May 13, 2005
My First Day on the Job
When GM first asked me to fill in for him, I was hesitant, seeing how he has such high standards and sophisticated readers. GM said, "Don't worry. Why, you'll make ME look great!" I think that was a compliment, but GM wanted to clinch the deal, so he let me in on an inside secret. Here it is. Don't tell others.
Chicks really dig bloggers and there's LOTS of money in it!
That did it and I'm in! Let the good times roll!
Now, this is new territory, so work with me until GM returns. It may be like what my grandfather told me after I hit a golf ball in the lake after I came out of a sand trap after I punched out of the rough after a bad slice off the tee--"Bad shots make you appreciate the good ones." By the end of ten days you may appreciate GM a lot!
Did you notice that GM turned this over to me on Friday the 13th? I'm not superstitious, so what could go worng?
Let me share what I admired about this site and why I was happy that GM asked me to help him. GM has adopted honest standards. He also happens to be conservative. In addition, he explains that our different experiences may make one person's "truth" vary from that of another person--thus, encouraging people to share ideas without judging. Let's try our best to maintain these standards and openness. The only thing that I would add is that, if my truth is conservative, then it's probably right. Right?
Now, it's my deep felt belief that sites such as this get their real value, not from the hosts, but from the input of readers and their exchange of information and thoughts. This belief is sincere and that is why I want to encourage your participation and comments. Everyone and every idea is welcome and has value. Liberals are especially encouraged. I think that we can learn from each other, maybe change some minds, and all of us have some fun in the process. In either case, let's keep it clean and positive. My mother may be reading this and she thinks I'm perfect.
Now, some good news. I have great ideas for this week, such as a line-up of PRIZES including: Free gas! Baseball tickets! Bowling with GM! The possibilities are staggering. Seeming concerned, GM wanted to know who was going to pay for all of this. At first I thought, "Well, what about all that money you said that we'd make?" Then I got it. I said, "Well, who pays for anything that's free? We'll get the government to pay for it!" My congressman promised that he would put this on his list right after saving social security, so it might take a few days.
Now, to warn you in advance, some of the posts will be serious and others not so serious. I only hope that you can tell the difference. Consider my two posts below this one. The first person to actually guess which one is the serious post will be declared the winner! Now, I know this will be harder for liberals to analyze, so I'll be patient and may award extra affirmative action credits.
Take out your No. 2 pencils, break the seal, and let' start. Oh yeah...and, thanks for chipping in!
Posted by GM Roper at May 13, 2005 10:30 AM | TrackBackWell, you certainly made me laugh, Woody. And naturally, I'd like to take issue with you on your Repub v. Dem voting fraud comments, but to do so I'd have to actually do the work of finding research to back my wild and wacky liberal views...And then I wouldn't meet my own writing deadline....which would cause my editor to hunt me down and kill me....which, in turn, would result in me being...uh...dead---thus not eligible for any of the above SWELL PRIZES.
So, I'll leave the argument for another day. Welcome to blog-daddying. You're good at it.
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Thank you, rosedog! Since you're the first person to comment let me reach into the prize bag and see what you've won. (The prizes are a little meager until the government grant comes through.) Okay, I'm digging around...here it is! You have won a Richard Simmons audio tape titled "Never Give Up--Inspirations, Reflections, Stories of Hope!" Ah, this is one of my favorites because he gives a sad story about someone who was overweight and the problems that he faced until he decided to do something about it--and, that person was...Richard Simmons! It's very touching. Congratulations! You can either pick it up or I'll mail it to you!
Woody
Posted by rosedog at May 13, 2005 12:22 PM
I heard you can get a government grant for almost anything. One researcher from New Zealand received a grant from the US government for the purpose of measuring methane gas emitted by sheep, and its impact on the atmosphere. Okay, forget for a minute how that would look on your resume - - how many "give-a-ways" would a million bucks pay for? So the possibilities are unlimited and I advise you to go for it.
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Mustang, that's New Zealand. Here we have a bigger problem with the gas coming out of Congress. I'm still looking for my gift grant.
Woody
P.S. Would you like a bag of rubber bands? They're good for wrapping around your wrist or shooting at that dweeb in the cubicle near the window.
W.
Posted by Mustang at May 13, 2005 06:26 PM
Considering what Rosedog won, I hereby request my name be removed from consideration when awarding prizes. Just in case.
And like Rosedog, really am in no mood to argue...much less devote ANY thought to Hillary. Or Newt. Or any of the bums. So I'll just say attaboy, Woody; looks like a good start.
For some strange reason Mustang's post reminded me of a brief story I heard on NPR oh, maybe 15 years ago. Scientists were theorizing that an earlier global warming incident had been brought on by...dinosaur flatulence. True story.
I love NPR.
Hopefully be back to torment you when the Dodgers are winning...
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Thank you for your comments, Jim. You may reconsider when you hear what else is in the bag. Let's see.....not that one....no......uhuh....okay. So, pick from these. You can have a stapler, a Chick-Fil-A coupon, or an original poem by GM! Unlike NPR, these prizes are not part of a boring fund raiser and require no pledge. Come back soon, as I will be adding more valuable items.
Woody
Posted by jim hitchcock at May 13, 2005 08:57 PM
Woody, you are doing a GREAT job, keep up the good work. The bad news? I forgot my laptop, so this is being sent via my old aol.com email address, If you will send me the blogging link to this address, I'll be able to get something in including help if you need it which I dont' think you will.
First day of the trip is over, long, difficult drive, traffic in Houston is awful. More later
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Will do and thanks for your confidence, GM. For your comment, I have reached into the bag and your prize is an AOL CD with 4,000 free hours! It will be waiting on the next retail counter that you approach.
Woody
Posted by gmroper at May 13, 2005 09:31 PM
Stardate time: Top of the eight.
Scotty to Kirk: "Well, that sucked."
Posted by jim hitchcock at May 13, 2005 11:39 PM
Stardate: Bottom of the eighth.
Kirk to Scotty: Give me all you got, Scotty.
Scotty to Kirk: Will do, Captain.
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I've never seen two grand slams in the same inning. My television was cut off about three seconds after the second one. I wasn't going to count on seeing a third after the Dodgers went back up.
A mental error of hesitation and trying to outrace J.D. Drew, rather than tossing to the covering pitcher at first, left the door open for the big dramatics. The guy that made the mental error was the same one who hit the Braves grand slam. I think I'm sick.
Woody
Posted by jim hitchcock at May 14, 2005 12:00 AM
Hey there, Woody, good post! Since you're giving away free stuff, please consider me as a recipient, as I am now classified as a minority in my community. Perhaps some government cheese, along with your bag of rubber bands, would be appreciated.
Posted by PJ at May 14, 2005 10:36 AM
