-- G.M. challenged me to answer The Meme of Four, so here is my best attempt:

Four jobs you’ve had in your life: Taking our garbage cans to the street, picking up bread and milk on the way home, representing my wife in traffic court (and winning), and defending Ronald Reagan against liberals.

Four movies you could watch over and over: Just intellectual movies with messages like Pee Wee's Big Adventure, National Lampoon's Vacation, Smokey and the Bandit, and especially these Jane Fonda films.

Four places you’ve lived: As "lived" can have more than one meaning...a golf course along the ocean, going parking as a teenager, 1971 road trip to New Orleans, and as an electrician in Colonial America in my former life.

Four TV shows you love to watch: Star Gazer, Winky Dink with samples here, Girls Gone Wild infomercials, and the Charlie's Angels show where Farrah Fawcett wore that cute swim suit.

Four places you’ve been on vacation: I take vacations one hour at a time at work.

Four websites you visit daily: Microsoft Help Page, GM's Corner, HTTP 404 - File not found, and this science fiction site.

Four of your favorite foods: Any meal picked up by a client, ketchup, pralines, and Dippin' Dots.

Four places you’d rather be: The future, the White House, further from Neverland Ranch, and age eighteen again with what I know now.

Four albums you can’t live without: Only the ones that I use for drink coasters. Not this one, probably not this one, not this one, certainly not this one, and REALLY not this one .

I hope this cleared up any questions and gave you more insight into how I think. Satisfied, G.M.?

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MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
RE: Christmas PARTY ON DEC. 23RD
DATE: DEC. 1ST

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Woody

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And now a word regarding our French Allies

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." --Mark Twain.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --General George S. Patton.

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf.

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." --Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." --Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." --Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --Regis Philbin.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know." --P.J O'Rourke (1989).

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." --John McCain, U.S. Senator

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either" --Jay Leno.

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman

"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada." --Ted Nugent.

"War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II."

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'" --Tom Brokaw.

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --Dennis Miller.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." --Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." --Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once'." --Rep. Roy Blount (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." --Dennis Miller

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." --Rep. Roy Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." --John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney - (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

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