March 21, 2005

Time for a Humor Break

A new (but really cool) friend sent me the following actual excerpts from a collection of employee evaluation reports.

WARNING Do NOT read with Food or Drink in your mouth!

  • "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and broken out the jack-hammer."

  • "I would not allow this employee to breed."
  • "This employee is not so much of a has-been as she is a won't be."
  • "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
  • "This employee only opens her mouth when its time to change her feet."
  • "He has no more depth than a parking lot puddle."
  • "This employee has delusions of adequacy."
  • "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
  • "This is an idiot in search of a village."
  • "This employee should go far. The farther, the better."
  • "She's got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic binder to hold them all together."
  • "A gross ignoramus ... 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
  • "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier!"
  • "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
  • "He's been working with glue too much."
  • "He would argue with a signpost."
  • "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
  • "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
  • "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
  • "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
  • "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
  • "This employee should avoid donating any organs."
  • "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
  • "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
  • "It's hard to believe he beat out a million other sperm."
  • "This young man is one neuron short of a synapse."
  • "Some drink deeply from the fountain of knowledge. This employee only gargles."
  • "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

    Posted by GM Roper at March 21, 2005 02:53 PM | TrackBack
    • Comments




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