September 03, 2007

The Mental Health Police


"Guten Tag, ist dis da Polizei"


"Ja, I mean yes, this is mental health officer Moe, how can I help you?"


"Dis ist Herr Doktor Shrinker, und I vant to report ein pozzible depressed patient."


"Oh good, anudder, I mean another one. Hey Curly and Larry, we got another one. Who is the patient Dr. Shrinker, we'll pick him up right away."


"Dis patient is der Herr Johann Edvards, I zink he ist depressed, because his health care plan got passed, but he din't get elected, verstehe?"


"If you mean do I understand, ja, I mean yes! But we can't pick up Edvards, I mean Edwards, it was his medical care plan, that wouldn't be right!"


"Ha, chust because he has a fancy house and SUV's, he ist schtill a member of der zwei Amerikas Ja?"


"Ja, I mean yes, he still is. OK Doc, ve vill, I mean we will pick him up for evaluation."

Two hours later in a large compound in North Carolina


Moe knocks on the door, a man answers.
"John Edvards, I mean Edwards please."


"I'm John Edwards, how can I help you officers?"


"Senator, we're the mental health cops and you've been identified by a psychiatrist as being depressed."


"Depressed? I'm not depressed. Oh sure, I'm a little saddened that the other America didn't nominate me, but President Clinton got my health care bill passed, I'm happy about that."


"Happy eh? Nyuck, Nyuck, then why aren't you smiling?"


"Well, because I didn't get the nomination and didn't get elected President. Isn't that enough to make one not smile?"


"Look, Senator, we don't care why you aren't smiling, you merely look depressed and that's enough. Under the terms of the Universal Health Care Bill, all persons are required to come in for check ups and that includes for mental health. You don't want to break the law do you?"


"But that was meant for normal people, I'm special, you've seen me on TV, you've heard my speeches, you see the kind of home I live in and the kinds of cars I drive, I have my own resources. I even have Dr. Shrinker on retainer."


"Yeah? Well he's the one that called and turned you in. Come with us please."


"Dr. Shrinker called you? Oh My God, that's Depressing!"



Update: Big Dog has more, and so does Ogre

Posted by GM Roper at September 3, 2007 11:10 PM | TrackBack

Mr Edwards should count himself lucky to called in for depression rather than delusional thinking.

After all, under this Universal Health Care bill, the government decides what is cost-effective treatment - and to save on cost, they prescribed out-patient EST for depression; whereas psychotics get straitjackets and internment - pardon me, re-education camps.

Posted by civil truth at September 3, 2007 11:57 PM

Nitpicking Dept: Isn't spelled "Polizei"?


Yes, corrected! GM

Posted by Tad at September 4, 2007 07:13 AM

Actually, under Hillarycare, I think they'd be called the Pelosei

Tad, one more comment like yours and I'll be calling the mental health officers to take you in for OCD, where they can examine you in a cleanroom.

Ah,'ll just be like the good ol' glory days of the USSR where political opponents are whisked away for mental illness.

Posted by civil truth at September 4, 2007 10:01 AM

Hillary became president?????

How depressing! Quick, call the stooges, er, I mean cops.

Perhaps this will clear it up:

Edwards Plan

Posted by Big Dog at September 4, 2007 11:36 AM

I've jumped on the bandwagon. I'm supporting Edwards for President now:

Posted by Ogre at September 4, 2007 11:44 AM

I've been trying to tell people about Edwards' plan. They called me crazy.

Posted by Oyster at September 4, 2007 02:41 PM

Although his plan is far from perfect it is a plan. I'm not saying I support it, but it is high time for Americans to start working on this problem. Besides subsidizing the uninsured/ illegal immigre, we are subsidizing every socialist/ communist Universal Health Care country on the planet. In Kunukistan they pay pennies for what costs us thousands of dollars.

My most recent hospital stay just for the room and food ran $1500 for 3 days. For the same amount, I could have stayed at the Hyatt Regency with room service for twice as long and still paid less. I promise that the food, bed, nor the staff were worth $1500.

It is time that we either socialize our medicine or cut the world off at the proverbial IV drip from our outstanding innovations in medicine. Either way something must be done.

Posted by psyberwolfe at September 4, 2007 08:45 PM

Additional Comment from the Spelling Polizei:

Me correcting GM on spelling, especially Deutsch, is akin to a parrot editing Shakespeare. As any reader of my comments knows, I invariably make one or more misteaks....whether auf Deutsch or inn English.

Today's Quiz: What does Innsbruck mean in English and how many kangaroos would you find there? This is a bit more difficult than the question to Miss South Carolina for the Miss Teen USA contest. Bon Chance.

Posted by tad at September 5, 2007 05:51 AM

Innsbruck means Bridge over the Inn, and I don't believe you will find any kangaroos anywhere in Austria

Posted by GM Roper at September 5, 2007 07:41 PM

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