There Are Nigerian Scams And Still More Nigerian Scams

Everyone, well, except for the ethically challenged, knows about Nigerian Scams. In it, the scammer purports to be from some African nation and has something like 32 to 35 Million Dollars to share with you if you will only help them get the money out of the country. One that I received many moons ago purported to be a lawyer representing the estate of the late (and lamented?) Earl Roper who might be a relative of mine. I enjoyed responding to that one with a bogus history of Earl Roper who I asserted died in a riot in Times Square as a result of a M-1A-1 Main Battle Tank from the Pennsylvania National Guard being parachuted in to help quell the riots and accidentally landing on Earl's head. At any rate, the scammer actually, not realizing that this was about as much BS as I could pen in a day's time, wrote back and stated that he believed that this may have been the same uncle Earl and if I would transmit via e-mail my bank account numbers and other proof of identification, he would transmit via electronic means the millions to my account and I could keep some 40% for my efforts.

I've received many such offers since, but not a detectable increase in the number than before I responded with a pixelated version of a BS letter. So, in the interests of fun and humor, I present the latest:

HEAD OF ACCOUNTS
NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION
(NNPC)

Good Day,

I am Dr.Sule Gidado,Head Accounts Department **NIGERIAN NATIONAL
PETROLEUM CORPORATION**.I am making this consultation on behalf of my
colleagues as we are seeking for a formidable foreign company/partnership for the final transfer of our total amount of $35,250,000.00USD out of the shores of our country Nigeria.

The stated amount,was as a result of an Over-Invoiced Contract that was awarded by the **NNPC** In June 1999 to a Foreign Firm for the Turn Around Maintainance Work that was carried out at the Port-Harcourt Refinery, the tiny oil rich centre of Nigeria.Meanwhile the contract was successfuly completed, executed and commissioned and the contractor that originally executed the contract has been paid for his Job thus leaving behind the over invoiced amount.

The Federal Government and the Federal Ministry of Petroleum resources has approved the total amount of US$85,250,000.00,and the payment of foreign contractors has already started for the second quarter of our financial year 2006, as 100% of the work for the Turn Around Maintenance (TAM) has been fully Completed, as we will register you/your company as a consultant and job costing contractor to NNPC so that the over Invoiced amount of $35,250,000.00USD can be transferred into your account at any given part of the world as the original contractor was last week been paid his total amount of $50,000,000.00USD.

The CODE OF **CONDUCT BUREAU CODE OF CONDUCT** Do not allow us as Government employees to own or operate Foreign Accounts outside of Nigeria, This is the reason why we are contacting you to act as the Foreign Firm that executed the part contract that is reflecting this balance amount to enable the funds wired transferred into your Company's Account. Your line of specialization is not relevant to this transaction, But all we are requesting for is your mutual trust and confidentiality.

If truly you are interested in helping us out and becoming our foreign partner for this business transaction lets have your following information to open up communication with you:

1.Your Names In Full
2.Company Name/Position Held
3.Contact Address
4.Telephone/Cell Numbers
5.Fax Number
6.Form of Identification.

You will be allowed a fair ground to negotiate on the percentage you would want to receive on your role in this transaction pending our telephone conversation with you.

You will be giving further information and instructions once we fully comfirm your interest to act.

Yours Sincerely,
Dr.Sule Gidado

Well, this one seems quite sincere. So, I'm going to rake in millions and you guys can come over for the biggest party in the world.

Dear Dr. Gidado:

Thank you so much for the offer, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your willingness to deal with our company. In fact, we have expertly helped a number of individuals from your country move so very much money into the United States, that I'm quite surprised that there is any money left in your country at all. At any rate, to prove our bonafides, I offer the following.

1. Names In Full: Ponce de Leon and Hairy Puter
2. Company Name and Positions Held: Devine Comedy & Company, Chief Cook and Bottle Washer and Appraiser in Chief of Nigerian Money Offers, respectively.
3. 1222222 Any Street, Suite B-52, New York, New York 00077-1547
4. Telephone Number and Cell Numbers: 10-666-555-1212, I regret to say that we cannot give you our Cell Numbers because of the evil BushCo's penchant for tapping into international calls looking for terrorists; even though a Federal Judge has ruled that unconstitutional, we doubt that the evil BushCo's will follow the Judges ruling.
Fax Number: Hmm, that is a tough one, I never fax anything to myself, I'll have to look it up and get back to you!

I find it interesting that a Turn Around Maintenance Contractor did not charge you the full amount of the contract as awarded. Usually, TAMC's understand how much money is available and are more than willing to bill the full amount. Oh well, their stupidity is our gain, right?

I'm also curious as to why your CODE OF **CONDUCT BUREAU CODE OF CONDUCT** WON'T ALLOW Y(whoops, forgive my error in continuing in all caps, I realize in email etiquette that all Caps is considered shouting)-(but I digress) you to own foreign bank accounts. Now, I understand that your government may not want to rip off the people via bureaucrats such as your self stealing from your accounts and depositing said ill gotten gains in other countries, but surely they can see the benefit of helping you and me becomming wealthy?

At any rate, I really, and truely and honestly, and cross my lil' 'ole pea pickin' heart and hope to die promise that I am interested in helping you out and in becoming your "foreign partner."

In fact, if you will e-mail me your account numbers, your password and any other necessary identification, I'll be happy to wire transfer the amount of $2.98 to you to prove my sincerity. I know that is a lot of money, but I think you are probably honest enough for me to trust. Just promise that you won't spend it all on a McDonald's Happy Meal, OK?

Sincerely,
Ponce de Leon, Third Prince of Spain and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer
Devine Comedy & Company
New York, New York