16 Things It Takes A Lifetime To Learn

I have a very dear friend that I worked with at the college. She is bright, articulate, conservative and funny as hell. She sent the following to me via e-mail and they were just too good not to pass on. So, without further ado:

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that
word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person.

14. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) Your
friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out as grapes,
and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and
huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.