February 16, 2006
Surgical Jokes
Having just gone through life saving surgery, a very dear friend sent me the following joke using politics and surgeons as the foil. So, this is an open post and please post any surgeon's jokes you wish, it doesn't matter who the butt of the joke is about, liberal/conservative, democrat/republican, all that matters is that it be funny, and that you keep it clean (well, as clean as humanly possible... OK?)
Here is my entry (sent to me by a friend) to get the ball rolling:
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.If you have a joke about surgeons, surgery, the patient what ever, please post it in the comments section. Keep it clean, but the idea is to have a repository of humor for those facing surgery. LaughterOne of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York.
is still the best medicine.
Top Eleven Things You Don't Want To Hear In Surgery:
1 Oops.
2 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
3 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
4 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
5 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
6 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
7 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
8 "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
9 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
10 "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of 'em
11 What do you mean "You want a divorce?"
Posted by kender at February 16, 2006 03:17 PM
An old couple go to a doctor and ask him to watch them have sex and tell if he see's them doing anything wrong. So they have sex.
While they are getting dressed the doctor said, "Well I don't see anything wrong!"
A week later they come again and ask the doctor to watch to see if they are doing anything wrong.
They have sex and the doctor says, "Well again I don't see anything wrong."
This goes on for weeks. Then the doctor asks why they keep coming.
The guy said: "If we go to her house her husband will catch us. If we go to my house my wife will catch us. A hotel costs fifty bucks. Here it's thirty-five dollars and medicare pays half!"
Posted by kender at February 16, 2006 03:17 PM
An old couple go to the doctor, and after the man is examined he calls the wife in to talk to her.
Doc: I think your husband may be coming down with Alzhiemers
Wife: What makes you say that?
Doc: Well, he is convinced that God is a personal friend of his and helps him out
Wife: Well, Harold has always been rather religious
Doc: No, it is more than that, he swears that when he gets up to urinate in the middle of the night that God turns on the bathroom light for him
Wife: Dang it!!! He's whizzing in the fridge again!!!
Posted by kender at February 16, 2006 03:26 PM
Surgeons and Dr's in general are actually pretty generous: If your medic gives you 6 months to live and you come back 5 months later, tell him you can't raise the money in time to pay his bill, he'll have no problem giving you an extension.
Posted by Seth at February 16, 2006 05:38 PM
"John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq." �Craig Kilborn
Posted by Woody at February 16, 2006 06:03 PM
