You've all seen this picture before:

It purports to show two Polar Bears (PBs) stranded on a melting iceberg.  Ahh yes, due to anthropogenic global warming no doubt.  The only problem is is that the picture was a bit of a fraud. 

Well, now the GWFATB (Global Warming Freaks And True Believers) have managed to get a growing population of a mammal (yes, Virginia, Polar Bear populations are increasing) on the "threatened species" list.  Well, I know of a surefire way to increase the PB population:  Captured PB breeding programs.  This will have the added benefit of using the excess PBs for their fat.  So, in the interests of good citizenship, I present the Top 10 Uses For Polar Bear Fat!

Number 10:  cut into bite size cubes, it can be used by old codgers who like to sit around and chew the fat.

Number 9:  Polar Bear fat can replace Crisco in making pie dough.

Number 8:  Rendered Polar Bear fat can replace butter in frying your morning eggs.  This will have the added benefit of taking the pressure off of cows to make milk and have it stolen from their udders.

Number 7:  Rendered dehydrogenated Polar Bear fat can be used instead of cannola oil in your Vinegar & Oil salad dressings.

Number 6:  Polar Bear fat can be used to replace valuable oil as lubricants.

Number 5:  Polar Bear fat can be used to "grease the skids" in countries where "mordida" is common.

Number 4:  Polar Bear fat can be used to lubricate that squeeky door hinge instead of WD-40 thus saving the atmosphere from added flurocarbons.

Number 3:  Polar Bear fat is terrific for greasing pie and cake pans

Number 2:  Polar Bear fat can be used on burns instead of butter (see also number 8 ).

And the Number 1 use for Polar Bear fat is that it can be used as a source of bio-desiel and cars using it can proudly bear the sign "The Polar (Bear) Express!"

I'm GM Roper and I approve of this message!

UPDATE:  Friend David Fafarman, a clever guy, suggested:

Another use for PB fat: Heating Al Gore's hot tub:

Posted at 05:28 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 368 words, total size 3 kb.

1 You are a sick sick man GM Roper... Sick... I love it...

Posted by: TexasFred at Thursday, May 15 2008 07:40 AM (MtKdb)

2 Yeah, I've got to second TF... LOL

Posted by: Kat at Thursday, May 15 2008 08:45 AM (Cnodf)

3

Nature has a way of managing animal population.  For example, when we note an abundance of ground squirrels, we also see a dramatic increase in the number of rattlesnakes; this produces an ebb and flow of critter populations, and the ultimate effect of balance within the animal kingdom.  The only corollary to this in the human world is war, disease, and natural disasters (controlled, I understand, from the basement of the White House).  Sadly, human populations are an ever-increasing phenomenon; the effect of this is a much-polluted planet Earth.  I should not have to mention that an increase in human population also results in an increase in the criminal element.

 

I think the solution to the PB problem is quite simple.  Release fifty of so of these creatures in each of our major cities.  Doing will help lower crime, control the homeless population, conclusively prove the merit of Darwin’s survival theory, and sustain an endangered polar bear population.  By the way, I will accept a Nobel Prize for this suggestion, and may even be persuaded to produce a feature length documentary.

 

Posted by: Mustang at Thursday, May 15 2008 10:22 AM (JX+lH)

4 Another use for PBF: Heating Al Gore's hot tub:

http://wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=64285

Posted by: Dave at Thursday, May 15 2008 03:22 PM (JhQOZ)

5 Good morning. If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. I am from Togo and too bad know English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "Public city as a start of home, strong-willed example, and chance's suit." Thanks in advance. Distance education certificate courses.

Posted by: Distance education certificate courses at Wednesday, November 11 2009 05:10 PM (ULlLm)

6 Good afternoon. Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. I am from Singapore and learning to speak English, give please true I wrote the following sentence: "Flovent, when i confirm of you i make and have itchy specimens." With respect :-), Flovent for kids.

Posted by: Flovent for kids at Friday, November 20 2009 11:52 PM (ULlLm)

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