is none other than that world renown auteur of popular profundity and practical philosophy regarding war and its fighting, the ever enlightening Baghdad Bob. BB (as he is known to those of us in the know) was invited for his stimulating Queen’s (no, not Nick Queen) English in explaining the many concepts of invading a peaceful kingdom, raping and pillaging as you go, but ultimately being repulsed by the artful denizens of the peaceful kingdom.

    Our final and especially invited guest is none other than that Paragon of Pundrity, my former student Sigmund Freud (you wouldn't believe how long I've been doing this - psychotherapy that is). Sigmund was actually chosen not because he is a former student, but rather because I wanted his evaluation of the current situation in the world and to see if his evaluation of BB is the same as mine.

    These three guests were all sent invitations weeks and weeks ago long before even I knew that I would be participating in this contest. How is that possible you ask? Well, dear reader, anything is possible in blogdom, just as you are reading about this FUTURE dinner in the here and now.

    Again, I digress. The table is set, drinks are ready in the solarium (I always wanted to use that word) and the chefs from the CIA are putting the final garnish on the soon to be served meal. No, no, no - not that CIA, I'm referring to the Culinary Institute of America in New York, home to many of the Cordon Bleu chefs inhabiting some of the finest restaurants in the world. No expense was spared for this dinner - even if the expense was entirely in virtual dollars.

    First to arrive is BB. Dressed in fetching fatigues found only in the best of shops, BB enters my abode (for those of you educationally challenged that means house), doffs his beret and states "There are no Americans here. None! If there were, I'd tell you true and we would roast their stomachs in the fires of hell."

    "Good entry BB" I think to myself.

    Siggy (as those of us who know him best call the Herr Doktor Freud) comes in immediately following, dressed as befits a man-about-town in a heavy wool outfit complete with vest, tie, and fedora. He trails of course a cloud of smoke from one of his many cigars consumed that day or any other day. Siggy walks immediately to the bar and orders a 7% solution of Gin and Tonic (the tonic was the 7% - Siggy likes his booze). Siggy looks at BB and remarks "Herr BB, you're uttering profound untruths und it makes me think that you secretly wanted to marry your mother, a classic case of the Oedipal Complex." BB of course being less well educated and not understanding the reference states "The Kraut's have arrived." To which Siggy replies "I'm Austrian, but I'll let that pass for the nonce." BB, not knowing what the "nonce" means either just sits there; silent for once.

    Wanting to stop the argument before it really has a chance to start, I bring out the cocktail peanuts and shove a few in BB's direction.

    Ahh, I see our third guest, Nick Queen has arrived. (I can tell because his arrival causes a glow of light to diffuse around us all, bathing us with joy in his presence.

    Nick is nattily attired in his nativist best consisting of light cotton shirt and slacks, suitable for travel, casual dining and impressing the heck out of all that see him. (Polo Shirt and Jeans but what the heck, I'm into the flattery at the moment.)

    Nick notes "I'm the designated driver this evening, so I won't be drinking and besides I'll need my wits about me if I'm to bandy profundities in this crowd." Of course, we all applaud and cheer this pronouncement.

    Nick sits with a tall glass of ginger ale and begins the evening's conversation. "I'd like to share with all of you my thoughts about why the judges that were picked for the King of the Blogs competition were picked." (Applause inserted here)

    "First of all," he said, "I picked MRober from Ogre because he is not only brilliant at judging contests like these, but he is also willing to use that club he carries. Further, though he uses the club only to defend the American Way, he has this certain Irish waif appearance."

    Of course, knowing the beauty of MRober's visage (View image) we readily agreed (we're not stupid you know.) Nick also said he picked Peitro from Smarter Cop certainly not from his visage, but from his staunch conservatism (read - highly intelligent) and smarts as depicted in his Einsteinein choice of Blogopoly game pieces (View image)

    "Lastly (saving the best for last of course), I picked Songstress7 for her beauty, intelligence, forthrightness and charm. If you don't believe me, look here and be jealous of her soul mate (View image)."

    BB, tired of not being the center of attention, remarked "Faltering forces of infidels cannot just enter a country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them! They are the ones who will find themselves under siege. Therefore, in reality whatever this miserable Rumsfeld has been saying, he was talking about his own forces. Now even the American command is under siege." To which Siggy remarked "Ach, Herr BB, zoze American's you disparage have already beaten the henchmen of der Fuhrer I mean der Saddam und haff captured him hiding in a hole in ze ground."

    Looking totally non-plussed (would that be like minus? - ed. -- Would you hush, you're Roger Simon's muse, not mine!) BB rejoined with "Just look carefully, I only want you to look carefully. Do not repeat the lies of liars. Do not become like them. Once again, I blame Al-Jazeera before it ascertains what takes place. Please, make sure of what you say and do not play such a role."

    I just looked at BB and wondered what on earth was I thinking of when I invited him to dine. Nick then capped off the evening with the best rejoinder of all, "BB, you obviously are the product of improper toilet training." To which Siggy replied "Ach, zat ist zo."

    The rest of the evening went with more elevated and fanciful conversation, except for the phone call from American Warmonger during dessert, which of course I put on the speakerphone for all to hear. "George," said Jeremy "having had the persicapacity to go into the future and read what you would be writing for the "question" I can tell you here and now that your blog is the only one worthy of following in my footsteps. Therefore, by the power vested in me as a three times crowned King of the Blogs, I pass my Crown to you regardless of what the judges judge."

    "Why thanks Mr. Bol," said I, "I'm deeply honored that you would think enough of this entry to take the time and effort to go into the future and make this pronouncement."

    "Only one American Infidel gets it right." said BB.

    "In the fullness of quality mental health and in the interest of passing from this sphere into the next I agree." said Siggy. Of course, many have had trouble figuring out what the heck the Good Herr Doktor means when he makes such statements.

    "Do you have any Tumms?" said Nick.

    Post Script: I have had fun with this contest, perhaps more fun than one is truly allowed on this earth. My best to the other contestants even though they don't deserve the crown and I do, and my best to the judges for their efforts, and of course to Nick, for bringing a needed bit of levity to the blogosphere which sometimes is far too serious. G'night!

    Posted by GM Roper at 08:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (3)

    March 14, 2005


    Hello to all my adoring fans out there (all three of you) and to the many other regular readers as well. I'm running for "KING OF THE BLOGS" and I need your VOTE so go HERE and vote (look slightly down on the left side margin). If you have access to a number of computers with different IP addresses, vote more than once, and don't worry, Democrats have been doing it for years. If you know any Dead People get them to vote too. If you don't know how to get dead people to the polls, send an email to Richard M. "TrickyDick" Daley-Mayor@Chi-Town.org. The Daley's have been doing it almost daily for decades and I'm sure Hizzoner would be willing to share the secrets of Dead Men Voting.

    Currently, his Royal Majesty, Cling of the Blogs (well, he has had it for several weeks now) is American Warmonger, ahhh, but me, I'm a descendent (in thought if not in biology) of Machiavelli and I'm plotting His Royal Majesty's overthrow to become the new King Of The Blogs. In fact, i deserve the title if for no other reason than I'm the third George in my family and that would make me...... Tadaaaaaa (drum roll please Maestro) George The Third (King George III) Nice ring to it don't you think. Although, I think some other King may have had the same name....

    This contest was started a couple of years ago by the redoubtable Nick Queen of Patriot Paradox, he of the mighty vision, he of the terrible insight, he of the hearty heartburn.

    This contest is all in fun, with good natured ribbing and delightful prose - if written by me. If not, its merely prosaic prose precisely if not politely pundited. So Vote for ME, GEORGE III the new and future King, for if you don't, the fleas of a million camels or some other such grungy mammal will infest your armpits.

    UPDATE: The magnificent judges include: The brilliant MRober at Ogres Politics and Views and the charming Songstress7 of News from The Great Beyond and last, but definately not least the terrific Peitro from The Smarter Cop

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:32 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    March 12, 2005

    The Third Annual International Eat an Animal for PETA Day


    The 15th of March is the official Eat an Animal for PETA Day. I got the link from Crossing The Rubicon 2 and it appears on Meryl Yourish's blog here

    The Angry Cow gif above also reminded me of one of the funniest flash movies I've ever seen. I watched it so often that my wife started giving me the evil eye everytime. So, now, I load and play it only when she's not home. It's still funny... I'm surprised she doesn't think so. At any rate, here it is: Cows with Guns!

    And remember, cows MIGHT fight back.

    Posted by GM Roper at 11:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    March 09, 2005

    Victims of Pet Food Overdose

    There is a growing tragedy in the U.S., feeding pets too much of pet food, laden with chemicals. This inevitably produces the dreaded "Overdose" victim. Read on at your own risk.


    Continue reading "Victims of Pet Food Overdose"
    Posted by GM Roper at 06:09 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

    March 08, 2005

    Twins, Seperated At Birth!

    Tomorrow, Dan Rather "fades to black" & and takes his rain cloud with him.

    dan leaving.gif
    Perhaps, just perhaps, he is moving to DogPatch to join his long lost brother, Joe Btfsplk who, rumor has it has prepaired a warm (though quite wet) reception for his more famous but younger brother.

    Joe Btfsplk.jpg

    With gratitude to Cox & Forkum and Al Capp, for their humor, for their art, for the many years of pleasure both in my childhood, and in my old age. (well, not THAT old!)

    Posted by GM Roper at 07:24 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    March 03, 2005

    Fun with Illusions

    The following are all optical illusions. See how you "see" them.

    See the Baby?

    Posted by GM Roper at 02:28 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

    March 02, 2005

    Humor Time, Military Style

    The following are real, uproarously real

    AIM TOWARD THE ENEMY." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher



    "IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU." - Infantry Journal



    "TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS." - U.S. Army Ordnance


    -Infantry Journal





    Posted by GM Roper at 08:37 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

    February 26, 2005

    1000 Visits

    1000 unique visits. Not a HUGE milestone, but a milestone none the less. In only 26 days too. The 1000th visit on my new site occurred at 9:57 this morning, was a 25 minute visit and 4 page views. Who ever you are, thanks!

    (This does not count the old blogger site that I had for three months, and I only hit about 1500 visits that whole time. Having your own unique URL seems to help)

    At any rate, onward and upward, Look out Mr. Reynolds, here comes GM's Corner - although it'll take me a while to get up to the stratosphere where you are.

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    February 18, 2005

    Evidence of Fraud

    Early this morning, at about 0'Dark Thirty I was scanning some of my favorite blogs, including, as always, Dennis The Peasant. I found Dennis via Roger L. Simon's blog and linked to his site in my Newly Discovered Blogs section here.

    But, I digress; what caught my eye in Dennis' entry was a brief mention of Jimmy Carter being attacked by (Drum Roll Please Maestro) a KILLER RABBIT

    This, of course, triggered my sense of whimsy, a genetic defect, not of my own making, and certainly not my fault (I only said this because some liberals may be getting ready to blame me for the following). Again, I digress. At any rate, I remember the situation quite well, thinking at the time that President Carter knew he was in trouble politically, needed the help of the left wing of America for the upcoming election and was desperate to prove he was one of them. My evidence? Well, let us take a look at the image, preserved for posterity by none other than the Jimmy Carter Presidential Library. The library of course had no intention of "preserving evidence" of course.Evidence of Fraud.jpg

    My belief, again, is that Carter knew he was in trouble. Therefore a conspiracy was hatched to convince America that he (Carter) was (A)an environmentalist, (B) the founder and first member of PETAL (People for the Ethical Treatment of American Lefties) and maybe even PETA (Please, Eat The Animals). You have seen the Photo above, now let's look a little more closely.

    Here, you can see for yourself that the rabbit is swimming in a direction NOT "directly for the president" as was initially claimed, and despite some of the comments by insidious fascistic, slavering, knuckle dragging Neanderthal, right-wingers and he did NOT swing his paddle at the rabbit. In fact, if you look closely, you can see from the wake of the rabbit that it wasn't swimming towards the President at all.

    The Rabbit.jpg

    In point of fact, the claim by the carter camp was that the President was merely using his paddle to "splash water" at the rabbit to chase it away. But, as you can tell from the immediately above photo, the rabbit is so far away, swimming away from the President that "chase it away" doesn't even enter the "picture" (no pun intended - did too, ed.) Secondly, from this section of the photograph,

    the bobber.jpg

    you can plainly see that his bobber is still attached to his pole (usually by hooking the fishing hook to one of the rings at the base of the pole - inserted for the elucidation of any non fisher types reading this blog). Now, I don't know about you, but if he was "paddling out" to fish, his pole would be lying at the bottom of his boat while he paddled and his net wouldn't be dragging in the water. If, on the other hand, (OTOH in bloggerese) he was actually fishing, his bobber wouldn't be still hooked on to his pole.

    So, what does that leave us with? (1) This was a set up, to fool the American voter. (2) it was the most inept set up ever, except for perhaps the "18 minute" gap of the Watergate tapes, and (3) After the initial brouhaha, the "press" kind of clammed up about it, and it may have long remained a mystery until now. Now however it can now be revealed, "CASE CLOSED."

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:34 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

    February 17, 2005

    Humor Time

    A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I
    haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

    "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

    "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

    "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball,
    but I'm fine now."

    "Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your

    "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
    sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook.
    I'm fine, really."

    "What about that eye patch?"

    "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over.
    I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye."

    "You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an
    eye just from some bird poop!"

    "It was my first day with the hook."

    Posted by GM Roper at 10:29 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

    February 15, 2005

    Formation of the IAAAA

    George M. Roper, III psychotherapist extraordinaire, teacher of rehabilitation, blogger par excellance announces the formation of the International Association of Attaboy and Attagirl Awarders (IAAAA)

    According to Roper, this organization is to recognize anyone with whom the awarder agrees on any subject, any medium, any time.

    Membership is open to anyone who has a body temperature greater than 96 degrees and is capable of reading, writing and drawing breath. To receive your official membership copy, comment on this post and leave a good email address. Your membership certificate will be emailed to you where you can download it and it will be suitable for framing.

    Posted by GM Roper at 09:50 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (1)

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