January 09, 2006
Ted Kennedy Creates a Splash - for the Children, Of Course
Surely this is a put-on...but, according to a real article in the USA Today book section, Ted Kennedy is writing a book for young people in which he is the main character along with...are you ready? Are you really ready? His co-protagonist is a Portuguese Water Dog named Splash! Yes, Kennedy's side-kick is a water dog. And, his name is Splash! Well, it had to be that or a St. Bernard with a cask. Someone wake me and tell me this is a spoof.
Sen. Ted Kennedy to publish children's book (c) APNEW YORK (AP)  Meet the latest children's author, Sen. Ted Kennedy, and his Portuguese Water Dog, Splash, his co-protagonist in My Senator and Me: A Dogs-Eye View of Washington, D.C. Ted Kennedy's 56-page children's book will be released by Scholastic Inc. in May.
"I am very excited about the opportunity to create a book for young readers and their families that will deepen their understanding of how our American government works," Kennedy said in a statement Monday issued by Scholastic.
According to Scholastic, Kennedy's book "not only takes readers through a full day in the Senator's life, but also explains how a bill becomes a law." Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat, was inspired to write the book from his work with a Washington-based reading program, "Everybody Wins!"
Well, "Everyone Wins" unless you're the passenger in Kennedy's car...and were unlucky enough that Splash the wonder water dog wasn't there to save you. I'm anxiously awaiting the chapter where Kennedy teaches Splash how to rescue drowning people.
What other adventures could Kennedy and Splash have to teach children about Washington? "Splash filibusters a Presidential appointment?" "Splash opposes military funding?" But, my favorite will be "Splash bites the Senator in the crotch."
Posted by Woody at January 9, 2006 07:20 PM | TrackBack"Splash bites the Senator in the crotch."
Dog bites man? Another MSM non-story!
Posted by GM Roper at January 9, 2006 08:37 PM
Ted has asked me to ghost write the first chapter.
My name is Splash, and I was named after the last thing my master heard before he went on a decades long bender that has virtually wiped his memory. I am going to give you an outline of a day with my master. My master has been given the task of making certain that this one company doesn't go "bankrupt". I am not sure of the companies name, but they make something called jen.....I think it may be a card game....or the maids sister...I am not sure, but then I am a dog.
My master is a sin-a-tor. Sin-a-tor's are a strange breed of human that must constantly drink from large green bottles. Whatever it is my sin-a-tor is drinking makes his nose turn redder as the day goes on and makes him louder, which makes cook very mad. Cook lets me lick my sin-a-tors plate before he makes my sin-a-tor his fud, and sometimes rubs the spoon on my behind.
That feels good.
Posted by kender at January 10, 2006 03:48 AM
OOOOHHHHHHH Crap its true. I thought my mind was fuzzy from the meds I have been taking.....
Poor Splash, Geez I thought I h ave a good imagination however I just can't get it around this one........
Posted by Patty at January 10, 2006 11:18 PM
Let's subpoena Kennedy's medical records and get evidence of the dog bite. Also, I want to know if Kennedy still has a liver and whose it was.
Posted by PCD at January 11, 2006 02:57 PM
I just cannot believe what I am hearing! Ted K. is totally debauched! SPLASH? Isn't that the last sound heard by Joanne Kopekni? (?sp) How well I remember Chapaquidick! Just who does he think he is?!!!!!
Posted by Carole Myron at January 11, 2006 07:18 PM
Kennedy looks like he's about to slap Splash on the butt. "Splash! Bad dog! I think they hid the whiskey in the tent, not the water!"
Posted by Andrea at January 12, 2006 07:41 PM
but ... but ... but...
I read Kennedy's letter to the people of Massachusetts written right after the Chappaquidick incident.
He said he was outraged at the allegations he'd been drinking and that it outraged him that people implied anything unseemly was going on between him and the 'girls' at the party. His wife would have been there herself, but she wasn't feeling well.
He explained the whole thing in detail, about why he didnt' get help, why he went back and got his cousins, but told them not to tell (he didn't want to worry Mary Jo's friends!) He was only thinking of her and her friends throughout the entire ordeal!
He heroically tried to rescue her eventhough he thought he'd surely drown!
Give the poor guy a break. He was so tired from the whole incident he had to swim across the pond after getting too tired to try to save her anymore, and jog back to his hotel and sleep it off. I mean, to rest, so he could call his attorney the next morning to see how he'd squirm out of vehicular manslaughter charges - I mean, report the 'accident'.
Poor guy- it was highly inconsiderate of her to die in that car - it's haunted him his whole life and ruined his hopes for glory in the White House!
Posted by beth at January 14, 2006 03:43 AM
