April 27, 2005
Open Letter to John "Do You Know Who I Am?" Kerry
Dear Senator Kerry, I know you probably have a few things on your mind that are, for you, weighty matters. Things like "How do I torpedo Hillary's run for what should be my office?" and "Damn, who put that promise to sign a 180 in my talk?"
I know that you are doubtlessly bitter about the recent election in which your spouse, you know, what's her name, oh yes, TERR-AY-ZUH griped because some church folk felt like not voting for you because of your stand on abortion.
I'm also sure that you probably believe that all those rotten folk who ridiculed you for "flip-flopping" all over the political landscape had a hand in your recent defeat. After all, they couldn't know that you are steadfast in your convictions, rock solid in your beliefs and determined that you are destined to be President.
However, Senator Kerry, this letter is not about that, this letter is about your promise to sign the Standard Form 180 - Request Pertaining To Military Records which, for your convenience, you can find here.
Now, Senator Kerry, please don't be upset with me for reminding you. I'm only doing this as a public service because I really, really, really want to see you capture the nomination in '08. All that stuff to the right about me being pro-bush, pro-life, pro-evangelical, pro-republican is really only a smoke screen to hide my true allegiance to you sir! After all, I know that you, despite all the evidence really did spend Christmas in Cambodia taking a super-secret CIA agent into the fray and delivering weapons to the Khmer-Rouge - after all, you said on the Senate floor that that memory was "Seared, Seared" in your memory didn't you? You wouldn't lie to the Senate about something like that would you? I know that you, despite all the evidence, really didn't fall while snow-boarding and that you were pushed by that damned Secret Service guy. After all, the Secret Service is "controlled" by the White House and that nasty "W." I know too, that you really did try to keep your "magic hat" secret in your briefcase that you just happened to have when a reporter just happened to ask about it. I mean, after all, don't most people carry around an almost 40 year old war "souvenir" in their briefcases?
I'm in your corner Senator, no, really I am. I just want you to autograph that Form 180 for me. I'll handle everything else, really, I promise!
Oh, and Senator Kerry, if anyone tells you not to trust me, that I'm really a conservative Republican and that I'm trying to make fun of you, well, just don't believe them. OK? Please? I really do want to see you in the White House. No, really! Just think what TERR-AY-ZUH could do with the curtains and china. Just think, hot pink damask on the walls of the Oval Office, her telling reporters who ask her embarrassing questions to "shut up" and all that. Why, it'll be more fun having you in the White House than it was having Bill what’s-his-name... you know, the one that married that Senator friend of yours from New York... Hillary, yeah, her!
Well, I have to close now Senator, I've got a few papers to grade and some averages to calculate so that my students at the university will know where they stand.
Oh, one more thing before I close. Will you go here, here and here on the net and check out what other people are saying about you? Thanks Senator, I know when you say that you'll do something you will. You are known as a man who keeps his word. No, really, you truly are. Just ask your first wife!
UPDATE: Decision '08 has an update on the efforts for a signed 180:
John told me to tell you guys to keep up the good work, he appreciates all your efforts to help him get that pesky 180 signed.a pen has been procured from a Walmart on the outskirts of Little Rock "for substantially less than the $12,000 budgeted";
a special committee has been formed to discuss the best way to remove the cap from the pen;
a copy of the notoriously difficult to obtain form has been located on eBay and bidding is underway; and
a "Dinner With John" fundraising extravaganza is in the works to obtain the necessary postage to mail the signed form, should such a step be required.
HT to Powerline and a special Thanks to "Too Many Steves" for the pointer.
Posted by GM Roper at April 27, 2005 04:38 AM | TrackBackFunny post, nicely done.
Posted by BobG at April 27, 2005 08:01 AM
Bob, thanks for the comment and thanks for stoping by. Hope you will come back often.
Posted by GMRoper at April 27, 2005 08:14 AM
My dear Mr. Roper:
Thank you for spending so much of your time reminding me to sign and submit the SF 180, and I’m sorry to see that you have so many papers to grade. You know, when I was a college professor, I always told my students about the value of integrity, of service to one’s country, and the value of marrying well. Alas, as time marches on, I worry about such things as cheating in school, because I realize that it is only a matter of time before one of these kids gets to the age where they challenge me for my senatorial position. I wish it were not so, of course. But I know that you will keep doing your best, just as I have always done – from the Riverine Patrol Craft that I single-handedly commanded on the Me Kong Delta, to the time when I went undercover in support of a top-secret CIA operation in Rangoon – and we always hope that what we do is good enough. Why, as I count my millions and think about how great a president I might have been . . . well, it just makes me sad.
Your friend,
John
Posted by HB at April 27, 2005 10:38 AM
GM, You KNOW how much Kerry has impressed me! A Silver Star Medal for shooting a fleeing, wounded enemy in the back. (Note: "a" means one) He received a Bronze Star Medal WITH "V" for pulling a guy out of the water. As for his THREE Purple Heart Medals...did the Chief yell "Stand Up" or "Shut Up"? Yeh, I know, there was no Chief. Once Kerry actually wounded himself by firing an M-79 too close to his position and his own sharpnel hit him. Nice touch. His OIC turned down his request for a PHM. I would guess he shopped until he found a Corpsman or Doctor who would treat him and validate the medal. Another "wound" was so minor that the doctor said that it would be about what one might get pruning roses on the weekend. If memory serves, he also go another one for bruising himself. Yeh, that what I said too. So, Hero/Warrior Kerry flees his Band of Brothers (his enlisted subordinates) after only four months in country. (Another Note: How is it that on a very small boat, Kerry gets 3 PHM and two high awards for valor...but his troops are left holding the bag, but not much else?)Gad, what a hero! He should write a book...oh, he already has. I wonder if the Navy will name a carrier after him? Certainly they should, don't you think?
I really also admire how he was able to play both sides of the street. On one hand he is a guy who actually kills the hated enemy. On the other he is anti-war and cites all sorts of crimes committed by Americans in Vietnam....wait! Wasn't he there? If he was an officer, why didn't he stop the war crimes? Why didn't he report them? Well, except for idiots, I think the answers are pretty evident.
Posted by tad at April 27, 2005 10:56 AM
This is interesting.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry and his wife prepare to visit Minneapolis on May 3, Sen. Mark Dayton said he has little doubt that Kerry is planning to run for president again in 2008. When New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton attended the DFL Humphrey Day Dinner in Minneapolis less than two weeks ago, Dayton, D-Minn., told the crowd he hoped he was introducing "the next great president of the United States of America." Two days later on the floor of the U.S. Senate, Dayton said Kerry approached him "with daggers in his eyes and said, 'What are you doing endorsing my 2008 presidential opponent?'... He was very serious."
http://www.startribune.com/stories/587/5362878.html
Posted by Todd Pearson at April 28, 2005 12:27 PM
I think that, considering the political favors John Kerry apparently pulled in in connection with his repeatedly reissued silver star, we're going to have to wait a few more months (years?) before he gets moving on this. After all, he's got to have a chance to get his friends to clean up his records. Then, voila, his signature will miraculously appear on the 180, and we'll get to see what Kerry was really doing for the CIA.
Posted by Bookworm at May 2, 2005 02:16 PM
