Is Everything About Iraq?

I found this story somewhat amusing and realized how it can reflect the difference in how different groups perceive the world. Read the story and I'll explain more at the end.

Begin Story

Tandem Writing Assignment
The following is a true story (True? I doubt it, but who cares.) received from an English professor.

You know that book "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

First, the Assignment:

English 44A
SMU
Creative Writing
Prof. Miller

In-Class Assignment for Wednesday:
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

And now, the Assignment as submitted by Rebecca & Gary:

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Rebecca starts:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

Gary:

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...". But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

Rebecca:

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Gary:

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

Rebecca:

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Gary:

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Rebecca:

Asshole.

Gary:

Bitch.

END STORY

I thought that was pretty funny.

Now, here's how I see the story in the context of internet discussions. No matter what the subject, ANY SUBJECT, a liberal or Leftist will find some way to associate it with Iraq. I'll give them credit for creativity. Let's look at some examples from actual blog discussions in which I have been involved:

Comment: If you've saved an unborn baby from an abortion, we'd like to hear about it. Please submit a saved baby below and we'll add your "save" to the counter.

Response: There is no way of telling for sure, but I wander how many American lives have been saved since Bush sent the military to Aphganistan and Iraq? There have been 3,000 or so Americans died. But how many lives have been saved? 10 times that many? 100 times that many?

Comment: To almost no notice by the press, or anyone else, the liberal talk talk radio network Air America may be on the verge of going dark after first declaring a Chapter 11 bankruptcy two months ago.

Response: The Department of Defense has identified 2,905 American service members who have died since the start of the Iraq war.

Comment: I'm going to be taking the next few days off to spend some quality time with loved ones. Happy Thanksgiving.

Response: I’m grateful for the unique strategy of bringing more democracy to the world courtesy the strategy of sending more US troops to Iraq…and the draft to boot!

Everything has to do with Iraq. What sad lives to have no other focus. I genuinely appreciate and want to acknowledge the sacrifices of the people in our military, and Iraq is a serious topic, but it does not relate to everything, as these one-issue, miserable, Leftists would like everyone to believe. They even hate it if you said that you had a nice Thanksgiving, because no one should have joy if we are in Iraq.

I began wondering just how novels would change if we let liberals and the Left finish them, just like Rebecca and Gary did above. Let's try one.

Novel: "We are in Transylvania, and Transylvania is not England. Our ways are not your ways, and there shall be to you many strange things." Bram Stoker, Dracula

Liberal Addition: Just like Iraq, where we didn't understand their ways before we went in over some WMD's where Bush lied and people died.

See how easy it is!? Try one yourself!

Novel: Call me Ishmael. Some years ago...I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. ...whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet.... Herman Melville, Moby Dick

Liberal Addition: _____

Novel: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Liberal Addition: _____

Novel: Oh, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive! Sir Walter Scott, Marmion

Liberal Addition: _____

Novel: "There she blows!--there she blows! A hump like a snow-hill! It is Moby Dick!" Herman Melville, Moby Dick

Liberal Addition: _____

Novel: "Liberty is worth paying for . . . " Jules Verne, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

Liberal Addition: _____

But, if it wasn't Iraq, the liberals and Left would just find something else. Have a nice day, even if they cannot. At least I hope that you enjoyed Rebecca's and Gary's tandem writing.

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College Writing Story via Physics Geek