October 01, 2007

Why did the chicken cross the road? Explained by...

Some Monday Morning Humor:

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of
the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the
road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting
by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life,
I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across
the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road,
or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no
middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see
the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other
side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about
the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!
You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my
eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave
me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see
the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like, the 'other side'.
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will
be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents,
and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is a integral part of
eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never
cra...#@&&^( C .. ... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did
the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black

Posted by GM Roper at October 1, 2007 11:49 AM

Damn... LMAO... Those are good...

Posted by TexasFred at October 1, 2007 12:00 PM

Now that was funny as hell.

Posted by Douglas V. Gibbs at October 1, 2007 12:22 PM

And all this time I thought that the reason was to show the possum that it could be done.

Posted by Woody at October 1, 2007 12:32 PM

That, of course, has always been a favorite of mine. Much like the question - How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Posted by Oyster at October 1, 2007 12:32 PM

Perspective is EVERYTHING!! Hilarious!!

And then John Edwards made sure the chicken got a $400 plucking!!


Posted by Laurie Kendrick at October 1, 2007 12:33 PM

Captin Kirk; Beam me up Scotty We're having Sweet & Sour Chicken tonight!

Posted by Doug Roper at October 1, 2007 01:34 PM


now here's one for you:

why did the pervert cross the road?
because he was stuck to the chicken!


Posted by nanc at October 1, 2007 03:04 PM

Moveon.org: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was trying to avoid a fair and open debate on withdrawing the troops from Iraq. Bush lied, chickens died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Bald-Headed Geek at October 2, 2007 01:56 PM

Good stuff!

Posted by Doug Ross at October 2, 2007 07:10 PM

Tolkien: Presently to the great Road they again came. Broad it was, and paved also, and in dust covered; and upon the dust could be seen tracks of feet, many of them.

"Ho!" said Gimli. "Whether these marks be left by Man or Dwarf, Elf or Halfling, beast or fowl, I know not. Yet this much will I warrant; it was no fell beast. For many servants has the Dark Lord; yet the Road they do not cross."

"Can you discern not more amidst these signs?" answered him Legolas. "These marks are as of the feet of a certain bird, one bred unto the farmyard, him that is named among us Círnol Sândas. Have you none such fowl in the Shire also?"

"Yes, but to-day we call them chickens ," replied Frodo, shivering miserably. "O! How I should love to sup again upon some nice roast chicken! But why did it cross the Road, here?"

"Of such things we do not speak," Aragorn told him sternly.

(Not original with me.)

Posted by Assistant Village Idiot at October 2, 2007 08:42 PM

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