February 14, 2006
Cancer, Me and the Blogosphere
Wow, what a tumultuous three weeks this has been! From getting a routine chest x-ray to get my knee repaired to finding out I had cancer in my right lung, to making the announcement here at GM's Corner, to getting literally hundreds and hundreds of cards, letters (most via e-mial), prayers from people I've never before encountered and likely will never meet in person. Offers of assistance for everything from mowing the lawn (I live in a town-home, no lawn) to can I get you some magazines or something?
One thing for sure has happened. I have been touched by the hand of Almighty God through this ordeal. Now, I don't really care to get into an argument about religion or whether or not one believes, but for me, the hand of God has never been more clear than it is here and now. From the dark fear of the unknown that the diagnosis of cancer brings to the sudden realization that you aren't under a death sentence and you are not likely to die in the next 10 seconds is an amazing and difficult, and harrowing and marvelous journey for one to make. I'm not even sure that I can make sense out of it all.
In my first blog post about the cancer, one of the comments way down the list was "This thread is incredibly affirmative--you're touching people, GM. Bless you." and Mr. Larson is so right, this has been incredibly affirmative. One of the lesson's of life - if one is willing to listen that is - is that you don't get to control all of your destiny, that while you can be the "Captain of your ship" you are also sometimes set on by storms that sneak up on your blind side. And when those storms hit, friendship is the "safe harbor" that you need. I have apparantly, safe harbors all over the world and that too is incredibly affirming.
Discovery of cancer on the 24th, confirmation on the 26th, major surgery on the 6th of February, disturbing but ultimately incorrect news on the 7th, home on the 13th and today, Valentine's Day, spent at home with my loved ones. How do I count all the blessings that this has entailed? How do I tell everyone how much they mean to me? How do I thank those that have reached out to touch my heart with prayers, with concern and a willingness to keep me in their thoughts?
I have heard from those with strong religious convictions, as well as from those with no religious convictions at all. But perhaps unknowingly, they have all been united in sending me their best, and that has been felt by me from the top of my pointy little ole head to the bottom of my feet.
Dr. Helen (The Instapundit's Better Half) had a heart attack a number of years ago and when she commented with a note of support, she said "...stay positive--I know I will keep you and your recovery in my thoughts." Tony Snow of Fox News sent me a lengthy e-mail and noted a number of things for me to do:
First, enlist as much love and support from friends as you can, and don't be shy. One of the great distinguishing characteristic of Americans is that they always want a chance to do something good. Many are doing good things for you right now, many completely unknown to you. Some people are afraid of admitting to cancer because they worry that others will treat them like freaks. A very few people will; most will rally in wondrous and suprising ways. Give them a chance to help. They'll come through for you.
Second, talk to other cancer patients. They have street cred others don't. For instance, you're probably now noticing twinges and random pains in far-flung parts of your body. This sort of stuff has been going on your entire life, and you have paid no heed. Now, however, the mere threat of cancer has you wondering whether the killer cells have fiendishly relocated to some unusual part of your body -- from your toes to your earlobes, along with every viscera and soft tissue in between. I remember thinking at one point that pressure in my forehead must have been a sure indicator of brain cancer. Instead, I just had sinus congestion. This sort of panic is normal: I don't know a single cancer patient who hasn't experienced it in one way, shape or form. I finally called my internist and informed him that I was going nuts and needed some sort of stuff to calm me down. He prescribed Xanax. I took exactly one -- conversations with doctors and other cancer patients managed to calm my nerves even better than drugs.
Third, learn as much as you can -- ignorance is your enemy -- but don't get too hooked on internet sites. Many of them are idiotic. Better to consult with your MD Anderson trained doc, who can steer you to stuff that might be helpful. Look especially for success stories. You'd be amazed at how far medicine has come in the last 15 years, and how effective the meds are.
Fourth, keep the fighting attitude. A friend of mine -- a survivor of simultaneous lung, breast and armpit lymph cancers -- described sitting in meetings with fellow breast cancer patients. Some just looked defeated, even though each one of them had far less severe cases than she had. Not one of the defeated-looking patients made it. You'll find that it's surprisingly easy to remain combative once you've begun to shuck aside some of the fear. Just think about the people you love and the things you want to do with them in the years ahead. That should be all the inspiration you need. Furthermore, you'll find that your attitude will change (likely for the better) the moment you get into treatment. It's like going from pre-game jitters to the game. Once the game is on, you don't have any choice. You have to play. So play to win.
Fifth: Realize that fear is a complete waste of time, even though it will creep up on you from time to time. Your full-time job now is to get well. Blogs are nice, but living is more fundamental. The most important part of the aforementioned fighting attitude is to set fear aside and get determined about getting well.
Sixth, relish and embrace your faith. I kept a file of what I called "healing verses," many of which had been forwarded through well-wishers. You can find them sprinkled everywhere in the Bible; Psalms and Proverbs are especially rich sources. Prayer is an amazing thing, and the healing power of prayer -- something I always suspected before getting cancer -- is palpable and real. You've seen the responses already on your site: These people are pulling for you, as are hundreds or even thousands who aren't writing. There's no greater honor than having somebody you don't know asking God to help you. Somehow, the word trickles back, and it will make you stronger."
Through no action on my part, perhaps other than my humanity, I have been blessed beyond reason. I put this out to all of you today; God bless you, and thank you for everything. This particular fight with cancer has been mostly won, but the war goes on. I will lick this thing beyond any shadow of a doubt and though some doubtlessly dark days lay ahead, I know that bright sunshine and gentle cleansing rain will also be there in full measure and at the right time.
Blogging will continue, but I wanted to take this moment to say thanks to all you out there. Your help has been immeasurable whether you are aware of it or not.
Fight On!!
Posted by GM Roper at February 14, 2006 01:56 PM | TrackBackFight On GM....I told you....it aint your time.....you aren't getting out of this that easy, old man.
Posted by kender at February 14, 2006 03:50 PM
What a pleasant surprise to see you 'up and about' so soon after what must rank as Major Surgery. Totally unexpected.
You really a tough old bird . for sure. I would be whining and not blogging were it me.
My hats off to you, absolutely . You minimise the effort ,but this blog today speaks volumes about why everyone wanted to help in whatever small way they could. We don't have to all share your beliefs in order to be impressed.
Hang in there, pal.
Posted by dougf at February 14, 2006 04:07 PM
I take it you're home??
About time you got your lazy ass out of the hospital and back to work... Slacker...
GM, all BS aside, I am thrilled for you to be home and to see you hitting the keys...
Hang in there pal, and anything I can do, I will...
Now get busy, the left hasn't let up on their stupidity and we need ALL the troops we can get...
Posted by TexasFred at February 14, 2006 04:19 PM
I'm so glad you are blogging again--it is good to hear your "voice". We never know what curveballs life will throw at us, but you have hung in and hit a grand slam. My thoughts and prayers will continue for you and your family.
Posted by Dr. Sanity at February 14, 2006 04:20 PM
GM, I'm here for you if you need anymore red, white, and blue elephants!
Posted by Espella at February 14, 2006 04:32 PM
Good luck, and a biochemist friend of mine sez just what Dr. Helen does. He can't explain why, but attitude is the key. He also says to keep the immune system in good shape. Every one of us "has cancer"--we're trillions of dividing cells, and some will be flawed. We don't notice it because the immune system senses them and kills them.
If they went to surgery, they must have got it early, and in a limited area. That's excellent news.
My ex ... by the time they found it, it was everywhere from her jaw to her hip. Surgery would do no good, they had to go to chemo. She didn;t make it. Fast growing cells equal higher probability of mutation, and of developing resistance to the chemo, so the tumors receded and then started growing again. But if you cut it out, it's not gonna have much chance of developing resistance!
Posted by David Hardy at February 14, 2006 04:38 PM
Stay the course, George. I wish you a full and healthy recovery. :)
Posted by Redhead Infidel at February 14, 2006 05:33 PM
Best wishes for a full and healthy recovery.
Posted by Jeff G at February 14, 2006 06:07 PM
GM,
Your post brought both laughs & tears. Been there, been doing that, for 5 years now, but who's counting'?
You're right on about the power of prayer and not necesarily those you author yourself. I was, and am still, basically afraid to pray for myself, yet I feel the prayers of others daily.
Posted by Dennis at February 14, 2006 06:08 PM
Fight On Sir, Fight On!
So good to know your home and with family.
Norma, Stay strong, we are here if you need anything.
Posted by Michael at February 14, 2006 06:42 PM
OMG!!..ure home!.Hurray and happy Valentines!..hope ya dint forget to get yer woman some decadent chocolates..lolz
o gosh I am so so happy ure home!!!!
guess I'll cancel the flowers we were gunna send to the hospital..heh.
Posted by Angel at February 14, 2006 07:52 PM
GM: Tony Snow's comments are a refreshing guide to anyone facing a fight against this vile, cowardly disease. As one who jumps from the trenches each day and yells out to his patients, "Follow me!" I am grateful to all those who show their support to cancer patients - they need it so much. May the blessings from above continue to sprinkle down on you as an eternal shower of God's neverending love.
Posted by Dr. Craig Hildreth at February 14, 2006 08:55 PM
You will move right to the top of the prayer list. My father, now aged 80, was diagnosed 7 years ago with lung cancer. He had surgery also, and he is still going strong, cancer free, running around the USA with his wife on trips I envy. He's taking a 3 week Alaskan cruise this summer with my brother and brother's family, and looking forward with vast antipcation to seeing his first greatgrandchild this summer. He's already planning his trip to Florida to visit that new baby next September. He's talking about Ireland next year, I'm pushing for it --Go Dad Go! (Can I come with?)
People who have never really believed in prayer experience it first hand when faced with an illness like cancer. You can feel it, the way you can feel a breeze on your face. You can't see it, but you know that cooling wind is there, and it's as real and tangible as the keyboard I'm typing on.
Autumn
Posted by Autumn at February 14, 2006 09:04 PM
I expect we're all going to learn something as we follow you on your journey, GM.
Posted by the anchoress at February 14, 2006 09:19 PM
Welcome back!!!
Posted by Woody (the other one) at February 14, 2006 09:30 PM
I am a breast cancer survivor (Class of '01) and, although I had never been particularly religious. I was buoyed by the prayers of friends and strangers. Looking back now, I would not wish the cancer back, but I feel nostalgic for the presence of God that I felt then. Cancer is truly a life-altering experience, and I wholeheartedly recommend Tony Snow's wisdom. Oh, yes, one additional tip--if you have chemo (as you probably will), be prepared what we patients dubbed "chemo brain." Whether from the chemical brew itself or the general stress of having cancer, my fellow patients and I all experienced episodes of embarrassing memory lapses (names, movies we had seen, everyday phone numbers, where we left the keys, etc.). I remember drawing a blank on my surgeon's name and having the panicky certainty that the cancer "had gone to my brain." What a relief to go to chemo treatment and hear others reporting the same pesky phenomenon.
Posted by Judy at February 14, 2006 09:48 PM
Welcome back..wonderful that you are already home!
You are tough cookie......you already have the battle half won!
Fight On! We are all in this with you!
Posted by L.B. at February 15, 2006 01:15 AM
There you go! Even when the fighting spirit and gratitude wane....we are here for you in spirit and prayer..say can that guy come mow my lawn.... :-)
Posted by Crystal Clear at February 15, 2006 02:24 AM
Always refused to believe in anything other than your recovery. Fight on!
Posted by Olaf Petersen at February 15, 2006 03:44 AM
Fight On!!!
Posted by Ogre at February 15, 2006 04:40 AM
Awesome news GM.
Now follow the DRS orders and listen to the nurses.
LOL
FIGHT ON SIR!
Posted by Raven at February 15, 2006 05:40 AM
Fight On, Bro.
Posted by LASunsett at February 15, 2006 05:57 AM
Did I tell you the story about a friend who went in for for a cancer surgery pre-op exam and they found out by chance that his knee was blown out? Things you wouldn't know otherwise.... Glad it worked out for you the other way.
I told people that the doctors removed part of your left lung. You just said that the cancer was in the right. Just to clear things, I highly suspect that my information was incorrect rather than the doctors holding up the x-ray backwards and taking out the wrong side.
I'm glad that you're recovering and are back. It's no fun mending and that doesn't make it easy to do other things, but your brain still works as well as it ever has, and that's plenty good enough to share your thoughts and insights in a way that only you can.
In case you're wondering what you missed in the world when you were out, Al Franken and Michael Moore were caught re-enacting Brokeback Mountain together with Hillary Clinton directing. Not really, but I was just testing you. (It could happen.)
BTW, as long as you were being inconvenienced, why didn't they go ahead and take care of your knee at the same time?
Glad you're back and are winning the battle. Take care and know that you're in our prayers.
Posted by Woody at February 15, 2006 07:15 AM
GM,
I know you've heard of "laugh" therapy. Now is the chance to get a stack of old - actually funny - movies and watch them at home. Worry not about other things. Concentrate on full recovery.
I would go on, George, but you already know how I feel.
Press on, Buddy.
Posted by Tad at February 15, 2006 07:35 AM
Ah, GM, I *knew* this tumor wouldn't beat you! Your upbeat, positive, determined, stubborn decision to FIGHT ON and conquer will get you through. I am so glad I'm a "relative;" it's an honor to be part of your family.
You KNOW I'm keeping you in my prayers, and your Lady Wife as well. Please make sure you give each other lots of love and hugs from me, OK? Your quilt is coming along very well, and I am so looking forward to sending it off to you when it's done.
Much love to you and yours, brother. We've got your back so you can concentrate on stomping this cancer into the ground!
-- R'cat
Posted by Romeocat at February 15, 2006 08:21 AM
Had prostate cancer in 1999 -- doing fine now.
Please give up all dairy products. They feed cancer.
ron
Posted by ron hard at February 15, 2006 09:32 AM
It's great to hear you are out of the hospital. It sounds like you are recovering quickly and that the medical news is good. Best wishes and continued prayers for you and your family.
Posted by DRJ at February 15, 2006 11:22 AM
Keep your chin up! I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and they gave me 48 hours to live. That was two years ago this April. I'm cancer-free now and feel like a million bucks. I am 100% confident you'll beat this soundly.
Posted by zothhh at February 15, 2006 11:41 AM
You are right....the response from friends is gratifying. And in my case, my illness has brought our family much xcloser together also.
Posted by Ray at February 15, 2006 12:40 PM
GM... Great to have you back and was very moved by this post, by your reflections and by Tony Snow's heartfelt advice. I send you the warmest of hugs.
Posted by Marc Cooper at February 16, 2006 02:29 AM
GM - Great to have you back.
Attitude is everything. My wife's two sisters were both struck with breast cancer around the same time in their lives. One gave up and died within a year. The other fought like crazy and is a six year survivor.
Never give up!
Posted by al at February 16, 2006 07:00 AM
My husband and I are praying for you, I am so glad to see you posting.
Thank you for being in our lives in this special blogging internet world. You are very special to more then you may even know.
Posted by Wild Thing at February 17, 2006 10:56 PM
I'm so glad I found your blog - just now, in fact!
I know of many, many cancer survivors - my boss had testicular cancer that ended up metastasizing into lung cancer and brain cancer - he is now in full remission and he and his wife are expecting their first child.
My father had cancer 6 times during his life - he ended up dying of a heart attack, at age 84.
My good friend's mother-in-law was diagnosed with leukemia and breast cancer and was given 3 weeks to live - 4 years ago.
Positive thinking, though corny, is very effective.
Prayer is important. And the good wishes of others are good too - so ... here are the good wishes and prayers and moral support from the Donovan family in Leavenworth, Kansas. I know you will be okay.
Posted by Beth Donovan at February 18, 2006 08:03 PM
Wonderful! My daughters will be so pleased to know that their prayers have helped you along.
I've been so burdened at work lately, I've kept my head down and done little blog-visiting. Your post (finally found, nearly a week late!) has indeed touched me -- reminding me to keep a lot of faith and a little more perspective.
Thank you GM, and my God continue to bless you!
(And man, a letter from Snow, that rocks! You da MAN!)
Posted by The MaryHunter at February 19, 2006 12:24 PM
