Entering the Theatre of the Absurd we find our seats and sit.  The orchestra tune their instruments and we see the lights briefly flare and then die down, the show is about to begin.  Softly, a spot gleams center stage showing only the hint of the star of the show.  As the spot comes up, thunderous applause sounds throughout the theater as more and more recognize her in all her glory: 

Vagina! Senator of New York

She begins:

How dare they? 

How dare they even think that I am not strong enough.  I know what they think, they think that I, a Vagina, cannot be a big enough prick to be President.  Well, I can, I've had practice for almost 8 years.  I even married a model big prick.  Oh yes, they'll rue the day that they thought they could shut me out.

I've schemed for many long years at this, first in that slime pit called the district, then in that God-forsaken hick state on the other size of the Mississippi where they don't even have a decent baseball team I can claim to be a fan of.  And The Big Prick chasing every trailer park bimbo every time I turned around.  Try living my life if you don't think it toughens you.

I remember when TBP first decided to run for Attorney General, he thought he was something else, and while I admit he had a certain savoir faire about him, and though he did study in Cambridge, he was just a country boy lawyer with an over abundance of Charm.  Why, he wasn't even sure what state Chicago was in, let alone know where Wellesley was. Oh, those were the years.  Running for Governor, running for a second term and losing because I wouldn't call myself by his LAST name.  Gawd, how humiliating that was.  Bunch of rubes.

I guess I did show them in the end however, that little land deal where we snaked a bunch of those rubes, and then let everyone else take the fall.  That interview on 60 minutes where TBP claimed to have "caused pain" in our marriage.  Pain, I'll show him pain!  Stupid ass thought I'd stay home and bake cookies... (that was a good thought, glad I worked it into the interview).

I guess what really galls me is all of the work I did on health care, and none of those damn people in congress had enough guts to pass it.  So what if it was a little unwieldy, it would have worked out in the long run, after all, it had my imprimatur on it. They think they are as smart as I am, don't they?  Well, they're not.

That reminds me, I'll get some of the boys to think of a way to get Hsu, little bastard.  I should have known he would screw up, him and all his "friends."  I never should have listened to TBP about how to raise funds.  Now that damn Paul phony is trying to take me down.  Well, I'll get him and his little dog too. Bastards, all of 'em trying to screw me.  Well, I'll show them, I'll be so damn cold they'll freeze their balls off if they come within a 100 feet of me.

Everyone knows I am destined to be the President, it is my due.  Then that slick bastard from Illinois thinks he can take me down.  Him and his oh so sweet ray of hope.  Does he really think I can't deal with such a nitwit.  I'll admit, that by jumping in when he did I had to hurry up and get in.  But hey, that's politics.  What gets me is that pretty boy trial lawyer.  Gawd, what a twit he is, that video of him combing his hair is so damned funny.  I'll have to figure a way to exploit that without seeming to offend the queers out there. 

Speaking of opponents, how about that old fart from Alaska.  Out of the Senate for 26 years and he thinks he can be nominated?  Oh Puh-leze! He even has a "boost" from Ralphie Nader on his "bio."  Speaking of Nader, I wonder if any of the fools at the DNC figured out that TBP and I sabotaged Al in Florida, after all, if Al had won, then Joe had a shot for 8 years but with Georgie running with Mr. Heart Disease, we knew even if he won twice, there would be no sitting prez or vp in 2008.  So, we boosted Nader in Florida.  Slick huh? Planned everything 8 years in advance. Yep, pretty slick.

Chris and Joe think they are hot stuff, a plagiarist and a populist.  Hah, babes in the woods.  They'll be early casualties as it boils down to Barrack, John and me.  Hmmm, John's really kind of cute, wonder if he would like to be my VP?  Nah!  Gotta keep it clean, gotta remember what happened to TBP.

Come to think of it, I'm still pissed off about last week in Philadelphia.  Ganging up on me like that.  Then, when I complain about it, they say that they thought I was a "strong" woman.  Well, I'm the toughest vagina they'll ever see.  Bastards, I'll show them all.  I will, I will win this thing, it is my destiny

The light fades, music dies to a whisper and the curtain rings down.  What an amazing performance, what a monologue.  What pride that instills in me, Mr. Democrat.  Now, about November.....

Posted at 09:16 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
Post contains 922 words, total size 5 kb.